When I was younger I put aside my heart so I didn't get hurt by the words of my brothers (calling me gay, stupid, etc) and so I can take being alone with a smile. Recently, I have fallen for a girl and this opened my heart. I can now feel how alone I truly am. Every year, I spend around 8 months with friends just for them to leave me next year so I have to find new ones. The girl I have fell in love with is having problems of her own and doesn't want to talk or hangout, making me miss her and feeling even more alone. This is because out of every friend I thoguht I had I have lost and I really don't want to loss her. But she doesn't want to talk and I feel helpless. I want to push to talk to her but at the same time I don't want to text her becaude she doesn't want too. Furthermore, She said she wasn't allowed to date but she dated someone anyway and the fact she wasn't allowed to date was the reason I didn't ask her out. So I am dealing with that pain (not that much anymore) but she isn't dating him anymore. Also, my friend lost control yesturday and wanted to commit suicide. Scaring me and the girl I like. However, He is truly sorry for his words. His mother thinks it was the medicine that was causing sudicidal thoughts. I don't know anymore, I'm just not in the mood for any activity. The girl I likes says she loves me. I belive her but I just don't think she wants me. Through all of these problems, the only thing I truly care about is if she will be ok.

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