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Dinah Donovon

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Ok...I am going to TRY to nutshell this and any feedback would be appreciated. It involves FOURS and ONES. 

I am an introverted, artistic Type 4 and have actually tested over 600 people during the course of a decade long study because I was finding patterns within the Enneagram and I wanted to write a book on it, but not until I had tested over 1000 people.

In that time I of course tested all my friends, lovers, family (found that I had A LOT of 5's around me.. seemed to get along with them very well.... though I am with a 7,oddly enough... and have been for nearly as many years.)

I learned to spot certain types well.... HOWEVER.. because I was working on notes for the book, I usually typed "new people" within a week or two of meeting them.. I made a friend in the 90's.. and just in the 3 weeks it took me to have the time to test him, he was rubbing me the wrong way. 

He ended up being an extreme Type One. He is the only "Type One" to ever be in my inner circle because I have often tested people I already didn't like and SURPRISE they are a 1 or an 8.

A decade later that male type 1 was stalking me across four states and I had to take out several restraining orders, he would find me no matter where I went. He would send me dozens of letters of love and then the following day 3 letters about what a "fucking disgusting whore" I was... then the following day, 5 letters (handwritten, snail mail) excusing his drunken letters from 'yesterday', I am "a Goddess" and "nobody could ever love me like he did".

You get the picture.. This severe TYPE One was unhealthy and PSYCHO. Since my Type 7 Partner is only a few inches from being 7 feet tall when wearing his boots, the stalker has laid off in recent years, thankfully. (I'm not saying that Type Ones are stalkers. I had a second stalker years later in NYC who I am ashamed to say was a 4, like me, so stalking and type are not connected.)

But here is the bizarre thing: as an introverted 4, I have a few friends that go back YEARS, I am slow to make new ones, and my loyalty and devotion run DEEP.... so my friends, I have known HALF of my life but they are all over the globe now, you know?!  So a year ago I met a neighbor... was friendly. Started emailing each other though she lived above me like 9 months ago... and about 6 months ago, we became fast friends.. I walked her dog, watched her kids, you name it (A Four's love and friendship is intense and so she had many crisis's and I was Johnny-on-the-Spot for each and every one of them). 

I kept putting off testing her....just never had the time to sit down and do it properly .. I seriously thought she'd be a 2.... it fit.. the niceness.... with the drama when felt unappreciated.... So I tested her.... and she scored as the highest female Type One I have EVER tested... in fact... her Male counterpart was the crazy guy who had stalked me since he was in his 30's and I was 16!!

I was confused.. I have tested 650 plus people...  and she, the best female friend I had made in almost a decade... was the ONE TYPE I usually CAN'T STAND?!?! But I brushed it off.... thought maybe I'd retest her later on.. maybe it's different if you were a "healthy female"...

THEN DONNA REED TORE HER FACE OFF and A PSYCHO KILLER was under there!! Seriously, I forgot about it after testing her... her kids had come to call me Aunt Dinah. I started a fundraiser to help her out financially.. everyday she wrote me how she didn't know what she would do without my friendship and I would see what she wanted from the store, we'd take her kids to the library, walk her dog... Keys to each others house (I had hers so I could walk her dog, she had mine after their toilet broke so they could just come in and use the guest bathroom...) Then about 10 days ago, out of the CLEAR BLUE SKY (EXACTLY LIKE With the 'Type 1' Stalker I had), I awoke to 5 or 6 increasingly horrible and bizarre rants, emails,  threats, texts, and just crazy s&^T. My husband, his mother, and MY MUM (an actual psychotherapist) said this was Bipolar/Manic Depression to the 10th degree. 

I am trying to calm her down and the nicer I am, the more crazy and wild her allegations get until finally, at 3:30 in the MORNING, she is THROWING things at our front door, SCREAMING in our UPSCALE ENCLOSED condo building that she is "praying to god to make me crippled for life so I can't have children" (I walk with a cane right now until I have surgery this summer to fix my back and can't have a family til them... it's a cruel thing to say to a woman collecting baby clothes), that I am a JUNKIE (because I told her to give her 16 year old a break when he got his FIRST GIRLFRIEND because at 16, I was drinking, drugging, AND having sex so he was a GOOD KID!!) and (the worst of them all) she screamed that she was calling the police because my husband was a Pedophile (He's NEVER been alone with her sons... and in fact, he only gets violent about 3 things: people hurting his family, people hurting animals, and people hurting children.... He told me before when we saw a news story about some sicko that "if that ever happens with one of our future kids, I hope you will visit me in jail because I will GLADLY do 5 years for beating a pervert to a pulp!!") So screaming that she prays god makes me a barren cripple forever and that we are Pedophiles and Junkies at close to 4 in the morning... 2 days after I gave her almost 400 to help her pay her rent.....made no sense.

We BEGGED her to PLEASE call the police because we have nothing to hide, just lots of texts and emails from her sounding crazy.. I guess she couldn't get her teenager or 11 year old son to falsely accuse us of anything because no cops were called.

That is just 20 percent of it, but you catch my drift.

I have ONLY been in FEAR for my SAFETY a few times and in two of them, they were by EXTREME and UNHEALTHY Type Ones.

::Disclaimer:: Type Ones, I am NOT saying you are paranoid, insane, or ANYTHING like that AT ALL.. we have good and bad of every type, just like there are good and bad people in every group

However like I said, I have NEVER SEEN such DRAMATIC INSANITY (like following me around four states and finding out where I worked and lived although I was unlisted or being a nice, loving mother and friend in the morning than at night calling me and mine "satanic pedophile junkies" (we don't even drink.))

Is there -something- in a Type One THAT WHEN MIXED/PAIRED with a mental illness or chemical dependency (I suspect both of both people but I am CERTAIN the male was an alcoholic and the female is a pill popper but for "pain" I never see, not for a disorder we are certain is there) can make them Jekyll and Hyde like this?!? 

Has ANYBODY experienced an UNHEALTHY one (be it mentally, drugs, whatever) spiral so drastically and quickly?!? Or is this just some bizarre coincidence?!?

LASTLY, AGAIN, Type 1's, I am not implying or saying that your type has such tendencies.... I was just wondering if anyone of this type or close to someone that is a 1 but ALSO has mental or chemical problems has seen this manifest like this before or is it just a creepy coincidence?!?
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Heath Davis Havlick's profile photo
 
Thanks, Tami! Hope your day is great.
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I have a Four female friend with a 13-year-old Seven daughter. Any ideas on how the mom can gently shepherd her child by using the wisdom of the Enneagram? She sees some negative Seven behaviors that she wants to know how to deal with.
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Jeffrey Brown's profile photoPaya Naderi's profile photoHeath Davis Havlick's profile photo
3 comments
 
Thank you, +Jeffrey Brown ! I passed that on to my friend.
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Hello, New Here, Been into and studying the Enneagram for 15 years (I was writing a book on patterns but I was finding, but anyway..) I am a type four and I like that as I am reading other people's post, it has their name and type. How did they do that? Is there a special thing you have to do?? I was just curious....
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Dinah Donovon's profile photoHeath Davis Havlick's profile photo
6 comments
 
Thank you... That's what my seven spouse basically says. He is the first seven I have been REALLY close to. The last was YEARS ago a young twenty or so year old female seven that I saw as scatter brained and flakey. Then after dating mostly fives with a two and eight thrown in... I find a seven male holds the glass slipper (I am bisexual so I felt the need to make the distinction... Each gender differs under the same number). He is well rounded.... Eclectic... And calming. Most of the time. Lol
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Paul Tracy

Discussion  - 
 
I was just introduced to The Enneagram during an ICF conference. I'm thinking of using the system as a replacement for MBTI for individual coaching clients. Can anyone point me to validation studies and a cross-reference to Myers-Briggs?
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Gib Wallis's profile photoDinah Donovon's profile photoDorthe Gyldenkærne's profile photo
6 comments
 
+Heath Davis Havlick I am a 4, INFJ!!
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Anna Joy

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Hey! I'm Anna, a 4w5. Any enneagram fours here?
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Dinah Donovon's profile photoHeath Davis Havlick's profile photo
3 comments
 
The same here!! Holla. J/K. About the greeting.. Not my typing. Lol
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Louise Nersting

Discussion  - 
 
Dealing with a "7" boss. Always outgoing, enjoyable, funny and interested in new ideas, but also forgetting old agreements and loosing interest in projects after a short while. Any experiences worth sharing?
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Louise Nersting's profile photoLadislav Svoboda's profile photo
2 comments
 
True! A micro management boss can make anybody loose their mind :-)
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Susan Wilkinson

Discussion  - 
 
Question for you Ennea wizards: I know that all types can be most anything, but I am curious what types you think are most particularly interested in personal growth/transformation through deep introspection? Or do you see it as more of a maturity issue, rather than a type question?
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Susan Wilkinson's profile photoA.J. W.'s profile photo
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A.J. W.
 
:)
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Tami Smith
owner

Discussion  - 
 
In this thoughtful post via +Wendy Appel she proposes this; "What if each of us were brave enough to take off our defensive armor and go exploring like the hero of myth and story."

This is the point of studying the Enneagram for me.
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Susan Wilkinson's profile photoWendy Appel's profile photo
4 comments
 
Thanks, Susan! Whatever's got you shakin' in your boots, must be good. Can't wait to find out what it is!
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Abby Kerr

Discussion  - 
 
Hi, everyone! I'm +Tami Smith's Collaborative Partner at The Voice Bureau (AbbyKerr.com). I've been fascinated by the power of the Enneagram for a while now and incorporate insights from it into my work around copywriting, branding, and marketing.

I've only recently begun to explore Tri-Types and Instinctual Sub-Types and I have to say, this blows my understanding of myself, my work, and my clients wide open.

I'm a Social 4 with a 3-wing (but I've tested as a 5-wing; perhaps my wings are balanced). My Tri-Type is 4/3 or 5, 6/5, 9/1.

Anyone else finding that Tri-Types and Instinctual Sub-Types add those really rich layers? Would love for others to share their Tri-Types and Sub-Types if you're game. :)
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Susan Wilkinson's profile photo
11 comments
 
+Abby Kerr Yes...eye-opening. A little disturbing too.
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The ultimate Seven song! I can't imagine most of the other Types writing it. :)
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Van Thuy's profile photoPamela Sprague's profile photo
2 comments
 
Now I'm going to try to find my 6 song!

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Jeffrey Brown

Discussion  - 
 
5w6, so/sx/sp. 584.  I am an advisory board member for a local enneagram group in my area (Las Vegas). I'm happy to share whatever I know. 
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Susan Wilkinson's profile photoJeffrey Brown's profile photo
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Great to be here +Susan Wilkinson! As a 5, you are probably aware my interests are all over the map. While I may be a skeptic in some ways, the Enneagram does seem to provide the right sort of "handles" for just about anyone whose interested to get an idea of themselves and use that knowledge to grow as a person.  I am quite interested in the exploration of the psyche in all its many forms. 
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Kristian Hailey

Discussion  - 
 
What's up guys. Its been a while since I took the enneagram. I remember I'm type 5 but I can't remember my subtypes or wings. What is a good link for a test to find out?
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Kathie Neff's profile photoHeath Davis Havlick's profile photo
2 comments
 
Kathie, I agree! Kristian, best wishes on further discovering what makes you you.
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Jeffrey Brown

Discussion  - 
 
Greetings, 5w6, So/Sx, 5-4-8, ENTP.  Married to a 8w7, Sp/Sx, 8-6-3, ISTJ. 
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Jeffrey Brown's profile photoPamela Sprague's profile photo
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Jeff is the study group open to new members? I'm in LV and have been studying the enneagram for several years. 6w5,sx.
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Louise Nersting

Discussion  - 
 
We are working on "personas" in my company. (To be used in sales and production as Well as marketing)
Does anyone have experience in using Enneagram types in this kind of work??
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Louise Nersting's profile photoSusan Wilkinson's profile photo
3 comments
 
So true! (I had a terrible time switching off Ennea to do the course.)
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Susan Wilkinson

Discussion  - 
 
Follow up question to my last one (giving it a thread so the question isn't missed): Which types do you think struggle with problems because they lack an ability or tendency to deep introspection, but who also are not averse to introspection?
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Susan Wilkinson's profile photoJoan E. Conger's profile photo
17 comments
 
You're very welcome +Susan Wilkinson .  Here's a good resource on postconventional developmental levels -- "The Postconventional Personality: Assessing, Researching, and Theorizing Higher Development (SUNY Series in Transpersonal and Humanistic Psychology)"  http://www.amazon.com/Postconventional-Personality-Researching-Development-Transpersonal/dp/1438434642 .   I'm interested in the same group  it seems -- seekers who've done a good bit of The Work. My interest is in providing a way to help each create a larger uniquely personal system of understanding, experiential practice, and avocational fulfillment to hang it all together, beyond the piecemeal "buy my product it's better" self-realization landscape that's out there now. (Note: I would hesitate to call postconventionals "healthy" as opposed to the rest, implying the rest aren't... maybe "(way) above average health" implying a more complex view of the world beyond an either/or perspective, even beyond both/and. That's probably what you meant, too. :-) ) I would love to hear what you discover!
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Beth Robertson

Discussion  - 
 
Hello to all of you. Excited to find you. An introverted 7w8 here. Are there any other introverted 7s around? BTW: I love your idea about looking to myth and the hero's journey, Tami Smith.
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Mario López de Ávila Muñoz's profile photoA.J. W.'s profile photo
16 comments
A.J. W.
 
+abby kerr it nice to meet you as well
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Kathie Neff

Discussion  - 
 
Discussion on the levels of each type is so interesting and exciting to me.  Each number has all of these levels of possibilities with the goal, of course, being Liberation.  Anyone else find this interesting and exciting?
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Rachel Whalley's profile photoKathie Neff's profile photoaaron osborn's profile photo
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I've never studied the levels thoroughly, yet I do agree that, in my experience, they are present. Often people ask me what types make better romantic partners (aka, "should I be looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend who is a certain type because of what type I am?") To those folks, I always say that type matters WAY less than level of health in terms of predicting future success. And that folks generally get together with partners of equal range of health to their own.
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