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Order now or get it free as Kindle Unlimited http://www.amazon.com/My-Life-Dyslexia-other-Shit-ebook/dp/B01AOI4LO8?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0 and discover how a child gets bullied into depression, to one day emerge stronger and in the end become a author against all odds.
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About a year ago I introduced my book Waiting in the Wings, which is not just another romance novel, but about mental abuse as well. This weekend the book is for free on Amazon www.amazon.com/Waiting-Wings-Nicole-Kiefer-ebook/dp/B0156XNXKY and I would love to hear from people who have dealt with the issue what they think about it. I would be honored if you would get it and leave a review afterwards, or simply drop me a note.
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Mental abuse the killer of the soul
 
What is mental abuse?
It was one of the questions I had to ask myself while writing Waiting in the Wings.
And why aren't the woman who get abused like that, simply walking away?
In the end I answered the second question first. The woman didn't walk away because emotional abuse is like waves, it erodes the soul slowly, as waves erode the coast over hundreds of years.
I'm no expert, all I know is from articles I read and what I imagine happens.
Just like in any relationship that becomes physically abusive, I would think emotional abuse, develops over time as well. I simply can't imagine that any person, male or female, would fall in love with a partner when the abuse is there from the beginning.
Now, where a physically abusive relationship would leave bruises, broken bones, lacerations, and other visible evidence, emotional abuse is invisible.
Its words, comments and behavior of the abusive partner that causes the damage, not his fists. Comments on how you look, move, act, or talk, voicing dissatisfaction on a constant basis, chafing on self-esteem, confidence and self-worth. In time the person entering that kind of relationship, becomes someone else, someone who measures their worth on the reaction of their partner.
 
"You went out of the house like that, you look like a slut. But I guess you wouldn't know better, since you don't pay attention to much." Would be something that hurts, yet the abuser would see only his effort in correcting a perceived mistake, even believe he is helping.
 
"I gave you the responsibility of the finances so you could learn to be responsible, shouldn't have thought you could manage it." Another thing is that often the abuser will hand over responsibilities and decisions to the one abused, so he/she can see you fail, can rub it in and help you better yourself.
 
Physically the abuser will use the abuse victims' desire, sexual longing and intimacy against them.
Where in a physically abusive relationship sex might be used as punishment, going as far as rape, in an emotional abusive relationship it's often the other way around.
The abuser will reduce intimacy to a minimum, or refuse it totally, he might say things like, "I don't feel like touching you tonight, I rather wish I had someone attractive around." Making the abuses partner feel not enough, unattractive and unwanted.
 
What I read and learned is, that there is one big difference between a physically abuser, and an emotionally abuser. The difference is that the physically abuser often regrets his doings, and when calmed, knows that his doings were wrong. Yet the emotionally abuser, seems to believe himself as actually helping, caring and supporting his victim. "I'm telling you that not to hurt you, but so you can work on your flaws and become a better person."
With time the abuse victim will believe that he/she is flawed, needs to change to become a better person, change her looks, her behavior, losing herself in the process. While they fight for their marriage, relationship, partner's attraction, they change only to fail again and again in the eyes of the abuser.
 
I can see a person recovering from physical abuse, the wounds heal, and the person might have trust issues, be more careful, maybe even avoid a new relationship for a long time, but I can see them recover.
Yet I have trouble imagining anyone coming out of an emotional abusive relationship even close to the person that went in. The abuse victim lost him-/herself during the time, changed in so many ways, that the original person might not be existing anymore. Yet I also know that if the abuse victim isn't totally isolated, she might have a chance to maintain some parts of her/himself. Then if they ever free themselves, or are freed by a tragedy like in my book, there is therapy, and years of it might restore some of what was lost.
 
The things I learned while researching the topic, for Waiting in the Wings, inspired me to look into programs offered to those victims. Which is why I decided to spend $0.50 of every sold paperback to a woman's shelter or organisation helping those victims, to find themselves again. I will donate it twice a year, so if you know an organization that needs that money, please feel free to contact me. Canadian or Canadian based organizations only please. Only organizations that work with abuse victims / domestic violence. It's a cause worth supporting.
 
Waiting in the Wings by Nicole Kiefer available on Amazon http://www.amazon.com/Waiting-Wings-Nicole-Kiefer/dp/1508957878/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1442084920&sr=8-2, Creataspace https://www.createspace.com/5383770 or Lulu.com http://www.lulu.com/shop/nicole-kiefer/waiting-in-the-wings/paperback/product-22381059.html
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