Post has shared content
© acharyaushalavanya

It's still dark.
As she was
lost in her thoughts...
she didn't realise
the train entered into
Andhra boarders.

May be an hour more...
she had to get down
and catch a cab
for reaching her destination faster.

She kept all her things ready
to get down immediately
but couldn't pack up her thoughts
with the same ease.

It is like ..
thinking and feeling
something bitter about
all such experiences
as though it were a nightmare-
a string of emotions
following one after the other!

After visiting Nadi baba,
the first thing she did
on the next day
was to meet Dr. Chary.

He was reading a medical journal,
when she met him.

He was alone.
Not even a single patient was there.

"So!!! You have known everything?!"

There was something ..
in his looks
as well as voice -
a sort of surprise and sympathy!

But she was not sure..
whether she had really known
anything special and peculiar.

"What have you decided?"
He asked.

"About what?"

"Everything.. ! What did he say..?"


She could not speak immediately.

She took out the note book
and said
showing it to him

"I really couldn't decide...
whether to follow his advises or not!
Its not whether I believe
in such practices or not.
I really couldn't understand
why I am asked to meet him...!"

She paused for a second,
and then continued to say-

"The purpose of my coming here
was totally different.
I wonder
Why Sruthi Kanth did not say
even a word in this regard...
after all these days!!!
I came to see him
apart from him
every one else is eager
to help me!"

Dr. Chary laughed at her outburst .

"He doesn't seem to be willing
to say anything directly to me..
whether he is interested
or not interested!
Instead I am asked to meet
psychiatrists and babas..!?!"

"No. No. Forget it!
I simply enquired .. that's all.
Have you paid him..anything!?"

"Not much.
But I am not sure
I'll be completing all that
he suggested...
spending a lot now.

"He says it's not possible
to marry Shruthy Kanth..
I will get married
to someone else!
It is my destiny...he says!!!"

"Don't bother... Don't bother."

He intervened.

"Have faith in God.
That's all I can suggest.
Keep in touch!!!"

He shared a meaningful look ..

She simply nodded and took leave of him.

She decided to leave for Hyderabad.

before leaving
she wanted to have a word
with Shruthi Kanth.

In fact...
he owes an explanation to her
though not sorry...
she thought !
She should meet and explain it
to Shruthi Kanth ..
what all happened!!

She took an auto
reached his office...
knocked on the doors first
that were kept opened ..

And was about to step in...

Sruthi Kanth appeared himself..there!

"It's you!!! Stop there !!!"

Kavya was taken aback.

She came expecting few words
of assurance
of console
though not
sweet nothings!

"We are having a meeting, Kavya!"

She never experienced
such a brutal insult
in her life before.

She was his guest!

The person
who encouraged her
and welcomed her
'Come, I'll be waiting !"
when she informed him
about her visit,
is so reluctant to talk..
even a!!!

She had learnt
an unforgettable lesson
from the psychologists;
but still she was hopeful..

"Your friend says..."

She was obstructed immediately.

She was not given
a chance to say out
even a single word!

"We are in an urgent meeting, Kavya...!"

She simply stared at him
with a silent meaningful glance.

..she started feeling the pain
in her heart..
of heated emotions
of betrayal
of losing hope
due to
all those mocking experiences.

"I am going"

She said at last..

"OK. Ring up after reaching there..."

Very curt and planned answer.

With in brief moment
she gathered her wits
and made up her mind...

She said-
"Just..promise me.."

stretching her hand in anticipation,
"Just one promise..!!!?"

He looked into her eyes.

Did not move a bit
Did not say a word.

"Just promise me..we'll meet .. again!!!"

She completed her word
holding her hand stretched out.

And then ..
as if what all had happened so far
was not enough..
He stepped forward and
hit so hard on her hand
so hard..that..
her mind and heart ..
got numbed...instantly.

She could not understand
what had happened..
at all for some time..
She stood there
like an idol
but utterly shaken
and utterly dismayed!!!

No words..from either side!!

He stood looking very furious at her.

no sympathy
no repentance
no guilt feeling at all.

More over looked
more worried
more irritated
with her presence
itself there!

It took her some time ...
to regain her senses.
to regain her self control.
Her self respect
started questioning her
why she still stood there..
after all the insults ...

She turned back and walked away.

God knows
how she reached the hostel...
.. cursing..with all the bitterness.

She did not speak to any one.

Tried not to lose her compose
and tried to look very normal.

May be..

All her emotions ..
All her sufferings..
all her humiliated thoughts and feeling
got an out let..
Through her father..!!!

Kavya took a deep breath..
as though shredding away
all the memories.

Bus is moving very slowly
Due to the up hill task.

She viewed ahead of the barren roads she is travelling ..

A bright moon...
With a pale smile!!!

A smile ...
filled with
all sympathy and pity
for her now!

And her path .. ahead
totally blocked
by huge mountains!!!

She said to herself..
in a whispered -


(Will be continued)

Photo courtesy: +SandrapaulistaPaulista

Edited : 22.04.16 @9.23 pm


Post has shared content
© acharyaushalavanya
(Looking back at it)

Kavya wanted to forget it all!
Kavya wanted to ignore
her own personal life..
and it's demands!

The only way
was to involve herself
in her work...
getting more and more creative ...
at everything she attempted!

She rarely thought of
Nadi baba
what all he suggested to her..
tried to concentrate
only on her work.

she could get married
to some other person
or not
was not the issue
at all now,
she adopted...
yes ..
she literally 'adopted'
a mechanical life!

She rather
forced herself
to lead a mechanical life..
no soft feelings for anything
no emotions or sentiments
for anybody...
to concentrate
her responsibilities
her top most priority.

She wanted to
forger all
that reminded her
of her past!

she was not allowed to!!!
Not even for a single moment.

She never got a chance
to lead
a normal peaceful life at all!!


she looks back
after reaching
a 'decided' destination
set by herself,
there were always people
looking at her
observing her
at every step
and reminding her
about her past
at every breathing moment
of her life !
She was never left alone
to herself!

She was dragged into
many unwanted situations
forcing her
to struggle hard
all her precious time
her entire savings
to solve
those unnecessarily created
uncouth issues;
she was pushed into mirages
and even attacked
making her fight back
for her own survival...
reminding her...
it's their own survival
that was put to risk..
she has to fight back
for the benefit of all.
on many other times
she was
by all others....
as if
it was their own interest
she is,
as if
it is only to remind her
she should never give up
she is not entitled to give up
and forget ...
any second of her past.

So ..
she is forced
to relive those moments
of the past
again and again
being pushed ahead
to reach
yet an unknown destination
by all
at every breathing moment
of her life
which is not at all
freed from the bondages
of the past!!!

Kavya 'adopted'
a mechanical life..
as her own kith 'n kin;
She reminds herself
life is not a bed of roses,
it is an up hill task!!!

To survive
you have got to be
on the top!

(Continued to survive)

As to survive
is to reach the top-

(with humble thanks to Google photos)

27.04.16 @3.45 am


Post has shared content
© acharyaushalavanya



You have been reading
for some time now.

You are all poets and authors
of many books yourself.

have you ever experienced
a character you created
rebelling against you
and trying to behave
in a very different way ..
deciding her own future
the way she wanted it?

Kavya is very much upset
with me..
with my script and style!

See it for yourself

* * * * * *

Late in the evening...

The moon lit night
was very cool and pleasant
after a short drizzle.

I was in my study
referring to few necessary journals.

Usually, I sit to write
just what ever crosses my mind instantaneously
with out any prior planning..
whether it is about
creating the incidents or dialogues..
or telling something
about the character

As usual ..
on that day too
I started writing,
in my style of writing ...

* * * * * *

Kavya went to her office
in time that day,
after almost three weeks.

Though feeling very sick and tired
she felt
she can not stay alone at home.

She was welcomed by all
with pleasant smiles and greetings.

One of her colleagues greeted her,
who was passing by
when Kavya was getting into the lift.
As the lift doors got closed
she couldn't listen to her clearly.

"Hi! Kavya, how Lucky!!!

"When are you going to join there?"

Another colleague queried,
when she stepped out of it ..and
that colleague of her got into the lift
who was proceeding
to the last floor.

Kavya got surprised.
Even now
she couldn't understand
what is being said to her.

She started walking down
to her room;
one intimate friend of hers
stopped her
..shaking her hands vigorously,

"You are back!!!
Good news and congrates!
You are promoted
and transfered as
'Branch Manager'..
to Chochi!!!"

"What!?!" Kavya screamed.

She couldn't believe herself!

"Transferred to Chochi..?!!"

"Promoted and transferred madam!!!
Not just transferred!!!"

"Is it? How do you know?"

"Because it is I
who got it signed by our MD sir.
Order copy is waiting for you...
on your table."

Its a real surprise for Kavya!!!

She pinched her hand
to make it sure ..
she is not dreaming..


Her friend who was walking
along with her
kept on asking her
about her trip.

But.. Kavya
Her mind was occupied
with the unexpected news!

Kavya hurried to her seat...
She was very eager
to see the order copy
with her own eyes.

Internal despatch book
was there on her table
with a neatly folded envelope.

It clearly stated
she had to get relieved from here
with immediate effect
and should join at Cochin
with in a week...
and take charge
as Branch Manager.

She knows it very well
to what level
others were trying
to get that post.

She lucky!!!

She got selected!!!

She kissed the oder copy ardently.

She could feel the tears
rolling down ..
from her eyes.

She even felt
as though
something got stuck
in her throat...
making it almost impossible
to utter a word.

She had never dreamt
that she will have to live there
at that place..

××× ××× ××× ×××

Just at that minute
my spring doors
were pushed apart..

Kavya entered into my study..
leaving the doors
swing vigorously.

I was shocked!

I was holding my pen
to my forehead thinking coolly...
for a while,
how to put it out..

"Why Madam? Why?"

She looked very much upset.

Very angry rather..

"You have the pen in your hand
and so you can write
what ever you want to..?
Have you ever bothered
to know
what I like and
what I don't like!?"
She was really gasping for breath

"Why? What happened?"
I was so shocked to see her
so that.

"What happened?!!!!!
You are asking .. 'me'..
what happened ..
as if you are not aware
what all had happened?!!"

She said bitterly ..

"I know..! I know!!"
I interrupted..and asked,
"Are you not happy Kavya?"


She said it in such a way
all her irritation agony
and helplessness
got expressed in that
single word.

"How can you be happy
after all that had happened?
Do you think
I am a toy or puppet ..'n
any body can play with it
as they like..?"

"Cool down Kavya..
Cool down..."
I tried to pacify her.

She broke once!!!

I have never expected
a girl like Kavya
will cry so pathetically.

I allowed her to cry..for some time..

Then got up from my seat
and took her face
into my arms.

"Don't you want to meet
Sruthi Kanth again, Kavya,
if you get a chance to meet?"

I asked her
in a very soft voice..
trying to read her heart.

It was an instant outburst

"It is not...
what I want
and what I like.."
she yelled out...
continued in a bitter tone,
wiping off her cheeks_

"He says it is not possible
to meet again..."


"Nothing more left out
between us madam!
You know..
how I wanted to be with him..!
How much I like
to share my life with him..!?
I never bothered
what sort of 'relationship'
it would be !!
He is every thing for me.
I was prepared
to live my entire life with him ..
even with out marriage..
It is not for sex.
It is not for money.
It is not for social status.
It is because
I thought I loved him so much!!"

"You may have to be patient Kavya!"

"That's what
I was doing
all these years!
No more...of it Madam.
No more.
let me ask you..
Why should I alone
initiate a dialogue
.. always .. from my side only?
There isn't a single instant
he called me himself.
Not even once he came to see me..
No letters.
No phone calls.
How long I alone
can try to keep relationship survive?
No madam..
He is not interested in me.
Or he doesn't want to commit..
himself into any relationship..
Don't know why!!!"

"Look .. Kavya.."

"No. No. No.
I don't have the courage_
to bear the disappointment!!!
It feels so bitter..
I can't...!
No more tears.
No more insults.
Don't you think
I too want to enjoy
a happy settled life
like any other normal young girl
of my age?

But why? Madam, Why..
You are pushing me
towards a mirage!!!
It lures me too ..
with all it's attractions...
I agree.
But after all ..
it is just a mirage !!!
I am tired of running after it...
I am tired if its dazzling look...
I can not withstand
the strain of going after it
any more.
Free me
from all the bondages!
Free me
from all the chains 'n shackles
that keep me tied up!"

"You really don't want
to meet him...
or see him again..
Don't you like
to talk to him
if he comes searching for you Kavya..?"

"I don't know!
I am not sure..
whether that day will ever come!
You know it..
It's I,
who wanted him
to come to me
when ever he feels like coming..
And you know
what all happened as a result ..of it?
I don't know.. madam..!!!
As far as I am concerned
on my face!
It is up to
Whether to ..c..o..
you know..?"

I nodded silently...
Knowing not now
what the 'Epilogue'
would be like!?

××× ××× ××× ×××

Tell me
how to conclude..
how to end up
this episode of LOVE!?!



Post has shared content
© acharyaushalavanya


No logic!
There won't be any logic
behind certain feelings and experiences.
They just happen.
That's all!

* * * * * *

After returning home..
from cremation grounds
don't know ...why...
she got very much upset
as many ridiculous incidents took place-
most illogical and real dramatic !

All the elderly woman
began negotiations
for completing the remaining rituals
of windowing her mother.

after long discussion
they decided not to shave her head

She was given a sacred bath
'was given a white dhoti to wear
'was asked to wear
colorful glass bangles
just to be broken later..
depriving her from all that
which may remind her
of her past marital status!

clad in 'white' sari
they made her sit in a room
to make it possible
for the other women
to see her face
one by one.

It went on for some time..

Kavya sat at one corner
observing it all silently...
when all the women folk
went on meeting her mother
and then
took leave of her ..
one by one.

don't know what happened
she heard a loud cry of her mother.

Kavya instantly got up to see
what's going on in there
and stopped abruptly
taking her step back
when her mother started
yelling out hysterically

"Who else ..?
come on , come on ..
who else ...
want to see my face?!!"

Kavya was taken aback.

She felt as though
someone gave a hard blow
at her back...
ruthlessly ...

'I won't see your face again..!!!'

It was
Sruthi Kanth's,
echoing everywhere there...
mocking at her!

She couldn't understand at all
why he got so furious.
Don't know
what went wrong or
what she had done to him..
he took such a serious decision-

of not seeing her face
again in his life!!!

It was like a bolt in the blue!!!

She experienced..
a fierce emotion
jolting her body -
top to bottom!

All sympathetic eyes
were set on,
which made her get
more furious!!!

All the pity ..
all the sympathy ..
she was feeling for her mother
turned into uncontrollable fury!

She stood up
very much determined
and equally annoyed ;

walked straight into that room..
removed the 'pallu'
from her mothers face
so brutally ..
so rashly
looked straight into her mother's eyes.

to her dismay
her mother's eyes
were filled with tears
and ...that ... look -

It's not ..
just sympathy
just pity
or agony ...
it's something more..
of love and concern
of motherly affection
-so strong and deep!

Kavya's heart melted instantly.
The fuming and irate temper
turned into repentance
instantly !

There was a simple nod
from her mother too
as though
she could understand her
as though she was sharing
an untold secret of her heart!!!

Kavya somehow
regretted her own rash behaviour.

How strange is human heart!!!

So many things
are felt 'n understood simultaneously
by all...
and are shared instantaneously too
with just sympathetic looks ...
but mostly
are not agreed or accepted openly
by anyone !!!

As usual..
a feast was arranged
in the memory of the departed soul
with all the pomp..and gaiety

one by one
all started departing.

Her sisters too
started packing up
in a hurry burry way
as it was time
for the departure
of the last evening train..

It is a traditional belief
that married women
(daughters of the departed soul)
should not see the 'light of the lamp'
of their paternal house!!!

It is believed that
it may bring out some bad omen
to their married life

Kavya was in a dilemma..too
whether to stay back
for a day or more
leave the place
along with others.

Illogical thoughts
had put her in a fix again.

As it is..
she got very much worried
when Shruthi Kanth told her-
when contacted on phone..
informing him
about the demise
of her father-
he'd be leaving for 'Ooty!'

It's an openly shared
hilarious joke of hers
among her friends...

"Why to hang yourself
consume poison
set yourself ablaze
to put an end to life, yaar?!?

Just go to Ooty
jump down
into the deep Valley!!!

You can enjoy
every minute of it..

the serenity
of death !!!"

She recollected her own word
and felt very uncomfortable
with the thought of it itself...

On one side ..
her mother is left alone-

She may be going around to places
spending a month's time
with each of her own siblings
one by one, in turns;
but for that night
she may have to stay alone
in the company of Lord God Himself.
Kavya was very much worried
about her mother.

on the other side-

her illogical concern for the person
she loved,
started pricking her conscience_

'What if ....
if anything happens to him really
if she stays back!!!?'

After a long contemplation
she too made up her mind
to once
giving a false excuse
she may have to report to duty immediately
as she had been on leave
quite for a long time now.

in the heart of heart
she felt very guilty
about her selfish sentiment!

At last...
it was the time to depart;
her mother stood there
at the threshold
bidding farewell
to all
with a tear filled..look..
as though...
anticipating something;
as though
requesting silently
for something
that remained untold..
so far ;
that kept
piercing n questioning
her own existence
made her to think
to stay back
for a fraction of time
making her heart melt
in pity!

But she decided
to go ahead only!

What a piteous state
of womanhood
that the silent request
in her mother's look
kept on revealing her!!!

She was sure
she can never
forget that look!

She was sure
she would get haunted
with that look..
for ever!

exactly at that moment..
some one called her loudly..
not her own sisters or brothers..
but someone else
as if it were
a divine suggestion _

All the carts are full;
leaving for station;
dump your belongings some where; otherwise
you may have to carry them yourself.'

She knows
it's quite some distance
for the station..

She moved ahead swiftly..
with stern steps
bidding good bye
to her mother....

as her mother ...
stood there alone...

wearing a pathetic look
_ deserted by all_

like that of a solitary tree
forced to bear
all the sun and rain alone
and weather away
in due course of time..
all alone!!!

Her mother
still stood alone there..
with an air of expectation
a loving hand..
a caring promise
of hope n concern..
a compassionate company ..

Kavya left her ...
there .. alone
and moved away..
to her own destination!

(Will be continued)

Edited : 25.04.16 @1.03 pm

I humbly thank you #SueFim and #googlephotos for such a magnific snap that suited the mood so well.

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© acharyaushalavanya


She was told
her siblings may be reaching
by next day morning.. from abroad..

Discussions were going on
in a very low whispering tones.

Subdued light around the corridor
where the body was kept
is wearing a ghostly look.

Slowly the crowds started getting dispersed, and other people were seen making arrangements for night meal.

May be all will gather around again
and praise the Lord ..
for all that ..
He bestowed upon the dead so far..
offering prayers for the entire night.

Kavya sat at one corner..

No body was keen about her presence.

Who ever came...
expressed their sympathy to he mother and LEFT.

That was the normal procedure...

Even her siblings..may do that-

They may be reaching any time now..

They'll attend the ceremony..
and fly back....
where they are settled,
where they have their families
waiting for them,
where they feel free
to carry out their daily chores!

They'll come and leave

Like all the troubles problems
that engulf you for some time..
then relieve from all the hazards..
as though,
you are caught in a whirlpool
then let you loose to face the destiny..

They, all, her siblings, too
may come and go..

She too for that matter..
may leave her mother to her fate
and proceed to her destination

* * * * * *

Twilight of the dawn
touched her eye lids
peeping though
the thatched roof
of the verandah..

Kavya is not aware..of it...
that the day broke...,
she was lying there
still lost in her thoughts..
some one offered her
a cup of coffee.

She gulped it all in one sip..
No one asked her to eat or drink that night.
She too did not feel like..
for various reasons.
She heard her mother
crying hysterically
when she was asked to have coffee,
and refused vehemently
to have even a sip.

A chorus of bitter 'cries' followed.

'Why to refuse?'

Kavya couldn't understand.

'We fight all the time with each other
trying to grab what others enjoy
all the time...
when we are all alive,
then why this...'pretence'
of scarifying every thing!
How long you can withstand
the burning hunger?
We are all worried
about our own safety..
Are not we?
We struggle a lot every minute..
for the same cause..
Then why to behave in a different way now.
Let the departed be considered as departed..'

She thought to her self.

It was a magical decisive moment.

All the shouting and crying
subsided automatically...
Her mother got up ..
went to the loo
washed her face
and accepted
a cup of coffee silently.

In a very subdued way..
all the proceedings
for the funeral were taking place.

Slowly the crowds thickened.

There was a lot of hue and cry
when Kavya's brothers and sisters arrived.

They stopped at her
for a brief moment.
exchanging sympathetic looks.
Spoke very less,
involving her very less
what ever was going on.

When money was required
she was approached.

She gave away
what was left out in her vanity bag.

After all the prayers and proceedings body was taken to the burial ground.

She stood near the pit
dug out..
observing the coffin being put into it carefully.

Again cries along with prayers..offered.

She was asked
to carry a fistful of mud ..
and pray to God
to take back all the elements
that the human body was made up of
to be mingled and
returned back to the Nature!

She took a fistful of mud..

But.. she felt..
as though she had a frozen shoulder;
as though some divine power is obstructing her;
as though
in the heart of heart
she still wanted him
to get up from the death bed..

she refused to do so...

Tears rolled down from her cheeks.

'Your name and fame alone
may protect you!!'
There is no logic for her sentiment
But somehow
she got very sentimental.

She said to herself silently ..again -

'Your name n fame
alone is enough
to protect you
from all the evil!'

as though offering her silent prayers ..

(Will be continued)


Post has shared content
© acharyaushalavanya

She rang up the day before
she started her journey..for Cochin.

It was very late in the night..

She was a bit naughty
and excited too
to surprise him with her late night call,
in the heart of heart wondering
whether he'll be available
at his office at that time.

"Hello?!! Sruthi Kanth speaking..?"
Her call was immediately answered.

"Sruthi..kanth!? You haven't gone home yet!!?"
She added, "This is Kavya!!!"

"I just came back..! How are you?" he answered.

"What are you doing?"

"I am having a discussion with my friends here..throwing a small party.."

"To your friends?!! Who?"

"What do you mean by who..! Sonia and and Jayalalitha!!! O k?"


He laughed.

"When are you coming here? Come fast. Let us meet."

Then...and then ..only..
She told him about her programme...!!

* * * * * * *

Then? What happened now?

Why this topsy turvy?

She's totally confused ..So many thoughts, so many incidents were crossing her mind one after the other.

"You are playing with his life."

"He's struggling hard to have just food for at least once a day."

These were Protap's words
that kept ringing in her memory
again and again.

To be honest ..
that was the reason she planned her trip
in a hurry-burry..way!

It was just a heresy version...
she received ..
he was going to dispose off
all his property!!!

She was not aware of the reasons.

She was not aware of his problems.

She was not much aware
of his personal life too..
for that matter.

Why he was hard up for money,
Why he was starving,
What made him to face such hardships..
Nothing she knew.

There was no way of knowing too...
for sure
unless he tells her himself.

But she wanted to be there with him.
She may not be of much help.

But she wanted to stand by him.

May be ..
he would not expect anything of that sort..
but she wanted it that way...
as she was very much worried
what she had done before
to him in the past
she very much repented
her past actions!!!

It was all humane!!!

But see..
what fate had bestowed upon her
what all she was forced to face..
in return!!!!

To be honest
It is not for her sake
that she decided to take up the journey
though she loved
the idea of meeting him;
very much thrilled
to have such a lovely talk with him !!

It was for the sake of the person
whom she loved!

She never expected
even in her dreams
he never wanted..her...
her love...
her compassion...
and her company
nothing he wanted
from her!

look at her fate ...
it made her
a huge personal loss
in return,
most unexpected
n irrecoverable

She lost her father!!!
It was15th August!!!

Her father's soul
got freed from all the bondages
of the worldly affairs
on that independence day!

* * * * * *

By the time
she reached home
arrangements were going on
for his funeral.

A very pathetic silence
shrouded the entire area.

The minute she stepped in
all her relatives
started crying loudly..
sharing their sympathies with her.

No words
No tears
No cries.. from her side.

She stood beside the dead body
lying on ice blocks
covered with white blanket..

Then looked at her mother -
leaning back to the wall
covering her face with her palms
and crying silently.

No words
No tears
No cries
..from her side.

As though
her eyes forgot to cry
after all the trauma
she had undergone
her heart itself got dried up
after meeting
all those unwanted circumstances !!!

(will be continued)

Edited :23.04.16 @3.24pm

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© acharyaushalavanya

Very Disgusting!!!

Kavya' getting very desperate!

She remembered
to have said it to Sruthi Kanth
some time back..

all the disparities of my life
all the disturbing factors
all the discripancies
and all the difficult moments
instead give me yourself....
just your self!!!

"I want 'you' to strengthen my 'ego'
physically, mentally and spiritually..
at every aspect of my life
in every other sense!!

"I want you.
I need you.
Be with me...
let me be with you
to endure this life..
what ever may come out...
as time keeps unfolding it!

Let me be with you.!!!"

So innocent of her!!!

She felt a sudden shudder
running through her body!

Where were those days gone?!!

Where all those
soft and consoling words!!

A promise that was made by him
A promise that was trusted by her
that -
he will be there
at every aspect of her life
making his presence felt
as the 'closest' friend of hers...
vanished in to thin air!

After all...
After all..
why is she getting so mad now
about it all?

Due to
the fear of losing him?
Due to
the harsh way she was handled?

Of course
she had never experienced
such a brutal destiny ..
playing such a nasty way with her...
It is ..
dipping your hand
into the oil...fuming n boiling!?!
burning your skin
with a red hot iron bar!?!

How she had undergone it all
is not the all
how he could do it to her!!!!


She never expected it from him..
Never! Never!!
She had never expected it
that person
whom she considered above all others;

whom she cared for
whom she trusted
more than her own self;

the person whom
she wanted or expected .. rather
to be kind and soft..
to her,
at all the times
could do it to her-
stabbing her soul ..
right into her soul ..
knocking her down flat on her face
leave her to her fate bleeding
at such a crucial juncture!?!!

How could he do it!?

But..untill then
all the time ...almost all the time..
he was trying to make her believe..
that promise!!?

What went wrong so suddenly?

Not even a sigh of an explanation
unuttered 'n untold?!!

Still wants her to trust him?
Still wants her to dream about maintaining a cardial bond?

Not at all!
Not at all!
Kavya is not that innocent.
Kavya is not so foolish..

Then why..?

What is that .. she's still expecting
from her love
from her life?

Why her fate
took such an unexpected turn,
knocking her down
unawares, now?

It is like sailing in a ship..
all alone ...
left all alone ...rather
in the midst of a deep ocean-
no one to hear her cries.
no one to share her fears...
left out all alone ..
in the hands of cruel destiny..
so serene and
'luxuriously' modest

What else
the fate is going to unfold now?

(Will be continued)

Edited : 23.04.16 @ 11.05 am

(I, as a writer, feel much more was left out ..unheard & unspoken!
Something that was clearly felt at every pore of the heart
but strangely .. not clear what it is!!!
Can any one make it clear to me?)

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Kavya realised...

The importance of words that we use!

A word we utter is capable of changing our fate!!

That's why people say
that we should be careful
when we speak...

"You may not marry him.
You will marry someone else.."
He said weighing each word carefully.

"No. No.
If at all I had to marry
someone else,
I need not wait for such a long time
and I need not travel all the way
from Hyderabad to Cochin...
to meet you all!!!"

"I understand..!"

He kept scribbling something
for some time
and then asked her..

"Your father, Vachaspati,
is a retired person
and he worked in railways, right?"


"Your mother, Rajya Lakshmi,
is a housewife..?"


"Your native place is Bobbili..
and you are born there
in a cattle shed.."

Wonder struck...she nodded 'yes'.

Till that day
she never had spoken
to any one about it..
She remember to have heard
from her mother
that because of the summer heat
her mother used to take rest
there, in the shed, covered with hey where... she..was born!!!

He continued..
while Kavya looked at him
with fright and wonder;
It looked
as though he was giving his verdict...
and she was accepting it meekly.

When she was born..;accurate time of her birth ;
What day and date she was born ;
Which month and year she was born ;
Her birth star and zodiac sign ;
Her likes and dislikes ;
Colours she likes ;
Sweets and savories she would like to eat ;
Her educational qualifications ;
Where and as what she is working.;
Her health and financial problems ;.
When she would die..
at what age..she would die!!!

How is it possible!!!

What mystic powers are helping him
to tell all the facts of her life
so accurately?!!

Kavya felt she is getting mesmerized!

It was a magical experience..

Had it not happened to her
she wouldn't have believed it at all
that babas-
future tellers exist!!

Not a second's time
was given to her
to interfere in between.

She also never felt the need
to interfere
as he was giving
the exact and accurate information about her life..
without taking even a breath!

after some finger-calculations
looked at her,
taking a deep breath..

She noticed
he was writing down her 'jAtakam'
in the note book
at the same time...

"You will not marry him.
You will marry someone else.
and both of you
will adopt few children..."

All assertive sentences!!!

"If you are very particular
about marrying him
you have to follow my instructions carefully..
otherwise you may not succeed
in attaining your goal
there won't be any point
in blaming me later ..
saying I told all baseless things."

He gave her a vivid description
of all the poojas
she ought to perform..
at various temples
on various occasions..
the offerings and sacrifices
she had to make ;
warning even if a single step
goes wrong ..
everything will become a waste.

He said ..

After completing all that,
she had to come back to him again..
after completing the entire process.

She nodded silently
though she was feeling very bitter
and desperate.

She realised
she can not do anything
that he suggested..
though she was asked
to visit mostly those temples
which are situated in and around Hyderabad only..

It is the time ..
and it is money ..
that is involved in the entire process
that discouraged her.

She did not say anything to him.

Silently took leave from him
and left the place.

** ** **

Train is moving with a rhythmic beat.

All the travellers are fast asleep..
in the dim blue light..
cuddled ..where ever they could!

Somehow she managed to get a side berth.
Even then
She couldn't sleep.
She kept looking out
into the dark.
Nothing is visible outside.

Kavya's mind
started wandering
around her father.

He became aware of
what all going on
with his beloved daughter?!!

Could not digest the truth
his daughter had to lead a lonely life..
dejected and disappointed?

Too shocked to bear with it..?

She ran her hand on the note book
that Nadi Baba handed over to her..
which she kept in her hand bag ..

'Can Nadi Baba do something
to reverse his condition
first of all;
she can think about the rest
leisurely !'

Tears rolled down her cheeks.

She started re-living
each and every minute
of each and every incidents _
that occurred
after she came out of the house.

She started recollecting them
step by step
analysing her own actions
and to...
What went wrong?

Why it all happened
in such a drastic way?
Was she to be blamed
for all that happened.
Or it was destiny !??

(will be continued)

Edited :22.04.16 @11.40 am


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For a fraction of a second
cool breeze from air conditioner
hugged her smoothly,
accompanied by a soft tune ...
of a filmy song
probably..a TV song..

'चलो एक बार फिर से अजनबी बन जाये हैम दोनों...'

"So...What he says now?"

After a brief conversation
he asked her again.

"Will he marry you?"

"He...said, he will.."

Kavya answered giving more stress on 'he'.

".. what is it holding him back then?!!"

"That's what!!! He's refusing.."


"To marry..!!!"

"Just now you said,
he said he would marry!!!?"

There is slight of irritation in his voice.

"He said he would..earlier, but refusing now.. I don't know why I was asked to see you... in this regard, and I briefed you very clearly about it."

Kavya clarified herself once again.

"O.K! O.K!!"

He mused prolonging 'O'....of OK

One mosquito..
don't know
how it got it's way into the room,
kissed her cheek
silently ...
Kavya gave it a smooth slap.

It was an instant and simultaneous reaction.

He too looked up at her ..instantly .

"Every thing got changed.. "

he muttered ...
as though talking to himself
in a low murmuring voice..
and then said
in such a way
as if he's making a declaration -

"You will not marry him!!"

"What?" Kavya almost shrieked in a fury.

She wondered how a mosquito bite can change everything !!!

He said something in Tamil...which she could not understand.

"Couldn't follow?"

She nodded 'No'.

Still he continued to talk for two to three minutes only in Tamil ..

What she gathered was..

In her previous birth
(she might have born as a boy )
she loved someone
but due to few discrepancies
took her lover to a hill top
and pushed the person down
killing 'HER' instantly .

That's why
she was punished now -
by God
in this birth ..
by depriving her
of family life
and humility.

She did not utter a word.

She was not sure
whether she understood him
correctly or not.

But she did not say anything.

(Will be continued)

Edited : 22.04.16 @10.52 am


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What a hellish life!

What she had expected out of life
what all happened...!

Was it all preplanned!?!!

Did he know it ...
what all she was forced to face?!!

Why didn't he stop?

Why didn't he warn her...

Was it he..who wanted her
to undergo all the wrath-
by meeting people..
by listening to them
what all they say?

What she was told .. anyway...

'No! No way!
I can't believe it!'

She kept telling it to her self..
again and again..
at all the times..
whenever ..
any lingering memory
of the recent past incidents
tried to knock her down!!!

* * * * * * * *

Kavya started very early
that morning..
enquiring about the place
every now and then.

Roads were wearing
a silent 'n sublime look.

Kerala's an ideal place
for morning walks,
she thought.

Thick and dense woods
on either side of the path
with dwelling houses to one side
and back waters on the other
glittering through the trees
in the early morning's golden light...
makes you burn out
with a deep desire
of getting lost in the wilderness
and walk around aimlessly.

Smoke rising
high into the misty sky
from somewhere .. far and far away
a glimpse of fire set by the early risers
at a distant remote place ..
was giving the surroundings
an eternal feeling of bliss!

She kept on walking
with a strip of hand
containing 'Nadi' kendra's complete address,
wondering why she was insisted
to meet this person
without fail.

It is a very remote place
almost at the outskirts of the city..
..A village
that looked
still lost in it's slumber,
breathing serenity of silence...
dreaming about sublimity of nature!

What an ideal place
'Nadi baba' chose
for a peaceful dwelling, she thought!

She entered into the compound of the house at last.

Totally different atmosphere's
prevailing there..
as thoughcherishing
an exotic feel of Andhra culture
an embodiment of traditional Telugu sentiments!

She silently walked
and knocked the door.

One middle aged women appeared
with a silent look of surprise..

"I came to see 'Nadi baba'.
Dr.Chary recommended me to .. "

Surprise on her face
now turned into a pleasure based look.

"Oh. Please come on in."

She was invited.

She took her into an adjoining room, small but well furnished,
offered a seat,
and switched on the fan.

"Please don't mind..,
you may have to wait for some time.
We just are preparing ourselves..
for a new day!"
She said something like that
in Malayalam.

"Sure!" Kavya said with smile,
which is very usual to her.

A hot cup of refreshing coffee
was served to her
by a house maid.

After ten to fifteen minutes..
a deep low pitched voice
greeted her...from behind.

"Sorry for making you wait, young lady!"

(Will be continued)

Edited : 22.04.16 @2.15 am

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