Comedious Commentarious :Milk, The Gift That keeps On Giving

I wrote this short humorous story, out of my concern of all the hormone, ,steroids that are used in raising animals to become food for human consumption.
I believe the steroids and hormone are passes on to human through the consumption of the meat . I believe these growth hormone and steroids could trigger the growth of tumors in human beings. It has also been reported that steroids and growth hormones in meat could be causing children to reach puberty at a younger age then before .
It has been reported that some children are reaching puberty as early as the age of 9 years old.

It ‘s two weeks before Christmas,and two men who are friends are sitting on a bench at the mall. They’re conversation is filled with the lists of things they both have to accomplish before Christmas day.
The first man said to his friend, ""You know children have really changed since the time we were growing up."
His friend asks," How so?"
The First man replies," When I was around fifteen, my sister’s would ask my parents for expensive name brand clothes for Christmas."
“Do you know what my Fifteen year old daughter ask me to get her for Christmas?”
His friend stared at him with a look of curiosity,“What did she ask for?”
The first man replies," She ask me if I could get her breast implants for Christmas!"
The First man asks his friend," What should I tell my daughter? I don’t have $3400.00 ,to purchase a boob job for my daughter."
His friend being a dairy farmer,replies," You don’t have to spend $ 3400.00,give your daughter what she want for Christmas. Just buy her milk that has RBST in it."
The first man asks his friend," what is RBST?"
His friend, replies, " RBST is a growth hormone that is given to cows, to cause their utters to grow bigger, and so the farmers can get more milk out of the cow." 
The first man’s face lit up, and ask his friend,"Do you think that if she start drinking the milk with the hormones in it,three times a day until Christmas eve, will she wake up Christmas morning with her Christmas present under neath her night gown?
His friend replies, " If it works,it goes to show the milk slogan rings true, Milk does the body good. "

Written By Stephen J.Vattimo Dec 11, 2010

Good Vibrations 

I went to the doctor's the other day to have an operation set up to fix a lower hernia I have acquired from heavy lifting at work.      The surgeon told me that during the procedure  he might have to cut a nerve in my leg if it causes a problems when He puts in the mesh to repair the hernia.     He tells me by cutting this nerve I might loose some feeling on the right side of my marble bag, nothing important.
So I tell the surgeon I would if possible like for him not to take or leave anything in my body that is not crucial for the success of my operation procedure.
So I tell the surgeon ( knowing how mentally distracted everyone is today) ," During the Operation ,please don't leave your chewing gum,or surgical tools inside me!"
 "But it's OK if  you leave your cellphone in side me, as long as it's on vibration mode and you are a popular Guy!! "

Written by Stephen J. Vattimo
May 3,2014

Sounds Like

At my place of work there is this technician who I provide equipment to, who decides to change his last name from Bottles to Mahar.   One day I asked him why He changed his last name?    He told me that Bottles was his adopted  family name,he want to change his last name to his natural birth parent's last name which Mahar.    He had said that he is the last male born to this family and he want to carry on the family name.
 So I told him it would be cool if he kept using both last names , just in case he turns into  an alcoholic and gets busted for a DUI, and is order by a the court of law to attend a AA  meetings.
 At the AA meeting he can Stand up and introduce himself to the group by saying," Hi my name is Mahar Bottles,and I am not a  alcoholic !"
" I am here because I was court ordered. to attend these meetings."

Written by Stephen J. Vattimo
November 16,2014.

Do The Elves  build toys or Nike Sneakers

One day at work, I issued some equipment to a technician,who after putting it in a bag and slung the bag over his shoulders.   As he started to walk away,I said, "Have a nice day Santa Claus."
He responded, " I heard the true story about Santa Claus is that he was a man who broke into houses by going down the Chimneys, then rape the woman,kill the men,steal the content of the house,and abduct the children".
I responded, " So the story of the Elves building all the toys that Sata Claus delivers to the good boys and girls every Christmas is just a cover up story for Santa Claus owning and running a NIke Sneaker  factory in Taiwan that runs on a workforce made up of abducted children who are forced into slave labor.

Written by Stephen J. Vattimo
November 1,2014

Halloween Tighty Whities

There is this little poor boy who wants to go trick or treating,but has no money to buy a costume .   So to come up with a costume he puts a pair of underwear on his head.

The little boy knock on the door of the first house he notice is handing out candy to children.

The door open and and a woman dressed as a cat greets him and robotically put candy in his bag.

With a fake smile the woman tries to hide here bewilderment by the boy standing in the door way with a pare underwear on his head,she asks," What are you suppose to be?"

The little boy replies," An Ass Hole! "

Written By Stephen J. Vattimo

October 18, 2013

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This Bollywood segment is quite hilarious check out #FameboxComedy http://bit.ly/1h2p5oE
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