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Benoît Raphaël
5,879 followers -
Stratégiste média et digital. Co-fondateur de Trendsboard, créateur de LePost.fr, le Plus du nouvel Observateur, le Lab d'Europe 1
Stratégiste média et digital. Co-fondateur de Trendsboard, créateur de LePost.fr, le Plus du nouvel Observateur, le Lab d'Europe 1

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CNN to be renamed Missing News Network

ATLANTA -- CNN Worldwide President Jeff Zucker today announced that the network would be rebranded and relaunched next week as the Missing News Network. 

Given the ratings success of the network's nonstop coverage of the missing Malaysian Airlines flight 370, Zucker said, the network now plans to cover nothing but missing flights, missing children, poop ships missing from ports, missing fugitives, missing juries, missing lottery winners, and, whenever possible, missing blonde American women.

"Facts are a commodity," Zucker said. "We have come to realize that other networks and the internet and even Twitter will all have the news. There's nothing new in that. So here at MNN, we will concentrate on what they don't have: unanswered questions and boundless speculation."

Media analysts pointed out that it is difficult to fill 24 hours of programming with a few known facts that do no change for days or even weeks, but CNN has shown that it is easy to fill that time with nothing. 

Rumors are circulating in media circles that Zucker hopes to replace Piers Morgan, whose show ended last night, with his network's answer to Jon Stewart's Daily Show. He is reported to be negotiating with Jerry Seinfeld to host a new Show About Nothing.

Other programming in the works reportedly includes The Milk Carton Show, Don Lemon's Black Hole Hour, Richard Quest Shouts About Nothing, and Wolf Blitzer Kills Time.

The network's new slogan: "We don't know, so you don't know." 

"If it's missing news," Zucker said, "we're there."
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