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Jenn Carson
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I've been (ironically enough) reading two books on this very subject this week (Rest by Alex Soojung-Kim Pang and What Falls from the Sky by Esther Emery).

Time to put the books down and stare into the void?

https://hbr.org/2017/03/the-busier-you-are-the-more-you-need-quiet-time?utm_campaign=hbr&utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social
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http://digg.com/video/polyglots-conversation

So many languages! I have a hard enough time switching between English and French!
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Mark Manson makes the (obvious) point that the majority of sociopaths and perpetrators of violence are men, with lots of statistics to back it up. He then suggests, "Masculinity has historically been all about the three P’s: protector, provider, procreation. The more you protect, the more you provide, the more you fuck, the more of a man you are...The costs of traditional masculinity, both on men and on society itself, are likely not worth the benefits anymore."

Our society has evolved (even if our limbic brain hasn't) and we don't need men to be hunting and killing machines anymore. But the old roles persist, and the consequences of such emotional deprivation hurt both men and women. Men are much more likely to have drug addictions, be homeless, and commit suicide. Women are likely to suffer at the hands of men, from their literal fists, their sexual violence, or their emotional neglect.

Manson then makes the point, "Men are so emotionally incompetent without women, getting married is literally the healthiest thing a man can do in his life...For all of our strength and power, we sure do die quickly and often. For all of our cunning ambition, we regularly end up miserable, violent, and even suicidal. And for all of our self-sufficiency, we rely on women for our emotional and physical well-being to a startling degree."

That may all be true for a (hetero) man, but what responsibility does that put on us (hetero) women, to be the curators, educators, and emotional gatekeepers of men? Is marriage what's best for women? Couldn't we, as a society, encourage men to take responsibility their own emotional baggage, like women have to? Can we give them the tools? Sure, their partners/wives will be there to help, as they help us in return, but putting the pressure on women to be the saviors of men is something our society does not need.

I'm not sure if running off and getting hitched is the only or best solution to millennia of social conditioning. I fear men may actually have to do some real work here, shed some real tears, turn inward and reach out at the same time.

I'm all for men healing. Men have hurt me, I don't want them to hurt anyone else. I have two young boys. I love a man. I have a father and grandfathers and uncles and cousins. And many male friends and colleagues. I don't doubt they suffer by our cultural legacy. In fact, I know they do.

Healing is a collaborate process. Between people. Of all genders, in many ways, not just in a hetero-normative sexual relationship that has been culturally sanctioned by state and church.


https://markmanson.net/whats-the-problem-with-men?utm_campaign=mmnet-newsletter-2017-06-02-a&utm_medium=email&utm_source=mmnet-newsletter&utm_content=whats-the-problem-with-men
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https://onbeing.org/blog/cheryl-strayed-the-power-of-me-too/

"Literature, unlike elections, is a long game. Nobody wins or loses in a day....

We make it by shining upon the world the way the sun does: relentlessly. By illuminating our darkest corners with language and story. By writing sentence after sentence that seem impossible to write."
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