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Flowers,Candy,Stuffed Bear ?
Hey are there any men out there that Valentines Day has slipped your mind ?
Well don’t worry your woman isn’t mad at you for that,because you haven missed Valentines day.
Have any of the men out there seen the television commercial for The Vermont Teddy
Bear Company’s new product for Valentines day? The Big Hunk a Love Teddy Bear.
This Plus stuffed animal is 5Ft Tall, Made with the softest fur you can find on this side of Heaven . When you are working late at the office,your woman will be thinking of you as she snuggles up in bed with The Big Hunk A love Teddy bear.
Well I saw a infomercial on television about a Class Action Law Suit against The Vermont Teddy Bear Company . The cause of the law suit is, men who purchased “The Big Hunk a Love Teddy Bear”, for their woman, noticed their sexual relationship with their woman diminished,while fighting with with them increased.These men also notice every time they tried to climb in bed to go to sleep, ""The Big Hunk a Love Teddy Bear", is always sitting up ,with a mischievous grin on it’s face ,while taking up the whole side of The man’s side of the bed.When the man try to remove the bear from the bed, the woman make him go sleep on the couch.So to protect your relation ship with your woman,buy her a heart shaped box of candy.
You might get tire of her asking you " Is this candy making me fat ?"
Would you rather listen to that then have your woman beak up with you to run off with "The Big Hunk a Love Teddy Bear ? "
Written by Stephen J. Vattimo
Feb 11 2016

Pharmaceutical Society

Has anyone notice that our society relies on the pharmaceutical companies to help us over come our every day obstacles we face in our prostitute of happiness?

Well I have started to carry two pill in my wallet. So when my date with a woman is coming to a close and I ask her if she want to go back to my place and she says," No, not to night, I have a head ache !"
I tell Her," Doctor Feel Good to the rescue, Here take this Advil Migraine Head ache pill. By the time the pill gets rid of your headache, my Viagra pill will be kicking in and tonight things will be looking up for the both of us!"

Written by Stephen J. Vattimo
October 03,2015

Adolescent  Box

 I was inspired to write this short humorous story,by see so many people I come across at my work place who are so apathetic toward preforming their work accurately, and they don't take any pride in preforming   their work. 
Since most people spend more then half their life at work,how a person conducts  themselves, and preforms their work, reveal what kind of person they are,to all the people they come across.

  There is a man who goes to his local Telecommunications pay center to rent a DVR, so he could record his favorite television  show that come on when he is not at home.      After he leave the costumer service window with DVR in hand, He start inspecting his newly acquired box.    As he is inspecting the DVR , he notices  the fan vent on the bottom of the box,  has a lot of animal hair sticking out of it.
 He goes back to the pay window to exchange it for another box.
 When the man hands the DVR to the customer service person, and asks for an exchange,The Rep asks him," what's wrong with this box? "
The man replies, "This box is about 12 to 13 years old.     I would like to have a newer one please."
The costumer service person look at him cockeyed,and ask him,"How do you know how old that box is?"
The man replies," The box has hair growing out of it's fan hole."

Written by Stephen J. Vattimo July 23,2010  
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A Picnic That Ended With A Bang

Anyone hear about the natural gas explosion epidemic that has plaguing the nation this summer? President Obama put together a scientific investigative team to find what is causing these natural gas explosions. 
The White House appointed team of scientists has discovered the cause,and they have dubbed it the BBBB factor. The BBBB factor is people who served at their summer picnics the explosive combination of foods together ,Beef,Baked Beans, Broccoli salad and Beer.
The President had put a nationwide ban on the consumption of or serving of BBBB. If anyone break this law they will have their house ransacked and they will be arrested by a SWAT Team and be punishment under the charges of being a Domestic Terrorist .

Written By Stephen J. Vattimo
Aug 28, 2015

Family Genes

Any one out there get tired of corporate America (especially the fitness industry) tell us that if we only eat right and exercise we can all put on a thug and poss for the Sport illustrated Bathing suit Issue.
Well look around you and you will realize that is not the truth. last week while i was out for a 8 mile walking in a park i briefly met a woman who was running 10 miles around the park, and she had a lot of junk in her trunk. 
I,m not saying there isn’t benefit in healthy diet and exercise. I am saying that people could have weight problems that stem from their family genes. Good example would be a skinny man who can’t put on weight or large muscles because he has a metabolism that’s is always running in hyper drive.
Well this issue is what inspired me to come up with this short humorous story.

Two guy were talking about how family gene effect the human body. That not all overweight people are fat because they pig out at McDonald ever meal or the only exercise they get is lifting up and down the TV Remote Control to change the channel on the TV.
So one guy say to his friend, " I eat a health low fat diet and eat small portions, I still have high cholesterol. It’s runs in my family genes . "
" My grandfather had this problem and he die from hardening of the arteries,when my dad was 12 years old."
The friend replies, " You might be able to cut your high cholesterol levels down by stop wearing your bother’s hand me down jeans that are made out of chickens that were fried in lard ! "

Written by Stephen J. Vattimo
August 21, 2015

To Be Or Not To Be Politically Correct

Any one know the politically correct way to tell a owner of a restaurant that the restroom is out of toilet paper ? Here is my way," Sire, The throne room is out of royal stationary."

I thought this one up while I was having dinner at The Chadds Ford Tavern In Chadds Ford Pa,

Written by Stephen J. Vattimo

Why Pay $ 99 To Say Good By.

Hey , anyone see the television commercial for the carpet cleaning company that runs the $99 special. Stanley Steamer will clean two rooms for the price of $99. 
In the commercial,the the carpet cleaning man is made out to be a super hero ,by cleaning the rugs he has delivered this little boy from the villains that can cause the boy to have an Asama attack. So the commercial ends with the grateful little boy saying,“Go by Mr. Steamer.”
Well I don’t need to pay $99 to have the privilege to say, "Good by Mr.Steamer . "
I’ll just go into my bathroom and flush the toilet wave my hand,“Good by Mr. Steamer.”

Written by Stephen J.Vattimo
July 9,2015

Eviction Notice

I called up a friend of my on a Wednesday night and ask him if he wanted to come over to my house and play a game of cards and have a few beers.
My friend asks me." Isn’t Wednesday night when you go see your shrink ?"
I reply," It use to be,I’m not see a shrink anymore."
My Friend," What happen? What made you stop seeing him?"
I reply, " Told my Shrink that my problems with my 8 spit personalities ruining my life was over."
The Shrink asks," What makes you think your problem with them is solved?" 
I reply, " They refused to help pay the rent,so I evicted them !"

Written by Stephen J. Vattimo
June 2,2015
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