Jack Carrol: Now i know what your thinking (Takes a deep breath in) Harry Potter has had a bad Quiditch accident 

Reganald DeHunter: I was in a pup the other night and i started talking to this british woman and when i told her that i was a comedian she said "Oh Your a comedian! So what do you know about Tommy Cooper" ... "He dead" i replied "I must be incredabbley british and correct your grammar, and i think it is he died" "At first he died, now he head" i said

Cathrin Tait: Am i bothord, does my face look bothered, so am I bothered 

Sarah Milican: My school was a bit like glee. People would burst into song, while the others yelled for them to shut up!

Ellen DeGeneres: My grandmother started walking at sixty six, but now she's ninety four we don't know where the hell she is! ... oh wait she is probably in prison!

Tommy Cooper: Last night i dreamt of a ten tone marshmallow and this morning my pillow was gone
Wait while more posts are being loaded