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Alex Fick
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OPINION: So, you're dating somebody with a mild to serious addiction to ingress.

Don't worry, all is not yet lost. I've written up a helpful guide to ease you into the life that awaits you and to help you traverse the minefield that is a relationship with an ingress agent.

1. You have sent them out to run an errand and haven't seen them in a couple of hours, don't worry they haven't got lost, they are just taking the long way round.

2. The first thing they're going to want to do when they get home is sit down and check the intel map. Be prepared for this every time.

3. If you want some cuddles, you have to accept that they will still have their phone in their hand checking comms.

4. When you ask them what's on their mind, don't expect "You" to be the reply. Usually it will be ingress and their next move.

5. On the topic of conversation, be aware that most of what they'll tell you will be about a play they made in ingress. You'll need to master the art of sounding interested and engaged, while not really understanding or being able to picture what they're talking about.

6. You'll get used to living with the noise. What noise, you ask? The noise of an alert tone you have not heard before coming from their mobile; don't worry, its not their secret admirer, its just their portals under attack.

7. When they get together with other agents and take you along, there will be an explosion of nerdery. Good luck getting them to talk about anything other than ingress. If this gathering of agents occurs in winter, prepare for freezing cold temperatures and endless laps around farming areas. You may find yourself joining in because you have nothing better to do. After some time you will start to assimilate into their group.

8. You'll start to pick up slang and catch phrases. Before long you'll be booming "Lets clean all this snot" while attacking virtual portals, and then you'll bury your face in your hands and cry as you realise that you're playing ingress.

9. You'll start getting higher in levels - more powerful than other people at least. You'll never have more AP than them though. Soon you'll be playing these games in your own time. This is a hard truth. Don't fight it. Resistance is futile.

10. Seek revenge on them for the monster they have made you into.

Adapted from a list created on stuff.co.nz about dating a gamer. http://tinyurl.com/gtgowag

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