"Self Reflection"
Today was a day of self reflection for me; it is a good thing and was very much needed. Some pretty great things occured today; I was able to get my arm to a 120* angle (very painful) and I was able to actually lift a barbell above my head, even if it was only 15 lbs. Both events made me very proud of myself. On top of that I stopped by rollder derby practice and I was able to say hello to my  fellow team mates. All of these events caused my self reflection.
What I know about myself: My strong faith and belief in God is unwavering; because of Him I know that I'm never alone and will always have a guiding light. I am an amazing mother to an awesome little boy, who teaches me new lessons each day. I am confident in who I am and what I am capable of doing. I am aggressive and being that way is a good thing. I speak my mind, though I am mindful to do so tactfully. I do curse when I get angry...it is one of my faults. I will push myself harder than anyone could ever try because I want to be better than I have ever been. I don't do things half way...I am and ALL OR NOTHING kinda girl. I love those close to me fiercely and with all that I am because I know how loss feels deep into my soul. And I will laugh out loud and probably snort at things that I find hilarious when others won't.
I know I'm not everybody's cup of tea and that's ok; I don't want to be. I am a straight shot of tequila and those who can handle that, will and savor it! I will never apologize for any of the things that I am and I will continue to dig deep and carry on. I will live life to it's fullest and not merely exist. That is my self reflection and I love it.

"CAN DO SPIRIT"
I'm currently sitting in the Orthopedic Surgeons office waiting on him to give me news about my arm.
A little over a month ago I took a hit during Roller Derby practice that caused me to fall backwards and land on my left arm. I broke my left humerus bone in six places. I required surgery and ended up with a steel plate that runs almost the full length of my upper arm and 16 screws that now hold it in place. it wil forever remain there.
For the majority of my life I've always led an active life style, so breaking my arm bothered me at first; I was concerned about EVERYTHING I COULDN'T do. It started to make me angry. On top of that I'm a very independent individual; asking for help is not something that comes easy to me. All of a sudden I had family members in my home cleaning, cooking, taking care of my child and caring for me. I was and am very thankful for all they have done and did for me, yet I was/am still not used to it all.
I didn't realize how much mobility I had lost in my arm. The mere act of picking up a utensil was difficult. Putting my hair up was out of the question, as was bathing myself. THAT part really humbled me!
I knew I had to get out of my funk, so I started thinking about All the things I COULD do. A week after surgery, I went back to CrossFit, I spoke with my coaches and they modified everything for me so that I could still do the day's WOD. I have been to the box M-F of every week since. I know my limits and listen to my body.
During my initial visit to the Surgeons office, he told me it would take up to six months to get full mobilty back.
As I'm still sitting here waiting for the DR., I'm completely out of a cast and sling, I CAN bend my elbow a full 90*, I CAN lift a 3lb weight, I CAN shower once again on my own, I CAN even put my hair into a ponytail by myself and yesterday I back squated 100 lbs! That's EVERYTHING I CAN do.
Today I'm waiting for news on weight bearing!!
I WILL NOT use my arm as an excuse and it will get better!
In the words of My One...this setback has made room for an even greater comeback! ♥

"Digging Deep and Carrying On"

At the age of 18, I met the person I fell in love with and married at the age of 19. We had our growing pains in 6 years together, however we learned how to work together to find solutions that worked for us and helped us to prosper at such a young age.
At the age of 23 and 24 we welcomed our son into the world. We didn't know that the three of us would only have a short time together. In a matter of hours our world was forever altered, my son and I lost the one person we both still needed to know and learn from and love. In those first hours of loss every possible scenario played through my mind as to what I was going to do and how I was going to do it. How?
That is when I made the choice to dig deep and carry on, not just for me, but for my son. He didn't deserve to live a life full of despare or sorrow; his father would not have allowed that and I wasn't going to either.
I never once questioned God as to "WHY?", I knew in my heart that God needed him more than we did here on Earth and that I would be able to live my life to it's fullest. That my son would be and turn into a healthy and happy child.
I have made many mistakes in the 12 years since his passing, yet I have learned from each and every one of them. I have my days where things sometimes seem unbearable or I feel as if I'm broken; those feelings never last long because I'm fully aware of the fact that I have been given an oppurtunity to have and live a beautiful life.
On top of all that, God has blessed my life many times over. He has given me the Strength, Faith and Courage to face anything that is placed before me. I choose to live this life that I've been given to it's fullest and to love those who mean the most to me with all that I am and all that I have. <3
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