Biblical suggestions to find love-marriage
We all have a desire to love and be loved. We experience different levels of love from parents, siblings, friends, and others. But most of us also want to find that special someone we can share a deeper level of love with. A big question to consider first is, “what is my definition of love?” Understanding what we mean by “love” can help us see what we’re really seeking and why or why not it’s working.
The world tosses around the word love very loosely. Love is often associated with intense feelings that, in truth, are self-centered and noncommittal. In so many movies and TV shows, we see characters who follow their hormones and have sex before marriage.
The Bible gives a much different picture of love. True love is of God—in fact, He is love (1 John 4:8)—and He’s the One who put the need to love and be loved in us. Therefore, understanding His design for love is crucial. Love, according to the Bible, is rooted in sacrifice, commitment, and an impulse to benefit the loved one (see John 15:3). God’s love for us took Him to the cross. We know for certain that Jesus was not experiencing “happy” emotions on His way to the cross (Luke 22:42–44). The Bible describes our relationship to Jesus as that of a bride and bridegroom (Matthew 9:15; Ephesians 5:32). Romantic love is designed to lead to and grow within a marriage commitment (Genesis 2:24) and should be rooted in sacrifice (Ephesians 5:22, 25–28).
Any number of things could make finding love, according to God’s design, difficult. Here we will focus on a few big obstacles that we face:
Thinking there is only one “right” person for us: This is a lie that can keep us fearful that we’re settling for less than the best. Waiting for one’s perfect "soul mate” to show up can be a long wait. Whomever we choose to marry becomes the “right” one for us, because we’ve made a lifetime commitment to that person. The Bible has narrowed the field: our love must be a believer who is living for the Lord (2 Corinthians 6:14–15); beyond that, God will provide wisdom and discernment (James 1:5).
Thinking that a person will or can fulfill us: Only God can totally fulfill us, so we don’t have to find romantic love to have a sense of fulfillment! None of us are perfect, and to expect another imperfect human being to meet every need is unrealistic, unhealthy, and can only lead to disappointment.
Not being willing to change: It’s easy to imagine the kind of person we would love to be in love with, but how much effort do we expend in becoming that kind of person ourselves? We all have our own issues that we must address with God’s help in order to be the kind of people He desires us to be. It can be tempting to think that finding love will magically solve those issues. But being in a close relationship with someone will not fix totally our problems; it is more likely to expose them more. This can be a rewarding part of the relationship, as iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17), if we are willing to change and grow. If we’re unwilling to change, the relationship will be strained and could eventually be destroyed. This does not mean that every personal issue must be dealt with before we get married. Rather, we should get into the practice of asking God to show us what things need to be cleaned out of our lives (Psalm 139:23). As we become the people God wants us to be, we will be better suited for whatever relationships are in store.
Thinking it’s too late to find love: We know that God cares about our desire to find everything in life. When we fully surrender that desire to Him, we release the burden of trying to make love happen ourselves. Surrendering our desires to God, submitting to His will, and finding our fulfillment in Him are the keys to finding love. “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4).