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April has always been a bad month for me

I’ll get through it though, as much as I want to spend the month just hibernating

There's so many instances where I feel so bad and I really want to vent, but I get that "shrinking away" sensation so many times. It gets to the point where people haven't listened to me, and I don't know why, when I start typing a vent post, I'm so easily discouraged from ever posting it. I can't shake the feeling that it's not worth it to let it out, but so far I've just been riding it out a lot of the time. Someone in real life saw my vents and told me I was too vocal with my feelings. HAHA, IF ONLY YOU KNEW, ASSHOLE. THANKS. I do vent on twitter sometimes, on my private account, because it feels like a safer space and even if people don't reply it's nice just to be able to vent without worrying about people who dislike seeing vents and it really hurts me when I feel like cowering because of a vent I posted.

It's one of those feelings that finally is starting to wear away at me and I've just become so much more tense as a person. I think too quickly about everything and I always feel like there's something pressing down on my neck even when there's not (not literally, I mean it mentally) and I really wish I could communicate to someone, get actual mental help, even, because at this point the bad feelings are catching up to me again.

I hope that didn't sound really cheesy, or petty, or just plain idiotic. It's late, I'm in a tired and frantic state, and I really am in a state where I feel defeated, yet at the same time also anxious and desperate.

I don't know

What I was going to originally vent about was that there's just too much going on in my life, I feel like so many friends are drifting away from me, even my closest ones, I feel like I can't communicate well anymore, the usual life bullshit happens, I really just wish I could freeze time so I could take that time to just recover by myself. I'm really overwhelmed and everything is so fast-paced and as I said before it's getting to the point where I think, after a few long years, I might actually need emotional help.

Sorry again that I'm all over the place with this haha, I do feel a bit better after getting this off my chest here. I feel like it's a bit easier to vent in a place like this or on my private twitter than just to the general public.

And again, I'm tired, I'm drained, and I really need sleep. So goodnight. <3

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Regrets and Heartbreak
I know that I talk a lot of crap about my brother but I really do love him. And today was proof of that. I regret every time I said "I hope he learns his lesson" or "One day he's gonna get put in his place," because I've never seen him hurt so much. Everyone has their thing that they go to when they're going through hard times. I write. Many of you draw. He does landscaping.

We moved back in February and he told management that once the dirt was softer, he'd be back for the all of the plants of sentimental value and the ones he'd bought. Today was that day. Yet, as he was getting the ones he'd wanted and carefully setting the dirt back in the exact place he'd found it, the woman in charge of the HOA tells him he MUST put everything back or she'll fine him hundreds, charge him with theft, and get him arrested for trespassing. He tries to explain and she claims he'd cursed at her and been a smart-mouth. So, alone through a total panic attack of heavy breathing and gushing tears, he has to undo all of his hard work and leave all of the plants he'd gotten from our deceased Great-grandmother behind and his hundreds of dollars of yard work. My mother, sister, and I rush to get to our old rental house to calm him and sort this ridiculousness out.

The HOA queen won't hear any of it. We're all threatened with arrest and fines just for calmly seeking reason from this woman who's been looming over my sixteen-year-old brother for the past hour like he'd dug huge holes in a yard he didn't touch. He'd planned on replacing everything with these beautiful yet cheap flowers to leave the place looking nice, but no.

So the poor boy left his heart at that house. We got away with one plant we managed to smuggle away, but not without her saying that we'd tried to run her over (which never happened). What he was forced to leave behind would be like me being forced to leave Timber and Tundra (my beloved huskies) there. How can anyone be so heartless as to watch a teenager bawl his eyes out while laughing? Is this world truly so cruel? She used to be friends with us, but we move out and she turns almost demonic like a true hypocrite.

I never...

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I have a vent question:

How many of you live in dysfunctional families, broken homes, or blended families?
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I do

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i wish I could help people by showing them how much I hate everything and hopefully they'd feel lucky not to be me.
also, have some kurt.
he's really sweet.

Ok so i just saw this place and i figured it was perfect and i need Vent time. So i am going to say MAJOR VENT WARNING

So it all started in fourth grade i flt like a failure because i was picked on for liking warriors. I hated it. I leaned away frim warriors but it grew worse. I liked the team the Redskins. Picked on for that. I had to oean away from everything i liked. Whuch was so bad. But i got over it and got back with it. In fifth grade i resolved an arguement with my best friend Ashlyn who i had known since Kindergarten. But then she told me she was moving. Across the U.S. I was devastated. I had no friends anymore. She did one more thing with me and then left. I hated life. Then sixth grade started and i wad picked on for not straightening my hair and for being ugly. I started to straighten my hair but i was still called ugly. Then we lost our house. And i jad to move 9 hours away. I lost my friends. Family. The few friends i had left. And all my art over the move. I didnt even have a phone then. I met friends in the new place bit it wasnt the same. I hated everything then and had to find all my old art. After living there for 8-9 months i had friends and everything. But then my mother told me we were moving back home and i had to lose everything again. I gained a few things but i lost it all again. My best friend wont even be back until high school. ...Im in seventh grade now and my family always puts down my art. They say my animals look funny and nobody buys my commissions. I felt like a failure. So i stopped art. But then i continued. Nobody buys my art still but im always being yelled at. I never do anything right around my house and its always my fault. I dont know what to do anymore.


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