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Lydia M

Cry it Out  - 
 
Ugh. So I'm having major sleep woes and I need help. Mostly because my husband works insane hours and I don't have the mental fortitude to deal with this. So here goes.

A month ago we moved into a 2 bedroom apartment so our daughter could have her room. We also switched our then 8 month (now 9 month) baby onto a 2-3-4 schedule. Prior to this move, she had been going down awake for 80%+ naps and 100% bedtime, and happily. Something about all the insanity meant that we started nursing to sleep for some naps and then more naps. I was never trying to nurse to sleep, but life is hectic, and I would go to feed her and she'd pass out. You see where this is going, right?

We never nursed to sleep for bedtime because I'm not a glutton for punishment, and there was a good chunk of time and lots of activity between a wide awake nursing sesh and put down.

The past two weeks she has had a cold, gotten one tooth, working on another, and probably a growth spurt to make sure we're all crazy. She is fighting naps, hard, and we're currently on minute 22 of bedtime crying.

So I need to stop nursing her to sleep for naps and be consistent. But guys, I am so shot. I put her down for every. single. sleep. session. and am the caregiver 95% of the time. (My husband actually works 100 hours a week, so I can't farm this out to him). And she still wakes up 2 times a night to nurse, so I am so tired. I don't fall asleep quickly after I nurse, her, either. I'd like to sleep when she sleeps during the day, or at least watch Netflix, but by the time she is done crying, I have knots in my stomach and can't sleep. It's awful. So sometimes I just cave, and after playing with her for a bit I just nurse her and let her sleep on my chest. Which is inconsistent. But my sanity.

Any tips? Anything? I live in a small apartment, so it's not like I can leave while she cries, or go to a different floor. She has black out curtains, white noise, sleep sack, etc. And her wall abuts the bathroom so I can't even shower. I've had bad postpartum anxiety/blues, and hearing her cry this much is horrible for my sanity.
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Rebecca Trump's profile photo
 
You don't need to stop nursing to sleep at nap times if that is working for you. Different systems control naptime and bedtime so the two are pretty distinct processes.

You do need to stop nursing anywhere near bedtime, including the first three hours after you put her down for bed. You can reinforce suck-sleep associations then. And, it sounds like you already know to make sure there's at least 20 minutes between the last nursing session of the day and bedtime.

Finally, with sickness and such it sounds like it's been a rough couple weeks but honestly where you are doesn't sound all that awful. I'm not sure if that helps, but overall it sounds like you're on the right track.
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Nicole S Kelly

Discussion  - 
 
How does the baby know we're trying to watch Game of Thrones? You think you've gotten the late bedtime fixed, ha ha. 10:15pm is party time!

Side note, I love that my toddler just existing causes the baby to laugh and coo. Talk about cheap entertainment!
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Stephani Williams

Early Morning  - 
 
Any tips on transitioning the notoriously early riser and otherwise generally inconsistent sleeper to a one nap schedule?

My little dude is 15 months, and has been on and off refusing his pm nap for a month or two. We've reestablished a time or two limiting the am nap, playing around with the wake time, but inevitably it seems to buy a week or two and then we're back to every other day refusals.

He's never been a great pm napper, but over the past few months his am nap has been consolidating I think (before I started limiting I could get 2-2.5 hrs naps) ... So I'm thinking as he gets closer and closer to 18 months it's probably time to move to 1 nap.

The kicker is he likes to get up early ... Between 4:45 and 5:15 is pretty consistent over the last 6 months despite all efforts (early bedtime - 6 pm, later bedtime -8 pm), leaving in crib til 6 am (almost never falls back asleep literally I can count on one hand), bright sun in evenings, blackout curtains, noise machine, etc.

I've basically succumbed to that at least for now he's an early riser but even if I stretch him 5.5 hrs his one nap of the day is likely to start at 11 am at the latest!!! Leaving a pretty big stretch to his 7 pm bedtime (asleep time) assuming he naps 2+ hrs at that point (I fear the overtired short nap).

Right now we use a 9 am and 2 pm nap time and some days come 8:45 am we are approaching meltdown -- so it's hard to imagine stretching him another 2 hrs at that point (or even 15 minutes if we make the move gradually).

Any suggestions??!??!
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Rebecca Trump's profile photoStephani Williams's profile photo
8 comments
 
Today was 90 but I've also tried 60 and 120

90 worked the other day for my husband hence my trying that again since my 60 yesterday also backfired ...


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Kara Reynolds

Short Naps  - 
 
Good afternoon everyone!

We followed Alexis' advice about a year ago and have been so incredibly happy with the amount of sleep our daughter is getting! We've had some rough patches, but knowing the big things that we can do to help her sleep better has made it all pretty smooth.

Current question: Our LO is now 20 months. She didn't seem to have any issues adjusting to the time change, but since around that time she has been more frequently waking up about an hour into her nap (usually her naps are 2 - 3 hours), hysterically sad and not going back to sleep on her own. Sometimes I can go in and she'll fall back asleep on my shoulder. I'm suspicious this is a mid-nap-poop situation (i.e. she's pooping in the middle of her nap and it wakes her up just enough to be awake but she's gotten enough sleep to not just go right back down).

I'm looking for any suggestions or words of wisdom about the nap ruining poop. Is it OK for me to have her sleep on me for that second hour? I definitely don't want it to turn into a habit. Also, for what its worth, we're planning on doing potty training with her in May (we wont be worrying about naps/night time at this point). Perhaps that will change up her pooping routine?

Thanks.
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Kara Reynolds's profile photoKelly Wiley's profile photo
6 comments
 
I always went in right away since my daughter battled diaper rash, but it certainly depends on your kiddo and what you feel comfortable doing! Good luck!
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Rebecca Trump
moderator

Fun Stuff  - 
 
+Jonelle Salmeier you think 3.5 is too young for GnR live in concert? Our little guy loves a rock concert but so many unknowns: Will they play 'get in the ring'? Will the middle age fans behave themselves?

Anywho, as my hubby and I ponder whether to buy just 2 vs. 3 tickets, it made me think of you - the one other parent I know jammin to some GnR with babes :)
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Jonelle Salmeier's profile photoRebecca Trump's profile photo
4 comments
 
Lucky for us, we're the second stop on the stadium tour so I presume he'll make it that far. And, perhaps age has mellowed the fellows. 
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Garth F

Nap Battles  - 
 
Hello Sleep Peeps! I used to come here often when my toddler was a baby. We navigated the baby sleep issues and ended up with an A+ (in my opinions) sleeper. My little love normally went to bed between 7:30/8 and woke around 8 am. He was taking one fabulous nap from about 1-3.
Last week, we gave up our binkies to the Easter Bunny. Sad to say that I really regret it now. After one rough night, he resumed normal night sleep.
Naps, however, have become an issue. It's been a week without naps. He is miserable and difficult all afternoon without it. I am miserable, too! He gets overtired before bed and it's been unpleasant to say the least. One day, I even tried driving around endlessly I hopes he'd snooze. Any advice? Are my nap days done?!


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Nicole S Kelly's profile photoKathleen Zdenek's profile photo
6 comments
 
My daughter (3.5) is a lousy sleeper but I understand from others that naps often fall off btwn 2.5 & 3 but patience should win out and they typically return. Good luck!
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Ashley Peel Smith

Nap Battles  - 
 
I need some nap related help. My son just turned 2 and has just started refusing to nap. Before spring break and the time change I would put him down for a nap between noon and 2pm, and he'd usually nap for 1-2 hours, with 30-60 minutes of chattering to himself before falling asleep. At night we'd usually put him to bed around 8/8:30 with the same amount of singing/talking before falling asleep. He wakes up between 6:30 and 7:30am For naps I'd usually take him to his room, change his diaper, read 1 book and sing to him, then lay him down and leave the room.
Last week we went on a big road trip, but he seemed to nap and sleep as normal. Now that we're back in our own time zone he's finally having to deal with the time change.
This week, today and the last 3 days when I put him down for his nap he's just talked to himself for 60-90 minutes and then started crying... After a few minutes of crying I go and get him. Yesterday after I got him up, we left the house and he fell asleep in the car within 5 minutes. He's been cranky and exhausted every night, even though we're putting him to bed earlier.

I'm not sure if this is just the effect of the time change and recovering from a trip, or if he's ready to cut out naps and have an earlier bed time. Any suggestions for what I could do/try? I use room darkening curtains, but haven't used a noise machine since July. He's skipped naps before, but never so many in a row.
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Nicole S Kelly's profile photoKelly Wiley's profile photo
4 comments
 
We went through this stage around 2 yo also. Keep at it!
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Jessica Gore

Discussion  - 
 
Like everyone else who posts here - my child is not sleeping well. My 2 year-old (25 months) has been consistently waking every night for the past 2 months right after his first sleep cycle. I put him down in his pack-n-play at 7pm (very consistent bed time) with his blankie, and he has absolutely not problem falling asleep; he even says "Love you Mom" before I leave. I weened him from his pacifier 4 months ago and that actually went pretty well - only a couple nights of fuss. Bedtime routine is great, but around 9:30 every night, he wakes up and starts to cry. I go into his room and rub his back a couple of times and leave the room. I try to minimize contact and how much time I spend in there as much as possible. This wouldn't be such a biggie, but now it's getting worse; he will continue to wake and cry every hour or so til midnight/1am. The lack of sleep is really starting to get to me (Mommy Zombie syndrome) and I could really use some advice/suggestions about what to do. Thanks (with absolute pleading sincerity)- Jessica
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Kelly Wiley's profile photoJessica Gore's profile photo
4 comments
 
He's not potty trained yet. I'm thinking it might be related to night terrors. Sometimes he seem scared but doesn't have the hysteria that my first child did with night terrors.
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Hi everyone! Baby Erik is about 2.5 months old now and seems to be pretty similar to his brother: night owl tendencies, a generally great sleeper once he's down for the night but a 30-45 minute napper but differs in that he needs a lot more soothing in general and is a lot more sensitive. Unfortunately bedtime seems to be creeping later and later which is wearing me down since I need to be up with a 2 year old at 8am regardless when I got to bed. And it's unlikely I'll get a break due to the short naps.

We had a week of 6-8 hours in one stretch every night last week that I was afraid to even tell people about for fear of getting slapped. :) This week he's doing about 5-6 hours, eats and another 3-6 hour stretch. It's still fairly variable but this week he isn't down for the count until about 1:30am. A few weeks ago, it was more like 12:30am. Few weeks before, it was nearer to 11:30pm. We had an 11pm bedtime with our first for close to 6 months, it took a lot of work to get it up to 8pm.

So all this boils down to, should I start waking him in the morning a little earlier each day now? Our wait until he's a little older? Since he's getting such a good chunk of overnight sleep, I'm a little hesitant to mess with it. But I also would appreciate more than 30 minutes to myself in a day!
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Nicole S Kelly's profile photo
2 comments
 
He's waking up to eat between 5 and 7am generally and then will be up for the day around 10am-noon. So it really is like 9-11 hour night, just shifted. I know 11pm bedtime is pretty normal for a newborn and things are still in flux, but I think since it took us so long to get Colin to bed at a reasonable time I'd like to be more proactive with this little guy.

I don't do anything different, and last night mercifully he was out for the night at 11:30 and not up until 7:45! 
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Hi girls. I posted a few weeks ago I had trouble with my 2yo girl who was used to fall asleep with me in her bed.
Thanks to your suggestions she falls asleep by her own, with me sitting on a chair in her room.

The thing I can't correct is her waking up two or more times during the night crying and calling me.
I talk to her during the day explaining that she is a grown up now and that if she wakes up, she can find her pillow and go to sleep again without calling me....
The other day she spend awake from 3:30 to 5:30 requesting food (she had plenty at dinner)

I don't known what to do. I'm tired, this two years lack of sleep is doing terrible things to my psychological health. The relationship with my husband is being affected too (mostly because is always me who takes care of the baby when she wakes)

Any suggestion? Do I book a psychiatrist appointment or is any hope?
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Gabriela Martinez's profile photoRebecca Trump's profile photo
5 comments
 
Yep, I've been there.

Let us know how it goes.
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About this community

Practical support for all things related to kids and sleep. Short naps, sleep regressions, bedtime battles, sleep training, etc. Also? Will be hosting free group video sleep consults. Drop in and check it out!

Amy Maffucci

Discussion  - 
 
I'm having an early wake up issue with my 14 month old daughter. Up until a couple weeks ago she was waking at 6:30. We're on the west coast and after a 2 week trip to the east coast, her entire schedule has readjusted except for wake up time. It seemed like it was moving towards 6/6:30, but for the past week we're firmly at 5:30. Nap is from 12:30-3:00 and bedtime is pretty much always 7:30. Her room is completely dark and we still have white noise in there. Any ideas what it could be?
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Rebecca Trump's profile photoAmy Maffucci's profile photo
4 comments
 
+Rebecca Trump ugh. I was worried about that. What do I do now?! Unfortunately, she won't sleep in bed with me in the morning. In the past if I just left her in her crib she would sometimes go back to sleep, but that hasn't been working. She just kinda rolls around until her babbling gets so loud that I worry she'll wake up her brother and I go get her.

When we first got back, her wake up time was adjusting back to normal west coast by like an hour every day. It got to 6/6:30 for a day or two, but then she got a cold and was waking up coughing, which I think is what restarted this early wake up.

Do I just stick with our regular schedule and hope she starts to miss that extra hour of sleep she had been getting, so she'll just magically start pushing her wake up time later?
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Hello everyone! My 7.5 month old is on a 2-3-4 hour nap-nap-bed schedule and put his myself to sleep without props (woohoo). He's asleep btwn 6:30-7pm- then is waking between 9-10pm to eat- usually a full feeding. Then the rest of the night is a crapshoot with usually 1-2 more waking a before he's up around 6:45 for the day. My question is- should he be waking 2-3 hours after bed to eat again?? Should I still be feeding him? I've tried not and he gets pissed lol. After his wakings he goes right back down after feeds. It's just so hard to tell if he's really hungry or just a habit now. Any advice? Thank you! Alexis you really helped w my daughter so I trust this site. ☺️
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Rachel Brousseau-Karrmann's profile photoRebecca Trump's profile photo
3 comments
 
I'd ride it out for the next couple days, see if a set time kicks in for that 9ish wake up. If so, then do 'wake to sleep' for 4 days and see what happens on the 5th.

And, make sure that last feeding is at least 20 min before bed to avoid reinforcing a suck/sleep association.
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Alexis Dubief
owner

Fun Stuff  - 
 
+Rebecca Trump When you go to the concert, just make sure you make sure your little dude understands that the performance he's enjoying is a faded copy of the 80's rock band glory of what once was ;)
1
Rebecca Trump's profile photo
 
:) I'll do my best to tell myself the same, since I didn't see them live in their heyday.
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Maria Shockey

Discussion  - 
 
Hi everyone!
I guess I`m joining the ranks of parents whose toddlers resist naps. My daughter is 2 years and 1 month and for the past several weeks has been skipping naps. I leave her in a crib for an hour regardless if she sleeps or not, and she just jumps, talks, plays, etc. My question is - when did you know for sure that your child was done with naps? As far as understand, 2 is a little bit on the early side, so I`m hoping that this is just a phase. Did anyone have similar experience? How did you get through nap resistance?
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Maria Shockey's profile photoRebecca Trump's profile photo
4 comments
 
No prob
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Kathleen Zdenek

Discussion  - 
 
I read often but haven't posted. Our son who just turned 1 is thankfully a pretty decent sleeper. But our daughter, now 3.5, has always been a challenge. She didn't sleep through the night until 22 months old and often only ever in 5 hour chunks from 16ish months until 22 months. We tried everything but she struggles with sleep separation anxiety. She had a good 8ish month run of putting herself to sleep and staying asleep with minor hiccups. Until 3 weeks ago. She has started refusing to even go to sleep and we're seeing behaviors that are all new. Definitely at a loss. Her bed time routine is and always has been regimented. Lights stay low building up to bed time, her lamp on her head board is red. She uses a blanket as a comfort item and she has an okay to wake clock, amongst other supports. But we're stumped and exhausted!
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Kathleen Zdenek's profile photoRebecca Trump's profile photo
5 comments
 
I'm a bit confused, perhaps because this strikes me as a very strange schedule for a preschooler. It sounds like she's getting about 12 hours of sleep at night plus a nap. Is that right? About what time does she wake up from the nap that she goes down for at 11:30 a.m.? I know you say she is tired before 6:30pm, but I wonder if some of your trouble isn't that you're actually putting her to bed too early/too close to when she wakes up from her nap. Finally, do you live in a place that practices daylight savings time? If so, how did that affect things? Did her 6 a.m. wakeup used to be 5 a.m. before you turned the clocks back?
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Hellooooo! It's been sooo long since I've been here, but I've been meaning to save some swing-baby-parent's life for a while. Ready for it?! I have a Fisher Price motor replacement (with toys, unopened and in the box) from 2013, before the new de-grade that automatically stops the motor. If anyone would like it, I will happily give it to you (for the price of shipping).
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Alexis Dubief's profile photoLaurielle Turcat's profile photo
2 comments
 
I will definitely post it on FB, good idea! I'm hardly being generous - just want to get it to someone who could use it instead of taking up space.  And we have a bet going ;) As for no more babies, we both have been in the "mostly ehhhh..." stage for the past 2 years, especially with my recent health crap, but just watch, we'll get rid of the motor, the cloth diapers, and other important baby stuff and BAM, I'll get pregnant hahaha.

It's so good to follow your book stuff, even if from afar and not nearly as often as I used to. Keep up the good work :)
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Jessica Gore

Discussion  - 
 
Multi-use truck
1
Alexis Dubief's profile photo
 
Push faster! Push faster! ;)
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Nicole S Kelly

Discussion  - 
 
Can I say how miraculous it feels to put a little baby down awake and they actually fall asleep themselves?! Our first was rocked to sleep until about 6 months but also slept in the crib from day 1. Our new little guy who just turned 3 months is so much more sensitive and needs way more soothing. Most of the time I'm nursing him to sleep, swaddled then moving to the swing with the white noise in a dark room. Sometimes he wakes up and can get himself back to sleep after crying 6 minutes, other times not. Today he had been up longer than usual due to being weirdly perky and refusing the bottle more vehemently than usual, I put him in the swing while he was tired but not super drowsy and he fell asleep on his own after 3 minutes of crying. Magic, I tell you.

He still has a criminally late bedtime (had a few 4:30am nights, 3:30am after the time change, 2:30am a few more nights and past couple nights have been 1:30am). Woof. I'm waking him up at 9-9:30am and making sure he's getting lots of bright light so hopefully it'll keep inching back.

And totally unrelated to sleep, sometimes he needs as much soothing for a bottle as he does to fall asleep. Never knew a baby who has needed bottle supplement from day 1 could continually hate the bottle with such a passion. He is one intense guy. I'm curious to see what his temperament will be as he gets older. 
5
Meghan Slocum's profile photoNicole S Kelly's profile photo
4 comments
 
+Meghan Slocum thank you Meghan! Interesting! We had a couple days where he'd just fuss a bit then take it and I thought we'd turned a corner, haha. Yesterday he basically had to be 95% asleep or he'd scream like no tomorrow. It's a bummer especially since my husband can't feed him and well, it requires so much patience to not get frustrated over a hungry baby that won't eat at 1am when you're sleep deprived yourself. Keeping me on my toes! 😆
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Jackie Gardner

Discussion  - 
 
Hi everyone,
My little guy now 19 months (time flies) is a good sleeper and I really cant complain but I have a question about going to sleep at night.

In the evenings after the routine of bath, book etc he HATES it when i leave the room calling out for me for AGES before working himself up and crying.  When Dad puts him down there is minimal fuss and tears but when its me there is always dramas.  Is this normal and what can I do to (besides sitting in the room until he is asleep) to make me putting him down easier?

He is fine for day sleeps with me crying for only 2-5 mins before settling down.  Its just the nights that he wants me there.

I'm not a fan of letting him cry for more then 15 mins at a time however if you think leaving him to cry is the best and/or the only approach I would be willing to give it a go.
Once asleep he sleeps all night without any waking thank goodness

thanks
Jackie
1
Meghan Slocum's profile photoJackie Gardner's profile photo
5 comments
 
Hi ya,
We got Dad to go in after me and that seemed to work for a few days and then it didnt work any more.  Then all of a sudden for some unknown reason he just started going to sleep!  I wish i could take some credit and say i did something but truth is he sorted it on his own.  He still cries but only for a few mins.  I think it must have been a phase.

Thanks for all the great advise. Having dad go in certainly helped for a while.

Cheers Jackie
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Erica Tunduwani

Discussion  - 
 
I have a 2 1/2 year old (3 in June) who up until now has been a dream to put to bed at night. Recently he is very reluctant to go to bed at bedtime. Wants to come out of his room, gets very upset when we stay in his room with him. Wants to go out to the living room. Is really fighting it. Last night he didn't go to sleep until 10:00. He is still putting himself to sleep but it is with a lot of back and fourth and a whole entire second bedtime routine at the end of it. Not sure where to go from here. Any advise would be helpful. 
2
Kelly Wiley's profile photoNicole S Kelly's profile photo
3 comments
 
What happens when you leave? Our guy goes through phases where he flips out over nap or bedtime (2.5 years) and it would quickly get out of control if we went back in. Today in fact he cried and wailed "Mommy go" for over 15 minutes at nap (made the mistake of saying I needed to go to get the baby when he was in super crabby stalling mood). At this age talking about expectations during the day can help too. Not to say walking away and letting them melt down is for everyone, but I know that's what we need to do or he'd have us jumping through hoops.
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