I am bisexual and poly. I grew up poly. I identified as poly when I was celibate and consider my relationships poly even when they are non-sexual. I've never read a book on it because I decided I didn't want someone else telling me I was doing it wrong. It's also why I've never listened to Minx's podcast.
I was a member of the poly community in Portland for 4 years but you won't find a single person there who could claim to have been my lover. My poly relationships there were intimate and fulfilling but not sexual. I still consider many there part of my "poly pod" (Brian and his wife being two of them). For me, its about maintaining multiple, intimate, loving relationships--not sex. Some would tell me I am doing it wrong, I am sure, which is very sad.
All that said, I think there are two cases in which a community has the responsibility to tell someone that they are "doing it wrong": 1) when that someone is presenting him/herself as an emissary of the community to newbies, the media, etc and that community believes s/he is misrepresenting the core values and behaviors of that community, and, 2) when that person is using his/her being a member of the community as an excuse to behave badly or harm others. That's it.
Wishing you love, happiness, and peace.
I am an adventurous autodidact. I'll try anything twice if I think I'll learn something from it. Now I'm trying motherhood. Once.
- Smith CollegeBiology/Biochemistry, 1992 - 96
- Santa Maria High School1986
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