Stream

 
It was nice to get the time and head space to get back to writing. I wrote this piece in celebration of an event that happened nearly three years ago. Although the road to recovery from sexual abuse has been long, and indeed is long for most of us who have had to travel it, there is no reason to travel it alone. Probably the greatest gift you can ever hope or pray for is someone who will walk with you and beside you, not judging or chastising but encouraging and celebrating with you. This person truly is a gift. If you are blessed enough to find someone, they are your better half.

 
 
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Reminding people that children are exploited here and now, not just then and there. (And don't worry, this is not a plea for funds, just for awareness.)

http://www.sublimemercies.com/2015/04/here-and-now-oliver-twist-newsboy-cap.html
Rainy days are not conducive to dressing well, especially if I'm using my mobility scooter. But, if I can't pull off  a decent outfit in the rain, I'll seldom get to dress up at all from about October to June. So I do what I ...
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Angel Bear

Survivor Stories  - 
 
sighs Not sure if this is what I'm looking for. I'm 17, (please finish reading before checking me off because of my age) and need help coping with things. Use to talk to a kind woman online who helped me deal with past abuse. The man who did it is dead now, but I'm still forced to live with the memories of the sexual abuse. As of three weeks ago I started having flashbacks. I had prom that weekend with a kind guy. I mean the complete church going goodie good type of young man. And like I expected everything was great fun, but this didn't stop adults from telling me what could go wrong or what a young male might force me to do the week before I went.  This triggered the flashbacks that I've been having for the past two and half weeks. I have been in a down hill spiral since prom.
 
I have a therapist, in fact this is the third therapist I've seen. I started therapy in Dec of 2012. My first therapist was pushy and caused me to hit more depression then helped me. I never got a word in edge wise with her. My second therapist I actually could talk to (stayed with her six months). I talked to her a great deal and found myself looking forward to seeing her and getting problems off my mind. As of a few months ago she had to move away. She had been my therapist for a year. And now I have my current therapist. I can't bring myself to talk to him about anything. My fears of people leaving is to great for me to even begin to talk to him about anything. Plus, he in general makes me uncomfrontable. They have told me I can only switch back to my first therapist, so I have decided that I just in general need to get out of therapy till I can find a therapist that can help me.
 
People that normally help me with things are lost on how to help me. They keep telling me to talk to my Mom, but everytime I do she repeats the same sentance, "I'm sorry, I don't understand what you're going through." Or something along them lines. Then later on when I'm not around she calls my caseworker and tells her she needs to come and see me. My Mom doesn't seem to understand that by doing this I feel like she is pawning me off. I want my Mom's help. The main thing my second therapist tried to push forward. When my mom does call the caseworker I am picked up for an hour to talk about things. As much as I love talking to my caseworker I'm finding it more of a waste of time due to the fact she often tells me things I already know.
 
Other adults in my life don't seem to be a much better choice either. My soon to be Step-Dad just looks at me and says he doesn't know what to do either. My grandparents I never see, we live in the same town, but we have no connections. My friends parents get annoyed with complaining. I'm not sure when I'm complaining or explaining something to them anymore, so I'm finding myself more uncomfrontable with them then I use to be.

I could give you all a really long rant about my life, but I'm going to make it as simple and short as possible, because I know people are tried of reading or have stopped by now.
Four to eight years old: My Mom and bf #1 fought allot. They got in allot of fist fights. He tried to drown my sister and often attacked me and told me I worthless.
Eight to ten bf #2 was a druggie wanted nothing to do with anyone, bf#3 loved to drink and was always yelling, never physically harmed anyone.
Ten 1/2 to 15
bf#4 Mom married him. My youngest brother. And the man who sexually abused me for 4 and half years.
Nov. 2012 to now has been about trying to recover, I've made little progress and really am hoping some help from people who understand this can give me a little push in the right direction. The man who did the sexually abuse commited suicide in jail in Dec. of 2012.
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Angel Bear's profile photoCharlotte Issyvoo's profile photo
17 comments
 
If you can't feel totally happy, don't blame yourself. The past can really drag a person down and it's not your fault. Enjoy what happiness you can feel and don't say "should" about how much more you want to feel.
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Child Abuse Survivor
owner

Discussion  - 
 
Just want to notify everyone that the following message has been added to the description of this community.

Please note: any commercial posts or pleas for funding from fundraising sites that are not associated with a known charity will be removed, per the advice on those same websites about only donating to people you know and trust.

The explanation for this addition is in the link. In a nutshell, there are too many people out there asking survivors to help them raise money for various reasons with complete disregard for the very advice given on those sites about not donating money to people you don't know and trust. In the interest of not having this community inundated with these types of posts, just know they will be removed if/when I see them., but obviously I do not have time to constantly monitor everything that gets posted here. So if you see someone posting these types of things and it not being removed, feel free to contact me directly.
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Child Abuse Survivor's profile photo
 
Also, while I know non-members won't see this know that I have had several people ask to join and when I look at their profile it is full of "go Fund Me" messages posted over and over to different communities. They are not being approved for membership.
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morning all

Just wanted to express gratitude for adding me to the group. I enjoy the thought of being involved going forward.

theAuthor

 
 
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steven james

In the News  - 
 
For a guide on how to obtain justice and compensation for physical, emotional or sexual abuse in childhood see: http://www.ibblaw.co.uk/service/child-abuse-compensation-claims #childabusecompensation  
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AmericanSPCC

Discussion  - 
 
To Hit Is Not Kind. THINK before you hurt a child! Be the change. #THINK, #nospanking #noabuse #BeTheChange. http://www.americanspcc.org/think-initiative/
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AmericanSPCC

Discussion  - 
 
To Hit Is Not Kind.
THINK! Break the cycle of abuse. Be the change.
#THINK, #nospanking #BeTheChange
http://www.americanspcc.org/think-initiative/
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Joel Moore's profile photoChristy Ellen's profile photo
 
Thanks for helping raise Awareness of this wide spread problem
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AmericanSPCC

Discussion  - 
 
April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month.
Break the cycle of abuse. Be the change. Step up. Speak up. Stop it. Report it! #childabuse #noabuse #stopchildabuse #pinwheels. https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/preventing/preventionmonth/
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jonathan naff's profile photoLuther George's profile photo
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AmericanSPCC

Discussion  - 
 
April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. Break the cycle of abuse. Be the change. Step up. Speak up. Stop it. Report it!

If you suspect a child is being abused or neglected, trust your instincts and report it. If you see it. Speak up. Stop it. Report it! The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) is dedicated to the prevention of child abuse. http://www.americanspcc.org/need-help/. #childabuse #NationalChildAbusePreventionMonth.
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Christy Ellen's profile photoTussila Spring's profile photoJohn PLFVolunteer (MaleAbuseAwarenessWeek)'s profile photoDiane Raucher (broderick)'s profile photo
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Great initiative! 
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About this community

A public place for survivors to gather, for support or sharing information. this has been created in cooperation with the website www.childabusesurvivor.net. Please be respectful of all members, and remember that none of the moderators are professional therapists. if you are in immediate danger please contact local law enforcement or suicide prevention center. Please note: any commercial posts or pleas for funding from fundraising sites that are not associated with a known charity will be removed, per the advice on those same websites about only donating to people you know and trust.

Angel Bear

Survivor Stories  - 
 
Little bit rough due to that fact it's midnight and I'm basically sleeping on my laptop. Sorry about the essay start. The beginning is what I wrote for a college program I'm in over the summer.

"A scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, I survived."
-Chris Cleave, Little Bee
 
This quote to me is saying, yes, I've been hurt. Yes, I'm scarred, but it's the most beautiful scar in the world. My mind is changed, the images don't go away, but I can stand in front of people and say, "Yeah, I've been there and I'm not going back. I'm going to keep going and keep pushing forward." My scars can't be seen on my skin, but I can feel them. Every day Something happens that reminds me of my scars. They may hurt me, lie to me, but I won't ever be a victim, I'll bea survivor, that stands, and falls; only to stand right back up.
 
I've endured large amounts of depression over the years. When I heard "Broken Girl" by Matthew West something within me changed. Even as I started to feel like I could get better, I knew I would still have days when everything was too much. I knew I would have days I felt empty and alone, like everything is fading away from me. Where noises become so distant I can't hear people talking to me and the walls seem almost imagery. These days I know I'll sit in a corner, cold and dark, away from others just trying to remember where I am, why I'm here and what I even did in the past hour. My memories fade and suddenly I can only remember his eyes staring at me.
 
On these days the lyrics from "Broken Girl" play on repeat. "Let your tears touch to the ground/ Lay your shattered pieces down." I sing them over and over again trying to remind myself there is something out there that is so much better than what is going on inside my head. The fear taking over my mind and the image of him watching me. The feeling of knowing when he would next strike. It's horrifying knowing when the danger is increasing, knowing and counting down days till I had to face him. I knew, I always knew if the weekend would be safe.
 
Even now as I look back at what happened I know I wouldn't change a thing about my life. If it wasn't me in that spot he would have attacked one of my siblings. This much makes me feel better it was me instead. I love my siblings to death and would take on any pain I could for them. They don't deserve anymore pain. My family has seen enough of it and now it's time for things to be okay again.
 
My scars are a reminder things have been worse, and they will never again be that bad. Things are better now and can only keep going forward. My scars will slowly fade as I remove the shards he propelled into my life. I refuse to keep being a victim, I will rise above whatever stands in my way, because I know I have greater strength then whatever tries to challenage me. I'm a survivor with a scar!
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Loren Grace's profile photo
 
Lately, I'm finding myself rather fond of my scars, in a strange sort-of way. Not that I am happy over what put the scars there, but the scars make me who I am today. I can't love myself without loving my scars, too. :) 
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Tipp Community

Discussion  - 
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Quick update. I saw my new therapist, sex therapist, as she did an inventory on me and talked a little bit about why am I here and to share a bit of my story. My next session is May 7th to start the actual therapy and she did say she wants to work on me opening up my feelings. She was shocked to find out how I don't know my relatives in the family only two aunts and a cousin but I don't even know them now knew them growing up.

Lots of people are shocked when they find out I have no relationships with the other "relatives" which is why I am the oddball in a group of friends as they had relationships with their other relatives. I have no interest only the relationship with my sister and brother. I do need a new family an extended family that I can count on. I am in tears holding them back I was thinking at the laundrymat today once we go through my feelings, the walls will fall and something is/will emerge - that is what I am afraid of.

I am sure it will be a good thing but the fear of the unknown is an uncertainty. I have never been able to sit down and say out loud freely about my feelings or if you gave me a quiz with hypotheticals 'how would this look like on a scale of 1-10.' I shy away from those as I feel embarrassed to say something about my feelings - this is my guy persona coming out embarrassed about expressing feelings or crying in front of others.

I was wondering when my new sex therapist said how I feel like the oddman out how I feel that my siblings left me to fend for myself with my "birth people" and how others out there said I will do just fine just figure out your own issues and everything will fall into place and if I just stopped complaining I could have everything I wanted. I am not sure if anyone has any answers for this question: I am so mentally and physically exhausted; I am just now getting the life skills that should have been taught to me long ago. As stated a lot, nobody in the past wanted to help me get away from them insisted the usual bs they are your parents. Now, I am starting to feel like an adult (in my own way) but still feel trapped in child mode. What is it about me that people felt I could "do all of this on my own?" They said I have faith in you and turned around taking that faith away from me.

Battling with narcissistic people is not easy at all and this isn't as simple as quitting a job and finding yourself. My life has been nothing but a battle which is why I feel so physically and mentally sick dealing with this on my own. Getting away from narcs is not easy at all either and saying 'just get up and leave' is the fear of uncertainty and without knowing anything about yourself, your self-worth, resources, etc makes it extremely hard to just 'walk away.' So yea, just wondering why people out there feel there's more to me that I could do it all. My boyfriend has been a great support, but I am the one still fighting this battle alone and this should have been won long ago. Like I have said a lot, it feels like I am still serving a life long prison sentence for something I had no control over.

I am the youngest, why am I the one still having to carry this burden while my older siblings don't have too because "they already lived with the horror?"

Tears running down my face...guess that's why people say you're so hard or hardcore. Pray for me that the therapy goes well and get to utilize tools for my own healing journey.
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John PLFVolunteer (MaleAbuseAwarenessWeek)'s profile photoMarquis “‫יהלומית‬‎” Crumpton's profile photo
21 comments
 
+John PLFVolunteer Lmao exactly seems like a lot of parents out there I've encountered are fearful of what I have to say even though I have no kids my birth people are a perfect example to use. That made my ex-therapist in rage giving me that damn look like 'you got the nerve to say that yet you have no kids,' told her 'apparently, you're not too bright that you couldn't come up with the shit that I have already said did and moved on!' ooh she was hot when I said that lol!

Funny how people agree with nurturing and in the same sentence kids need to defend themselves they need to be like adults which is it?!

"Placing adult responsibilities on kids is seriously wrong too, and robs them of their childhood."

Agreed. At age 10, I am the one who is making logical sense about things should and should be, I mean really?!? Probably this has hone my skill in being logical and calling out bs when needed! Like I asked people, in what way does this make sense? No answer how typical! 

People said your siblings already dealt with their shit time for you to embark the journey of taking your parents' shit and being the one to take on the responsibility I said wtf?!?! I asked people is this a story of Jacob and Esaw?!? That doesn't allow me to breathe on my own since these people tell me I gotta put up with more nonsense!

I didn't tell you this: one session I had with that lousy ex-therapist, she had me to read the chapter of Joseph the one who was thrown into the well at 17. He did suffer, was made into a General in the Egyptian army, married an Egyptian woman had 2 kids, and it was like 30 yrs since he's seen his brothers and father. His brothers didn't recognize him all being shaved until he revealed who he was and yea he forgave them.

Again, is my life the story of Joseph too? Ex-therapist said what my parents did was a blessing for me to utilize how to be strong-willed blah blah I just fucking looked at her and said if that was the case, then I wouldn't have been raised codependent, would've had better outside role models to help me along the way, then still wouldn't be living with them if that was the case! Yes, good things came out of it for Joseph as everything in my life has always been a dead end that chapter didn't really relate to me.

Hmm, yea, makes sense why I have PTSD! The woman who did my intake before seeing the therapist told me you have a lot of trauma going on. About damn time someone finally sees the real issue behind it yet previous people told me 'you're just stressed everybody goes through it just breathe' or 'you're too damn sensitive stop using stress as an excuse.' What person growing up from a child back then needed to be so high strung and stressed out daily? Not one parent I have encountered could officially answer that question! Not even the damn school counselors could answer that!

The home environment is very toxic and lots of stress, hmm probably explains why I didn't do okay in school or fairly okay in school. I couldn't think or sleep my mind is still racing a 100 mi a minute. I do get bad headaches/migraines from time to time, my bp has gone up not too high but like normal high which I have gotten it back done to normal range. I am like people still don't find this to be a problem?! I wouldn't doubt a lot of child abuse survivors have some form of PTSD.

Yea, I was never taught how to manage or help my PTSD. I was told to suck it up and deal with the stress that people are jerks oh well. Lol how do we deal with jerks is the question?
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Men and the Stigma of mental health

The Good Men Project posted a great article by Dr. Narveen Dosanjh.Below are a few highlight's :

Men are subjected to a culture where the standards of masculinity are literally making them sick.

Mental Health disorders are common throughout the United States, affecting tens of huge numbers of people each year. But only half of those affected receive treatment. It is imperative that we look at gender differences in not only the experience of mental illness but also in the capacity to get help and engage in treatment when necessary.

Depression in men is not uncommon and often goes unrecognized and untreated. Research has shown that while men develop the standard symptoms of depression, they often experience it differently and may have different ways of coping. In men, depression can be a serious medical condition. More than six million men suffer from depression each year. Many men try to deal with it independently, but depression symptoms can make them chronically miserable. Depression consequently also puts men at risk for suicides.


Although women are prone to attempt suicide, men are more prone to lethally complete it when they do make an attempt; ending their life right away, without any second chances and usually without many or even any pervious cries for help, leaving loved ones shocked and bewildered. Sadly, men have to hide behind the facades they feel impelled to build. It is usually very difficult for men to come forward, open up, and engage in some form of mental health treatment. Men also have traditionally shied away from therapy because talking about their feelings is viewed as negative and non-masculine – as going against the expected male image. We have to accept that we live in a culture where men often feel pressure to conform to an unrealistic macho image. The measure of their masculinity seems with an inverse relationship to the expression of their vulnerability, and it is literally making them sick. Real men are not allowed to be weak, break down, or cry. They are supposed to be invincible, unbreakable super-heroes. Except, they are not. They are only human.

For the complete post please click here.
http://noworkingtitle.org/men-and-the-stigma-of-mental-illness/

 
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"There were two therapist sitting in a bar...." or maybe I should say, "There were a thousand therapist sitting in a bar and a massive bar fight broke out because they each had their own opinion on how WE were suppose to recover."

Just like it is your story, it is your journey. There is no right or wrong way...there is just the journey. For me I found EMDR useful for a time, but really it has been tenacity, writing, the gym and being future focused that has helped me through.

If I had stopped pursuing recovery, if I had allowed the options of others and even the sway of a therapist to determine my course, I would never be this far down the path to wholeness. If you spend anytime reading or talking to others about their story you will find that there are as many similarities as there are  people recovering.
 
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Alan Fountain

In the News  - 
 
House Bill 17 Needs thousands of Emails, Calls and Letters heading to Governor Deal asking him to please sign this bill into Law. The opposition has not let up in lobbying to convince Governor Deal to veto this bill. Disgraceful that the battle still rages after a House Vote of 169 to 2 and a Unanimous Senate Vote. Please let your voices be heard that the Hidden Predator Act, House Bill 17 must become law within the 40 day window from April 2nd to give child rape victims a small step toward justice and help expose perpetrators in our communities. Governor Deal please sign House Bill 17.
https://gov.georgia.gov/contact-us-0
Governor Deal's team is working hard to deliver people-focused, customer-friendly services to the citizens of Georgia. Before you write us, you may want to take a look at some of the links below. We want to address your concern as quickly and efficiently as possible. This may mean that state government is not always the appropriate venue for your concern. Please consider the frequently asked questions (FAQs) and links for key contacts below. For ...
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shirleyalexis johnsonbrady's profile photo
 
TYSM for sharing this legislation petition/bill with me, +Alan Fountain. Although I do have birth family ties in the state of Georgia, I currently reside in Washington state and am unfamiliar with legislature in most other states....however, as an advocate 4 change (meaning that I work with my own local congress reps to request/program funding, etc for my district), and also as a crisis group founder, globally, I do help to inform and pass on petition's for legislation changes in states' where some of my group member's reside. So again, thank-you for sharing this and I will be sharing across my social media networking platform.
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AmericanSPCC

Discussion  - 
 
If you suspect a child is being abused or neglected, trust your instincts and report it. If you see it. Stand up. Speak up. Stop it. Report it! Break the cycle of abuse. Be the change. April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. http://bit.ly/1y5cCKv #childabuse #noabuse #stopchildabuse #pinwheels .
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Sharrise Combest's profile photoAmy Rene' Viklund's profile photo
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AmericanSPCC

Discussion  - 
 
An estimated 2.04 children per 100,000 die of abuse and neglect in the U.S. per year. April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. Break the cycle of abuse. Be the change. #childabuse #noabuse #stopchildabuse #pinwheels. https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/preventing/preventionmonth/
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STM Learning, Inc.'s profile photoChristy Ellen's profile photo
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AmericanSPCC

Discussion  - 
 
Approximately 70% of children that die from abuse are under the age of four. April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. Break the cycle of abuse. Be the change. #childabuse #noabuse #stopchildabuse #pinwheels. https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/preventing/preventionmonth/
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Christy Ellen's profile photoSuzanna Anderson's profile photoCry For Justice's profile photoKeith Hall's profile photo
 
Such a SAD Statistic ~ Help END Childhood Abuse. Thanks again
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AmericanSPCC

Discussion  - 
 
A report of child abuse is made every ten seconds. - Child Help. April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. Break the cycle of abuse. Be the change. #childabuse #noabuse #stopchildabuse #pinwheels. https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/preventing/preventionmonth/
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Amy Rene' Viklund's profile photoChristy Ellen's profile photoSTM Learning, Inc.'s profile photo
 
Thank You for bringing Awareness to this Terrible CRIME ~ Enjoy your weekend
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