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This page represents what we are capable of: We will share updates as our Underground company will grow. We look forward to inspiring others to laugh, read, inspire, never give up, and reach out to those not only in need but sharing our knowledge to help others fight depression and stay busy with positive affirmations to raise awareness that you are not alone. I have suffered from depression/Bi-polar Disorder with a Behavioral, and with in the last year was properly diagnosed because no other doctor knew nor where they aware that I suffer from (O.C.D.) which is very difficult to deal with because I am still bullied at the age of five for not having control/or simply just having this as a disorder wasn't torture enough. I was just put down and picked on through text by a male that is no longer in my life. I have had depression since I was fifteen and never sought to see a psychiatrist (Psychologist/Therapist with a P.h.D. that can prescribe mental health medications). Stand up. Stand up and keep speaking until the right person or adult gets you help. I have more serious disorders that keep me from feeling secure enough around others, this disorder started to affect my family as I became more reclusive due to social anxiety panic attacks before approaching a door to leave, while driving, or sometimes like many days a few during each day I had to work. There is no doubt that my daughters also suffer from depression as well, or at least started to really bad. All we know is that we are the way we are: sad and we didn't know how to change it. We are growing and there are many people just like us that are to scared to get help because they too think people will call them crazy. I denied that I even had a a major disorder even though some days I honestly want to not be here. I used to wake up and give up. My whole family calls me crazy and these are the people I stay away from because they hide to charge me with being Bi-polar, "messed up", "there is something wrong with her", "she must be doing drugs," and the comment that hurt the worst was being called "You are a piece of shit. All you do is sleep all day. You must be on drugs, Chandra! I want you out of my house. I take care of your kids all day while you sleep all day (14 hours at least on Prozac [not all prescriptions will work for you. It took me from 2007 until this year maybe last month to figure out which medication was causing me paranoia. If a doctor refuses to help you with any medication that brings you well-being of your mind-and sanity to get better, then be educated with all possible and most effective medications for your personal disorders that makes you-you! So, one Psychiatrist may deny what you know for a fact gets you for now through a day: Just say thank you and tell them they need to be more educated as to why many of us are not abusing our medications but simply trying to fight from killing ourselves. My everyday and moment I have no idea where I will be, do, see, accomplish, create, do, dis, who I may yell at for toughing me because I also have a new disorder from being abused for two years 2011-2013. So I hate to be touched, most people need to respect other people. When did saying, "Stand the f*** back, you are standing too close me!" Become a problem? When people stopped noticing and learning that disabilities are invisible also, like my A.D.H.D. and Haphephobia "the don't f'n touch me arouses a reaction that scares people.] Should we say sorry? The answer is no. Should I end up in a wheel chair later today, would you expect me to apologize because I need the support? I was skate boarding at a party where I got bored of singing for everyone. I sprained both my ankles and laid on the couch until they healed with crutches I could not use because I could not step with either foot. The truth is: is will never be easy, when it is I wonder why it isn't wrong, people are going to talk crap about you that you may or may not flatten out (maybe it feels good to fight back because being abused physically is nothing in comparison to many years of sexual molestation and abuse or harassment almost daily since I was five years old with a lot of chocolate, computers, books, schooling,(sadly, no family support or friends anymore) maybe three I trust-ten including family that will always stand against me because I do not know how to relate to their simple things they like, or fun event I was never invited to as usual, what-the-f-ever! People will justify reasons that honest liars see that logic isn't common when dealing with us, "Schizophrenic-Affective" Prognoses' may actually be a result of poisoning their patient? Do not always follow orders! Do your research! It will take a trial and error type or try this medication and you walk out the miracle that realizes the Psychiatrists are probably the idiots smoking weed and drinking at parties while I think I may have been the only friend in college and yoga and skinning dipping was so much cooler . Weird. I am so awesome that I am still learning. lol. I was the ass** that grows up to be the rally football and baseball nerd keeping score worse than the umpire, technical geek, smoking weed, running away from home, digging through many books because even at 15, I wanted nothing from people and no one around (while looking across the Downey Park my friend Jennifer had sex in stall like three years before that "memory", all alone on my 15th Birthday crying that Dr. Stanton had sexually molested me in the grey building across Coffee Avenue in Modesto, CA 95204. I remember the grass semi-dry, semi-green, shortly after some kid named Brandon was the only one that day to wish me happy birthday. For me, this was crazy. I remember thinking, "If this is all that I have to look forward to everyday, abuse, yelling in home, never allowed to leave way more responsible then those in Modesto, CA, I knew back then. Please post as we all have something that needs to heard, it needs to be read, I know it isn't easy, I can assure you, we are underestimated! We also the genius' that build with Lego's for entertaining ourselves because our kids are boring sometimes, big deal. I want to stand in Mathematics, Puzzles, Comics, Dr. Seuss books, Poetry, and Science Sections instead I piss them off with signs from angels or God that I hear by leaving in a certain order the books the angels or God will have me arrange in the children's sections before leaving "Barnes & Nobles". Abuse still happens as you are reading this. Most of you do not know that when driven and still determined to make a difference doesn't mean I will say anything and most people may not speak ever again because for us that are well-mannered (unless you ask mom or a dad) are never silent in repeating abusive thoughts we were once or more told and now believe. "I am a loser." Uh, sure. I think my brother Ron E. Lockwood, III and I are the smartest ones to beat you at retirement before thirty. God is interesting but no where near as fun as my brother Ronny. He is the smartest dude I know. He also is celibate and most that he speaks I have to "GOOGLE" to make sense of a carborators, lol, that can be built in cars however I imagine the world would die from pneumonia by the time our water resources would definitely end up crystalizing with salt which would lead to an epidemic of high people with super high cholesterol, assholes with too much hypertension, but what the fuck do I know? What may matter, is that we have real solutions. It was amazingly wonderful to explore the quotes I could not attain to date. Sometimes it takes just one of us to write all of these things down in her memory that the first five words or your mouth won't hear because your mouth is different than your ear, smiles. I hope to see more people rise up with me to bring our communities together to celebrate, YOU! Our team so far is my brother Ron, Danny, Nydeis, Aeryus, and myself; Chandra. I came to blog our beginning of becoming a Foundation or LLC. Inc. Organization hopefully inspiring people to notice that the people you are calling crazy have your asses out numbered. lol My main goal is to Stand up! Word Up! If you would like to donate to our soon I.C.A.N.T Blogg #1 is why we created Our C.A.N. in our anime characters not in a film yet, book of quotes illustrated by Nydeis and Aeryus eitn My Wisdom and God's Word first project, soon character shirt shimis of women and men characters that stay chibi, chibi's because the one's we influence I am highly allergic too. lol. Off to creating Our website I go. We have dealt with addictions in and out of our lives. We are here to help, as donations are growing to accrue a large home for women and a large home for men to live in for free for a couple of years. We will have qualified interns and council persons trained as humble servants that have been called to do the will of God and if so I.C.A.N.T. is a pre-concept of poster ideas in the future to remind us why C.A.N. is honored to buy a house to help our people out of tents and frozen isn't funny below 0 degrees let alone anything close to that. #you make the difference. Soon to be added to Our Twitter account and is Our goal to help us pay it forward like a child shall, pure of heart not bionic unfortunately, yet. lol.
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