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Aaron Eichhorst
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Aaron Eichhorst

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June 5th, 2015
Doom never dies, it only becomes more brutal.
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Aaron Eichhorst

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Did anyone else notice this in today's episode?
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So the upcoming 802.11ad wifi spec uses a 60 GHz signal (millimeter wavelength size.) Apparently the current upcoming radios for it require a fairly direct line of sight. Hold a paperback book between the sender and receiver and watch the connection magically disappear!
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Have him in circles
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Aaron Eichhorst

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How to reduce airline financial troubles.
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You don't just randomly drink a can of Spike!
That's like going into the first level of DOOM on easy mode armed with only the BFG.
Overkill, man, overkill!
(Luckily I bought 2)
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Aaron Eichhorst

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The following is a fictional story that has not happened. (yet)
Please pray to whoever/whatever you have faith in that it never happens.

GM: After that quest you've earned a decent amount of XP. Level up!

Player: NO!

GM: Wait...What? Why not?

Player: Because we're not done defiling the corpses of the unrepentant, savage goblin horde that massacred the town!

GM: The only thing they massacred was the kitchen at the tavern. And quite poorly at that given that the chef was able to NOT DIE or even get hurt whatsoever. They only managed to tarnish his stock of meat supplies.

Player: EXACTLY! Now we can't have delicious BBQ bacon burgers before our quests because they ransacked all of his supplies! It'll be like 3 days of banging cheap wenches at the brothel until he gets restocked!

GM: Those burgers aren't real. This is a game played out in your head. You have a REAL burger sitting next to your dice on the table.

Player: You don't get it. BBQ Bill's is the BEST burger joint/tavern my fictional character will EVER get to have until our wizard reaches level 17 and obtains the riches needed to get the materials for his Wish spell! And that's if he LIVES through the next 8 books of this campaign!

GM: It's just a burger...

Player: NO! It's HIS burger! He paid HIS OWN MONEY for it (3 measly copper, in this imaginary world, but still.) He was DENIED a chance to savor his potentially last meal from his favorite burger-cooking tavern! Those goblins DESERVE a far worse punishment than what I'm giving them!

GM: You're just mad because their scout mistook you for an elven whore in drag, aren't you?

Player: ........maybe. eyes shift side to side

GM: sigh Defile them if you must.

Player: Glad you see it my way. grin

-LATER-

GM: Are you enjoying your burger, whatever your new title was?

Player: It's Sir Loine, Defender of the Holy Burgers of Savory Justice. And yes, I am enjoying it.

GM: Roll a Fortitude save.

Player: quizzical look Ok, I guess..... rolls d20 My total save is a 24! Did I make it? And may I ask for what?

GM: Burger Bill himself heard about your savage deeds upon the goblin "horde" you claim to have vanquished. Unfortunately, you brutally murdered and defiled a harmless goblin village while hunting down the 3 "scouts" which, as it turns out, were just 3 young goblin idiots pulling pranks and acting tough, albeit poorly. Your burger was poisoned with one of the deadliest toxins known in the region, and you just FAILED to make the DC 50 save required to survive it.

Player: stunned glare

GM: Yeah. You're dead. Next time, when even the barbarian is telling you to sit down and chill, you might want to re-think your actions.

Player: Damn. Ok then. My new character will be Milk Sheikh, defender of smooth, delicious dairy drinks! He hails from the desert lands of Cowlandistan!

GM: Oh for the love of...
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#SuperVillainProblems  
Naming your minions is not always ideal.
Overlord McDoom: "Which minion has the fire powers?"
Lieutenant Skullmask: "Reginaldoneyvashovic something-something-something-Fernandezinodadsapetalan, Jr."
Overlord McDoom: "Let me see the list. It's alphabetical, right? How the F@!# do you spell that?!"
Lieutenant Skullmask: "Um, I'm not exactly sure. I always get it mixed up with the other guy that has a similar name but with accent marks every 3 letters, from 5 different languages."
Overlord McDoom: "Next time I rise to power I'll name them numerically! Minion #1 will be the fire guy, Minion #2 will be the ice guy, Minion #3 will be the cyborg soldier guy..."

The moral of the story? Even super villainy can benefit from the KISS principle- Keep It Simple, Stupid!
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Aaron Eichhorst

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Media Story 1: "Children are getting too fat and need more exercise. They should go outside and play to burn off excess calories, experts say."

Media Story 2: "If you're children go outside they will be abducted, molested 
and KILLED!!! Only a heartless monster would allow children outside at all! Our experts agree."

Media Story 3: "Why are parents afraid to let their kids go outside to play and exercise? Our experts are unable to pinpoint the cause of parental reluctance."

Media Story 4: "Local parents arrested for allowing their children to play in their own backyard while supervised. Authorities claim a suspicious looking man was located 34 miles away that COULD have potentially abducted them! Join us in publicly shaming these heartless parents! Our experts agree this is a fitting punishment."



In the words of Marilyn Manson:
Violence for the people
They always eat the hand that bleeds
Violence for the people
Give the kids what they need
Kill your god, Kill your god
Kill your TV
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Aaron Eichhorst

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