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THERE was widespread fear and terror this morning after a 34-year-old father was forced to spend the bank holiday day having a picnic with his wife and kids, it has been reported.
Witnesses say the man was visibly shaken and had to be comforted by passers-by.

One passer-by, who wished not to be named for fear of a backlash from the man's wife, told our reporters: "It was terrible.

#anti-terror #bank holiday #picnic #weather

http://www.daftynews.com/bank-holiday-terror-father-forced-picnic-wife-kids/
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A 40-YEAR-OLD geek from London has stunned his family and close friends by changing over from Apple to an Android phone, shocking the tech world, it has emerged.
The move, thought to be one of the most controversial in British technology history, saw the family man take the plunge and go for a Samsung Galaxy J5.

#Android #apple #phone #samsung #Samsung Galaxy J5

http://www.daftynews.com/man-stuns-tech-world-changing-apple-phone-android/
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SOCIAL MEDIA giants Facebook is to launch its brand new feature next month that will encourage users to link up with other users, also known as 'other arseholes', it has emerged.
The new feature, 'Other Arseholes You May Know', will see more accounts having their friends list increased by being encouraged to add new friends.

Facebook told Dafty News this morning: "Amazon has a feature titled, 'Buyers Who Bought This Also Bought...

#contacts #facebook #feature #Friends #list

http://www.daftynews.com/facebook-introduce-arseholes-may-know-feature/
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FEARS sparked in a housing estate in England after reports of a man in his mid-50s was seen using the latest fidget spinner craze, it has emerged.
Locals say the man was acting suspiciously after fidgeting with the spinner toy in his garden, minding his own business.

#craze #fidget spinner #Toy

http://www.daftynews.com/armed-cops-rush-housing-estate-man-50s-found-using-fidget-spinner/
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A TEAM of forensics has discovered one of their best finds ever after it emerged they came across a 38-year-old woman living inside her overdraft.
One of the team told our reporters this morning: "We can confirm a 38-year-old mother-of-four was found to be living and getting by inside her £500 overdraft."

The woman has stunned financial experts after it emerged she has been living off her overdraft for almost 12 years.

#bank #financial #Money #overdraft

http://www.daftynews.com/incredible-discovery-woman-found-living-inside-overdraft-12-years/
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SCOTS woke this morning to a staggering 23C temperature with lots of sunshine, leaving the population totally stunned and very confused, it has emerged.

A weather spokesperson told our reporters: "It's very unusual and it came completely unexpected. Let's just say the 5 million-plus population of the country will need time to recover from the shock and rise in temperature.

#scotland #scottish people #Scottish weather

http://www.daftynews.com/scottish-people-dazed-confused-temperatures-hit-23c/
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A Whitechapel council worker who suffers from severe constipation is claiming that he was unfairly dismissed by his employers after he was sacked in January this year for misconduct, having spent 327 days in the toilet during last year.

Toby Dell, 47, a gardener, told Dafty News that he felt the council had treated him unfairly and had deliberately targeted him due to his condition.

#dafty news #Shoreditch #soz satire #unfair dismissal #Whitechapel

http://www.daftynews.com/constipated-whitechapel-man-fights-unfair-dismissal-spending-327-working-days-toilet/
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A 34-YEAR-OLD office depot worker was declared a 'complete and utter twat' after he was caught referring to his close relationship with his best mate as a 'bromance', it has emerged.
The noun is a familiar combination of two words 'brother' and romance' and often linked to two males who have a healthy relationship but non-sexual.

#best mate #bromance #Friends #Men #relationship

http://www.daftynews.com/twat-still-using-word-bromance-referring-best-mate/
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The Chairwoman of the Whitechapel branch of The Women’s Institute has made the shock claim, that, pop icon, Olly Murs, offered her five pounds in cash if she would arrange for the entire 200 strong branch to sit on his huge face simultaneously at his luxury flat in nearby Wapping.

#danny soz #olly murs #simon cowell #soz satire #The Whitechapel Whelk #The Whitechapel Women’s Institute

http://www.daftynews.com/olly-murs-offered-entire-branch-whitechapel-womens-institute-5-sit-big-face-claims-chairwoman/
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A STAG PARTY of twenty-four men heading to the Costas were thrown off the flight after it emerged none of the lads were consuming enough alcohol.

Passengers witnessed cabin crew trying to persuade the males, all aged between 19-28, to drink bottles of beers and wash them down with shorts, but the lads were having none of it.

#alcohol #flight #ryanair #stag party

http://www.daftynews.com/stag-party-kicked-off-ryanair-flight-not-drinking-enough-alcohol/
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