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Misadventures in Motherhood
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A laugh-out-loud look at the joys, trials, and tribulations of motherhood!
A laugh-out-loud look at the joys, trials, and tribulations of motherhood!

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Misadventures in Motherhood's posts

As I was commenting on a friend's post earlier this evening, I suddenly became aware of my blatant abuse of the term "LOL". I believe there's a cosmic limit on the number of times one can use that expression, and I think I've exceeded it. Next time, I'm expecting my phone to auto-correct it to "ORP" : "Obnoxiously Repetitive Person."

This evening my daughter found a half-used roll of wrapping paper in the closet. She held it aloft, shouted, "Look! A present!" and then proceeded to take the wrapping off the roll with excitement. When it was all unrolled she held up the empty tube and shouted, "Ta-DA!!! It's one of THESE!" She was thrilled. Someone remind me why I need to bother actually buying real presents....

My son took a book out of the library called "Duck on a Bike." For those of us who read a lot of Seuss, this is a particularly cruel title. Try saying it fast without using a homosexual slur. Even if you don't say the word out loud, it pops into your head anyway! Why couldn't it have been "Frog on a log" or "Toad on a Road," or "Bug on a Rug?" At least those actually RHYME and don't trick your brain into TRYING to rhyme the titles! Stupid, stupid book name!!

So for any of you who are disappointed that Romney lost yesterday, you can be consoled by the fact that he won the mock election at my daughter's preschool. When I went to pick her up, I saw "Obama: 2, Romney: 4" written on the chalkboard. I can only assume this was the electoral college vote count...otherwise it's just about the shittiest voter turnout ever.

I'm really going to miss my toddler's speech impediment once she grows up. Her rendition of "Itchy Bitchy Spider" is hilarious.

I just got back from buying my son a new winter coat, and because my daughter was so good in the store, she got some gum. I told her she could have ONE piece. I turned around two minutes later to discover she had eaten half the pack. There was a collection of discarded blobs of chewed up gum on the carpet at her feet (at least she knows not to swallow). I was horrified. "I told you only ONE!" I shouted. She innocently looked at me and mumbled through her current piece of Trident, "I only ate one AT A TIME, Mommy!" Perhaps I should have been more specific.

WOW! I just got a PERSONAL call from former president Bill Clinton thanking me in advance for doing my duty as an American and voting tomorrow! I feel so special! We talked for a good 3 minutes! But, strangely, he did all the talking.... and he's supposed to have such good manners! Well, he's not getting a Lewinsky from ME without at least listening to me tell him about my day. Pbbbbtttttt!

So I'm halfway through the third "Fifty Shades of Grey" book, and I'm still waiting for the scene where Christian farts in bed and then holds Ana's head under the blanket. Hey, it ain't all hearts and flowers, baby. Laters.

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