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Steve Burgess
Works at Life/Comedy
Attended Michigan
Lives in Virginia Beach, VA
174 followers|34,706 views
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Steve Burgess

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2016 GOP candidate George Pataki told NBC News that Rand Paul made a mistake fighting provisions of the Patriot Act.    After some back and forth trying to clarify the situation it was determined that Pataki used to be a Governor or something.
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Steve Burgess

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Today, Secretary of State John Kerry, when asked about the 'State of ISIS,' said that the terrorist organization is "no more a state than I am a helicopter."  Doctors were immediately summoned to treat Kerry since he obviously stuck his head during the bike fall and now believes he is Joe Biden.
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Steve Burgess

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Microsoft announced that they are almost ready to release Windows 10.   If you're wondering where you can get your copy, just go get one at the store.  There are plenty available and no one will be in front of you in line.  They are obviously regretting going with 'Windows 10' instead of 'iWindows.'
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Omaha, Nebraska doctors reported that they treated an area woman after being licked in the eye by her pet. The cause of her ailment was only discovered after a nurse discovered a brown spec in her eye and a half empty jar of peanut butter in the knitting bag she brought with her.
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Three New York principals dispute U.S. News & World Report high school rankings because they believe the magazine miscalculated the methods New York high school use to determine proficiency in math.  U.S. News & World Report countered by disputing that the three know any math.
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Over the past several hours, Apple's iCloud has been slowed, impacting critical account access.  But, Apple officials indicate that there is no reason to panic...eight year old Chinese boys are still feverishly assembling Apple Watches for nine cents an hour. 
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Now you make me feel bad for buying an Apple Watch. 
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Steve Burgess

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China just passed a law outlawing smoking in offices and malls.  Sweat shops aren't considered offices, so the eight year old boys making running shows and iPhones can legally smoke during their breaks...if they were allowed to take breaks.
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Charity officials are off the hook despite Lil Wayne's arrest this weekend for brawling with referees during a 'Stop the Violence' charity basketball game.   It is Lil Wayne's appearance at next weekend's Operation Smile event that is being questioned.   
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Due to ties to the recent FIFA corruption scandal, European press outlets are reporting that talks are underway to remove Qatar as the site for the 2018 World Cup. Qatari officials say that they aren't insensitive to the scandal, but, "does the world really want to see all of these migrant construction workers building the venues die for nothing?"
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A suspect has been arrested in a D.C. home invasion murder.  Detectives indentified him from a Dominoes pizza crust he left uneaten in the box.   Pizza Hut is scoring this as a victory for their stuff crust pizza.
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In an attempt to modernize their sport, the NFL owners voted yesterday to move back extra points tries to the 15 yard line.  Major League Baseball owners countered by approving a league-wide flip phone giveaway night at every home game each Tuesday this September. 
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A top U.S. Military official said that photos of a North Korean missile launch were 'manipulated' by state propagandists.    They might have gotten away with the rouse if they hadn't gotten cocky and given all the North Korean soldiers pictured Robert Pattinson's  cheekbones and Tyler Lautner's chin.
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hey, did you see my podcast? it's just topical jokes

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-jokes-for-today/id946648059
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Have him in circles
174 people
Alex Stephenson's profile photo
Aimee Peters's profile photo
Kay Marvin's profile photo
Killa Kali's profile photo
Naima Hazelton's profile photo
Huddah Monroe's profile photo
Jens Sternekiker's profile photo
sweetube braodcasting's profile photo
Fragrant Liar's profile photo
Work
Occupation
Zumba instructor and amateur Jello Juggler
Employment
  • Life/Comedy
    Pretty Busy, 1971 - present
    http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6464538/
Places
Map of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has lived
Currently
Virginia Beach, VA
Previously
Monroe, Michigan - Goslar, Germany - Berlin Germany
Story
Tagline
Not allowed to eat tomatoes if more that 30 minutes away from the house.
Introduction
Construction and comedy do not mix, but I do what I can.  

As a fan of all things funny, Modern Family, It's Always Sunny and Community and are my current favorites, but I am a sucker for The Dick Van Dyke show.  

There are multiple comedy projects that I am working on...and they keep me sane.  

I have been on a stand-up comedy stage a few times, but do most of my writing for others. My favorite hobby is fine tuning the sets of other comedians...helping with material and focusing on what each comedian can an can't do.  

"Know your strengths and improve your weaknesses...or find a way to accept them." -Me

Originally from Michigan, Detroit Sports are where my alliances fall...a life-long Detroit Tigers, Lions and Red Wings fan.  
Bragging rights
Never arrested, survived music in the 80s and has never seen True Blood
Education
  • Michigan
    Pain, 1971 - 1989
  • Germany
    Germans, 1989 - 1994
  • Virginia Zumba Institute
    Pole Dancing, 2009 - 2010
  • One Night in Lumberton
    No comment, 2010 - 2010
Basic Information
Gender
Male
Birthday
January 7
Steve Burgess's +1's are the things they like, agree with, or want to recommend.
SiriusXM Satellite Radio
www.siriusxm.com

SiriusXM: music of all kinds without commercials, the widest range of sports talk and games, news from top sources, exclusive talk, entertai

S1 : E1 Part 1
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NFL Fans Looking Forward To Season Of Touchbacks | The Onion Sports Network
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Cloud is a corporate strategy, not a tactical solution
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Many of us are looking at the adoption of cloud as just another technology, and are leaving decisions on how to adopt, own, and manage the

Off My Medication 12-28-12
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About Us. TV Writer Chat is a spin off from Script Chat on Twitter. We are a weekly chat for TV writers to learn and share. Our co-founders

TV Writer Chat: Chat Topics & Guests
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Please sign up for our newsletter, on our home page, for updates. The shedule below is subject to change to accomodate chat guests. We will

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Bios for our Incredible Sunday Chat Guests Justin Halpern and Patrick Schumacker. Justin and Patrick have known each other since 2001, when

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www.theonion.com

video; on tv; sports; politics; news beat. AV Club; Store; Dating; Contests. In The News. Thomas E. Dewey High School Sources: 17-Year-Old J

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The singer made good on his promise to be combat instructor Kelsey De Santis's date

Horrible Bosses Star Charlie Day, Wife Expecting a Baby
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The comedian and Always Sunny costar Mary Elizabeth Ellis will welcome their first child this December

Beachbody LIVE!
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This guy hand-forged his own wedding ring. OUT OF A METEORITE.
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That's it. Game over. You will never have a wedding ring cooler than that of redditor laporkenstein. Not only did he fashion the band himsel

California school district sued over abstinence-only sex ed
usnews.nbcnews.com

Two California moms are suing a Central Valley school district over its abstinence-only sex education, saying the policy puts students' heal

SiriusXM Adds Nick & Artie Show to Sports Talk Lineup - The Sacramen...
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/PRNewswire/ -- Sirius XM Radio (NASDAQ: SIRI) today announced that it has added The Nick & Artie Show, hosted by comedians Artie Lange and

Michigan basketball team focusing on Penn State, not Spartans vs. Buckeyes
www.annarbor.com

Michigan's Zack Novak, left and Evan Smotrycz battle Penn State guard Trey Lewis for the ball during the Wolverines 71-53 win at the Crisler

Grandfather Bloodied, Cuffed, Charged in Black Friday Confusion
abcnews.go.com

A video posted online today shows a bloodied and unconscious grandfather shortly after bystanders said police threw him to the ground inside