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Good rant. Buy a gaming pc. You will find fps games like Red Orchestra, and sims like Rise of Flight, which are much more in-depth, challenging, and historically accurate than anything you would ever find on consoles. Best of all, these kinds of games tend to attract a more mature crowd of players. Most of the knuckle draggers you have listed don't have the patience for them. You will therefore find a much more relaxing, rewarding, and fun experience when you game online.
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