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A Brief History of the Universe

Quantum fluctuation. Inflation. Expansion. Electroweak symmetry breaking. QCD phase transition. Particle-antiparticle annihilation. Deuterium and helium production. Growth of density perturbations. Recombination. Blackbody radiation. Local contraction. Cluster formation. Reionization. Virialization. Galaxy formation. Turbulent fragmentation. Contraction. Compression. Massive star formation. Deuterium ignition. Hydrogen fusion.  Hydrogen depletion. Core contraction. Envelope expansion. Helium fusion. Carbon, oxygen, and silicon fusion. Iron production. Implosion. Supernova explosion. Metal ejection. New star formation. Condensation. Planetesimal accretion. Planetary differentiation. Crust solidification. Volatile gas expulsion. Water condensation. Water dissociation. Ozone production. Ultraviolet absorption. Hypercycle formation. Mutation. Natural selection. Evolution. Symbiosis. Photosynthesis. Respiration. Cell differentiation. Sexual reproduction. Fossilization. Land exploration. Dinosaur extinction. Mammal expansion. Homo sapiens manifestation. Symbolic perception. Tool production. Language. Cultural evolution. Migration. Art. Religion. Animal domestication. Surplus production. Civilization. Taxation. Nation-building. War. Exploration. Writing. Empire creation and destruction. Colonization. Science. Revolution. Industrialization. Mass production. Urbanization. Mass communication. World war. Depression. Genocide. Fission. Fusion. Space exploration. Mass extinction. Computerization. Globalization. Global warming. Internet formation. World-Wide Web creation. Genome mapping. Extrapolation?

This is my modified version of The History of the Universe in 200 Words or Less, which has been translated into many languages - see below.
The Annals of Improbable Research. AIR Logo. Universal History Translation Project. The History of the Universe in 200 Words or Less appeared in the January/February 1997 issue of the Annals of Improb...
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15 comments
 
Thanks - I'll fix that, to make it sound less silly.  "Reionization" refers to how all hydrogen was ionized in the Big Bang - a bunch of protons and electrons zipping around - then it cooled down and formed atoms - and then the birth of stars heated up the interstellar hydrogen and reionized it.  "Ionization" refers to the ionization of gas during the formation of our particular Sun, which came later.   

So, it's a problem of switching from universal history to our parochial history without warning.  The original version, by the way, had way too much detail near the present - or in other words, not enough earlier.

The term "recombination" is standard in astrophysics but even more silly!  It refers to how the protons and electrons combined to form hydrogen when the temperature dropped enough, 380 thousand years after the Big Bang.  It wasn't really _re_combination since they'd never been combined before!
 
Reminds me of that old INXS song Mediate [1]. By the way, any idea if we can embed the youtube video in a comment ? Thanks Dr. Baez for the poetry !

[1] - INXS - Mediate
Ed S
 
Funny how it's zoomed right in at the beginning, zooms out and back in again at the end. Billions of years where nothing much happened.
 
+Ed S - I've often thought about that.  People who think intelligence is approaching a kind of 'singularity' would say that's the explanation.  The Big Bang was a singularity, and the right way to understand time near the Big Bang is logarithmically: the first second, the first millisecond, the first microsecond and so on are all quite different worlds.  Are we approaching a singularity of a different sort now? 

Another theory is that we just care more about what's going on recently.  My summary does not include the first use of bones, or blood - but those are probably more important than the Great Depression.  I tried to 'level it out' compared to the version I based it on, but probably didn't do a good enough job.
 
Another explanation is that we have varying levels of good theorization and/or observation for events at the very beginning and most recently, and very sketchy understandings of the details (but not, perhaps, the overarching processes) in the middle.  Speaking as an evolutionary biologist/archaeologist, that certainly is the case in the middle when we deal with the evolution of complex animals through about the evolution of complex human societies.  We have plenty of themes and processes, but not a lot of detail.  But that's a fossil record for you.  The early history of the universe is different, because none of us are actually seeking a detailed spatiotemporal narrative, so much as we expect to nail down the detailed general process and its ramifications.  So it's slightly misleading in a sense to think  of it as detailed-coarse-detailed.  John's narrative is probably more "detailed theory" then "coarse theory" then "detailed history"
Ed S
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The history of life does seem to have accelerated: innovations such as multicellularity and nervous systems were a long time coming, but allow for an increased rate of development. Language is perhaps next on the list, at which point history becomes possible. Machines that process information was perhaps the next big milestone (although you need first civilisation and then science to reach that point)
 
Given that the name was "A Brief History of the Universe" it seems very human-centric!
 
Sorry: I'm human.  It's like how American TV news focuses on the US.  But my version is actually less human-centric and now-centric than the original.
 
Brief and concise history of living world or more accurately why things like this our universe happened at first place . And if there really exists a creator then why he created his creation , why he needs all these things , when he is almighty. .
 
No, I hadn't seen that.  Thanks!
 
Is there life beyond our planet . If yes then how advanced this civilization is with respect to earthly civilizations. Can they travel through warmholes to make FIRST CONTACT a reality. If first contact becomes a reality then on what account it will be a dawn of a new age for earthly civilizations or beginning of a dawnless night .
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