A month without uploading he comes back with a tag (whoo)
That no one even tagged him he's not a challenge to drag (ouch)
So prepare for an attack and by that I mean cringe (cringe)
Cause this motherfucker's 'bout to get dragged by his fringe

First things first, you're freakishly tall it's weird you look like a noodle (true)
You've got hair that was cool in 2007 and wet you just look like a poodle (hobbit)
Throw in a really annoying posh voice and, yup, that's Dan (posh)
You're what would happen if Winnie the Pooh fucked Slenderman

You procrastinate making videos, cause being judged is scary? (ooh)
You're so close to being forgotten, the hate's imaginary (whoa)
The only reason you get views is you're another white guy
That people ship with his friend cause they think it's kawaii

Reasons why Dan's a fail (Yay!)
I'll give you some

You never tweet, you overeat, all you do is cry and sleep
Your jokes are shitposts and memes with no originality (uh huh)
Your family's sad you flopped your law degree at university
And anything embarrassing that's from your past you just delete

You were vegan for like three weeks, then what, you missed the meat? (milk)
Wow, I'm so impressed by your clear moral integrity!
You try so hard to be peaceful and diplomatic
But can't make toast without tumblr saying you're problematic (boo, oh)

I could go on there's more if I check
There's more things on this list than chins on your neck
On your birthday you joked you were a quarter way to death
A 100? Yeah, when getting out of bed makes you out of breath? (real)

So your celebrity crush was J-Law but now it's Evan P.? (mhmm)
What the fuck even is your sexuality?
It's hard to put you in a box when you keep it so blurry (what is it)
I think it's just to hide that you're secretly a furry

I'm-I'm joking

Okay that went deep...
Repress it? Yup!
Before I start crying let's wrap this shit up

I'm gonna go and masturbate, then cry into a slice of pizza (feelings)
Shout out to the other youtubers especially Ryan Higa (jerk)
A cringe compilation mixed with cultural appropriation
Met with no depreciation it's the YouTube nation

Click subscribe, if you wanna watch 4 videos a year! (or 3)
To see my last one (from 10 years ago), just click over here (fail)
So leave a comment with your reaction, you can call me a liar
Cause you just witnessed the roast of danisnotonfire

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Curly hair Dan and Phil w stubble is just making my heart go asdfjklfkl
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Come to me children

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Lowkey hate when girls say that they like one more that the other or that one is cuter than the other

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10/10 would read again

fluff potent enough to give you Phan dreams

#phandomfacereveal  Although I will not be doing one for privacy reasons, I'd like to say a few things about it.
You're all calling yourselves ugly, disgusting, gross, the list goes on, because the odds are you believe it. Which is really sad, because not a single one of you are any of those things. You're all really pretty, beautiful, and you should be proud of that. So please, believe in yourself, I know that's hard, but you should, because you all matter very greatly to a lot of people, me included. If any of you need to talk, I am here, and I'll listen to you. So, with this  said, let's get this trending-  #Iambeautiful     

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