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Serializing socio-thriller: 'The Poacher' at IndiLink on every Wednesday evening. Looking forward to your comments. Here is Part #1:

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Self-promotion is disgusting. If you agree, please download my new FREE Ebook! If you disagree, you're in luck because you can now download my new FREE Ebook! =P

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Business is Booming all thanks to SCROTUS Donald J . Trump! He da man! He da big man! He da scary man! =D

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How to turn your Shit Novel into a Best-Selling Suspense Thriller:

1) Gradually increase the font size.

2) Write "DA DA DAAA!!!" every now and then. Gives people the chills!

2) Use the creepy sound from Jaws.

3) Mix it up with the vomit-inducing screeching noise from that shower scene in Psycho.

4) Whatever the story, say that somewhere in the distance lurks a child-molesting dwarf with a pickaxe.

5) Have random people scream "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!"

6) Remind the reader that this is all based on true events no matter how ludicrously fabricated.

7) Every couple of pages shock your audience with pictures of your grandma in nothing but a G-string and flip-flops.

8) Smear a couple of pages with your blood, feces and semen. People love personal shit like that.

8) Nana's obviously got the hots for well-hung midgets so include some snaps of her banging the shit out of the little perv.

9) OK, time to actually kill your grandmother and all those little people she kept locked up in her basement and include body parts in every copy of your book.

10) Add a link to the deluxe edition of your masterpiece that showcases your arrest, trial, time on death row and of course your very own execution.

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A flash fiction play on a classic fairytale (Goldilocks). Plus some food photos ;)

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1) I totally agree with your mum. You are a genius!
2) Publishers?!? Please! What do they know?
3) Don't worry about it! The reason your Amazon sales have been flat-lining is because there are simply too many downloads and the system needs time to adjust!
4) Of course you don't get reviews from readers! You leave us speechless!
5) No, I'm not saying those things because you're aiming a gun at me. Don't be ridiculous!
6) Sure! Would love to read your book again, but it might be easier if you untie me first. You know, 2 weeks is a long time.
7) Oh, I promise I won't try anything funny. After all, you're now my favourite horror writer ever!
8) Hahahaha! In your face, you crazy motherfucker! Didn't see that one coming, huh? Tell me, who's in charge now, biaaatch?!?
9) What do you mean it's not loaded? Oh, because you didn't want to kill me, but now you do? Yeah, good luck trying, asshole!
10) Click, click, click. Oooooooh, shiiiiiiiiiite!!!

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Dom's "How to Write a Best Seller":

1) Get someone else to do it, i.e. a REAL writer.
2) Seriously, stay away from the creative process as far as possible.
3) In fact, do not have any contact with the writer whatsoever. Your whiny voice and punch-ugly face will put them off.
4) Can't stop writing while you wait? No problem! Make sure to write on toilet paper, wipe your ass and flush it.
5) Still can't resist the urge? Take a dump on your desk and send a picture to your friends and family, asking them to compare it with a sample of your "writing". They won't be able to tell the difference!
6) OK, send me your 1000-page document and I'll boil it down to the following: CRAP!
7) Join Shitty Writers Anonymous.
8) Take lots of drugs to cope with your pathetic life.
9) Kill yourself in a really dramatic way.
10) People love that shit and "your" book will be flying off the shelves!

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"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" That's the Hatter's infamous riddle in Alice in Wonderland. And if you, like myself, thought you lost your sanity trying to figure it out, you obviously haven't heard about the solution, which Carrol added in his final revision. It goes as follows:

"Because it can produce a few notes, though they are very flat; and it is never put with the wrong end in front!"

What the hell is that supposed to mean? That's worse than the original question! =O

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A little flash fiction about stumbling into a new circle of hell.

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Love, Or Something Like It
“What do you mean, you like him?” Victor stopped digging and chucked the shovel out of the hole. It landed on the loamy ground with a soft thud. Sweaty and caked with the ripe smell of rich earth, he pulled himself out from the grave and stared at Mia. She ...
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