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Breaking News! David Cameron has been arrested on suspicion that he is from the 5th dimension, suspicions rose during a meeting between 'David' and Gordon Brown, he opened a portal, unleashing multiple daemons onto the paparazzi, killing 20. More on this story later...
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Breaking News! America have decided to cancel their military move on Syria after unearthing evidence that Assad has a fully functional death star on the edge of the solar system, which he alone can activate. Obama branded Assad as a "cheater" and "never wants to go to war with syria again". We'll try to keep you posted on this story!
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BREAKING NEWS: Game abandoned as players and staff at Real Madrid suffer from sudden existential crisis during match.

Ronaldo, clutching his face and aimlessly screeching into the uncaring wind blamed the fact that the outcome of the match could be decided by the initial coin toss, throwing his entire life into the hands of probability:
"My life is football, but if the coin decides it, then what am I here for? The sum total of my life's efforts are undermined by the harsh winds of random causality". More on this soon. 
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Today's top story! Scientists have conducted numerous experiments and have concluded that you can die if you drink too much bleach. Don't worry they tested their hypothesis with monkeys, their families in the jungle have been informed of their departures. Many bleach manufacturers such as 'Cilit Bang' are being sued by the public for selling a toxic drink. 
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Demon attack
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Reports from our African correspondent say that young Ganesh has been reunited with the remains of his home which was bombed by a Molotov a few hours ago, let's hope he can re-build his house before the next drought!
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Breaking News! God, the almighty supernatural ruler of the universe, mourns the death of his Grandmother and feels "distraught" and "saddened". God considered to remove the Sun and leave the Earth in total darkness for all of time, and to be a reminder of his power and terror. Stay tuned to find out!
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Hellbolla and Talibomb having a skirmish
the wise west hesitate, blink
the sons of Abraham throw stones at each other
the Orthodox and the Buddhists chuckling about the
whole spectacle.
they know they will collect on the money market either way.
borrow money to fight a war!
what about cholera in Haiti?
this stinks to high stakes

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Top Story! Nelson Mandela admits that prayers of millions played no part in his recovery, and quotes "A waste of time", and also states that 100 per-cent of the recovery was done by the doctors.“In these past days of struggle, I have seen messages of love from citizens around the world, which, while nice, weren't going to help remove the excess fluid from my lungs. Doctors do that”. Reported by Darren Burn.
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