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Please help
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I need help my friend randomly messages me telling me we not friends we never will be am I not good enough for her. It hurts. I don't want to do all. I'm thinking is self harm

Peace out, girl scouts

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Your child may be able to join an Engage clinical research study if he or she:
• Is 7 to 17 years old
• Has been diagnosed with MDD or has been having feelings of depression

There are other eligibility criteria that your child must meet to participate in an Engage clinical research study. The study staff can discuss these criteria with you in greater detail.

For more information about the Engage clinical research studies, visit: https://www.engagemddstudies.com/?utm_source=online&utm_medium=StudyScav&utm_campaign=online&vendor=StudyScav
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My life is just a mess and I am a mess. And life doesn't seem worth it anymore most everything doesn't seem worth it. I just feel idk. Sorry I am so brief I am normally more open and uh yeah so um. Hi My name is Caitlin but plz call me Elphaba. ANd I am 15. Text me on hangouts if you would like to. Thanks .

Hey guys .... I'm just really tired rn. Not like sleepy tired... but emotionally tired ..... Idk what u all think of me?!?!...... And ig it doesn't matter ...I have depression and I'm very suicidal . I get anxiety attacks and I have anger issues. I have OCD and ADHD. I have several problems !!!!!!!!!!!!! Not all of which I even know the names of..... I have had depression for six years. I have been suicidal for four years. I am 15 years old. Ik u guys will say that I have barely lived my life. And that I have some much to look forward to in the future. And all that shit. But the cold truth is that my depression and problems keep getting worse and worse. And ik they won't get better soon. Idk How to make them better..... I do not want to seek professional help. Bc they won't be able to help me... I also refuse to take meds bc ik they won't help me ... and they will just make things worse with bad side effects.  I hate my life so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
            There is some good in my life but barely. The only reasons I am alive rn. Is bc of my boyfriend and bc I don't have a gun. I want so desperately to die. I was never meant to be alive. When my mom was trying to give birth to me . I lay in a way that made it really hard to get me out. I refused to come out of my mom. And i tried very hard to not be born. Even as a pre new born I didn't want to be alive. And fifteen years later I still don't want to be alive. I was never meant to be alive. Even my mom has started to realize that. 
               And I am dead inside ...... I am just sitting here waiting for the day that I die at last. Some look forward to getting a job, having kids, traveling the world, etc. Well i dream and look forward to the day I die. Which hopefully will be very soon. I hate ppl telling me the same crap advice I hear over and over every day. Don't tell me it will get better bc trust me it won't. It probably will only get worse. I wasn't meant to be alive and there is really no reason I should live anymore. I honestly doubt ur still reading this....... But if u r thanks .....  Um so I hope u guys uh understand.......... and um text me if u like on hangouts..... Or um idk do whatever u like........just please don't give me crap or insults or negative judgment ...........bc I won't be able to take it........ I can barely handle living as it is...... I'm breathing which is living but I'm dead inside and I'm not really living .......... I just want to die and I'm just done and I can't take this anymore.........idk what to do........ I wish i had a gun........ Um ttyl
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