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Brian Baresch
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73 followers
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Welp, looks like they broke Google+.

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I used to work there. Sad if true.

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Attn: +Kathryn Huxtable (keep scrolling)

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heh heh heh
A FEW EGG-HEAD JOKES

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream." The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"  (((One of the big themes in Sartre's philosophy is the idea of genuine choice versus just the appearance of having a choice. So he can't meaningfully choose to have his coffee with no cream, because he could never have had it with cream to begin with, but he can meaningfully choose to have it with no milk.))))

Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says, "Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it's funny or not?" Gödel replies, "We can't know that because we're inside the joke." Chomsky says, "Of course it's funny. You're just telling it wrong."

Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?   He's 0K now

A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad.
His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ?
The logician replies: "yes".

A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting outside of a bar when two men walk into the house across the road…
Ten minutes later, three men walk out.
The physicist looks confused and says “There must an error in the measurements.”
The biologist retorts “No, they must have reproduced!”
To which the mathematician says “If one person goes inside, the house will be empty.”

Heisenberg was speeding down the highway. Cop pulled him over and says "Son, do you have any idea how fast you were going back there?"
Heisenberg said, "No, but I knew where I was"
The cop says "You were doing 100 miles an hour" to which Heisenberg replies "Great, now I'm lost".

How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None; the lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

3 logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks "Do all of you want a drink?"
The first logician says "I don't know."
The second logician says "I don't know."
The third logician says "Yes!"

Three school teachers go to the nude beach: the math teacher, the history teacher, and the logics teacher. Suddenly the female principal goes by them. So the math and history teacher puts their newspapers on their private parts, while the logics teacher puts it on his face. After the principal leaves, the first two ask the logics teacher:
Why did you put your newspaper on your face? She clearly saw your junk!
That's the thing! I'm mostly recognised by my face!

"A recent finding by statisticians shows the average human has one breast and one testicle.

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and go seek.
It's Einstein's turn to count so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten.
Pascal runs off and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square on the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it.
Einstein reaches ten and uncovers his eyes. He sees Newton immediately and exclaims "Newton! I found you! You're it!"
Newton smiles and says "You didn't find me, you found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!"

Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "can I get you something to drink?" Descartes answers "I think not." Poof he vanishes into thin air.

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From this terrific comic's weeklong tribute to SF authors: "Today we’re saying hello to scifi author Orson Scott Card, by means of a giant flaming finger of fuck held aloft in his homophobic direction."

I wonder if there'll ever be news paywall bundling. Having a different wall at each news outlet is like having a different mobile app for each one: A big hassle for the occasional visitor.*

This ponderance was prompted when something in a smallish town happened that affects friends of mine, and the local paper insists that I set up an account and be prepared to pay if I read more than three articles this month. This is roughly as convenient as "Download our app to keep reading" would be. News orgs are getting away from apps and toward responsive websites; at some point getting past a paywall ought to get similarly streamlined.

*The same site has a carousel of photos with the story that auto-advances in about the time it takes to read half of each caption. That's a whole different kind of annoying.

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Been meaning to write this up for a while. Tomasky's article was the impetus I needed.

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So, the political press knows Ron Paul is a nutter who can't win, and reasonably opts to ignore him. Turns out the GOP field is so weak that Paul rises in the polls, so the political press prove that he's a nutter who can't win.

Kurtz says, in effect, that the press was morally obliged to knock Paul down much earlier in the process. I don't see the point. Fringe candidates get treated as fringe candidates (remember those 5,000-word takedowns of Dennis Kucinich? Me neither) unless they develop some broader appeal. This is as it should be.

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