Above us a sky filled with stars, yet none of them shined brighter than you.
I read somewhere that most burned out long ago. Stars that is. It tickles my logic since eventually even fire is extinguished once the tinder is gone.
Why wouldn’t it make sense that all things end as well? I’ll tell you why. Because I refuse to give into the dark. One flip of a match and its clear enough to see again. I’m a dreamer. I dare to dream and chase that happy ending. Faith can move a mountain after all. Read that somewhere as well. Sounds very biblical, thanks mom. Yeah, yeah I know. There’s no mountains in Florida. I promise you though. My love is wicked strong and to the east there’s a mountain that just moved in inch. Oh yeah. That was me. You’re welcome.
Impermanence. I dare you to prove it wrong. It’s not a real dare, calm down. Put that thing away I’m not interested anyways. I don’t feed off the last word. It’s always those words you don’t hear that matter most these days anyways.
Looking down at this puddle at my feet I wonder where it came from? Glanced left and right but nothings left but me here in the middle. Not even you. You left. Put me on time out. Guess that makes you the man. I’ve got some other theories on what that makes you. None of them good but hey I appreciate a good wake up call and your hot naked.
The pool at my feet. Ah now I remember. Emotions. Oh yeah, lets not forget; they don’t just come hot they can manifest wet. Not enough to drown in. Just profound enough to leave me soaking wet.
Kneeling down, my reflection stares back. Not a ripple in sight, a calm slate of silence. I catch a tear before it falls. I’ll refuse to fall thank you very much. Take that gravity.
The quiet is never really quiet is it? It’s the loudest color in this crayon box. If you don’t believe me then turn the volume down, close your eyes and listen. Not really quiet is it?
In this backyard confessional, I’m guilty of giving. Giving more than I should. After all a gesture of generosity is that prime karma we should all evoke. Still, my extra credit mentality created such a mess. What can I say, I love getting A’s. B’s and C’s were never acceptable. Will it stop me from giving? Probably not.
Still I’ll return to being guarded. It’s safer in the illusion. Built a fortress around myself for years. Let the bridge down a moment and it was good for a while till you flipped a brick. Made it all seem like it was my fault and walked away. That’s alright. Lesson learned, drawbridge up. Back to that towering mirage of safety.
It’s time to raise the walls, filter the wet and be strong. I’ll be that picture of serenity on the outside. Eventually it will be routine enough to convince me its right. What do they say again? If you play with fire you’re eventually going to get burned? Well, I’ll just put those matches away and click the safety on. If we wear long sleeves and pants the mosquitos will have a harder time biting skin. Damn our state bird.
It’s not apathy its protection. You disagree now but wait it out a bit. Haven’t you been hurt before? You’ll eventually feel that pivotal moment where your best intentions are turned to bullets and as they puncture every smile you had you’ll remember your armor for the next time. Just don’t add salt. No matter how it preserves the meat, it doesn’t always make it better.
Feels good to put the pen to paper. The metaphorical quill to ink to parchment. So old school in a binary world. Why are we always the most creative on the down moments. Joys never force an outlet for inspiration.
Still putting all the hurt aside. I’ll not regret a thing. I’m not afraid to admit it. I miss you and I’ll never learn. I’ll always shoot for the sky and give it my all. It’s who I am. That guy that gives his 100% and dreams about the happily ever after.
I glance up to a sky filled with stars. All of them so bright. Still the brightest one is you.
Drop by drop and slowly it all fills up. I’ve been keeping it all in my head lately. It’s only when it’s past full that my thoughts spill and you get a taste of this salt. Regardless it’s just a metaphorical elaboration of something that no one ever understands but the person who feels it. I’d speak clearly but I’m out of Windex today. Maybe everyday.
Wishes and wants they’re everywhere. It’s like we’ve become machines of consumption. Spend a little here. Give a little there. When does it stop? Truth is it doesn’t and I don’t have much. I’ll always want more than I get. Just wanted to spend time with you. My genuine offer and constant investment with no return. Still who loves to learn a lesson the easy way. Carryon. I’m getting better at pretending I’m not bothered.
I’m exhaling loudly. The ever present sigh that people love to read between the lines. Sure you know what’s going on. Even if you guessed right I’d admit to nothing. I don’t feel like being punished for feeling today. I’ll keep my mouth shut thanks. The truth’s always somewhere towards that silent left anyways.
I get a headache once in a while. Alright lets not sugar coat it. It’s a full fledged Migraine. I see the spots and I know its coming. Take some pills and pray it doesn’t last long. Makes it hard to focus. Yet even with my eyes closed I see you clearly. No pill to make this particular ache go away. It’s not random. Its the truth of loving a challenge and hating it every step of the way.
Drop by drop and slowly it all fills up again. No use it keeping it in my head anymore. The evidence of the overflow is no longer easy to hide. Might be a good thing since it probably doesn’t taste good anymore. Plus they say out is better than in. Do it fast enough and it feels good.
I’m raising my glass. It’s a solute in the opposite direction of my happiness. Cheers though! I wish you well. Cause I’m so damn amazing. Since I’m made of such strong glass, I’ll wish you both the best. Even if it breaks me everyday. Dreams are just lies we have the pleasure of waking up from.
I turned off the lights. You like it this way. I’m the love you feel in the dark. The only time I matter. I wonder if I ever mattered. Still its hard to see in here. I’m pretty sure I bumped into something just now. My clumsiness that always preferred the light. Something between the day and the night. Proof I exist outside of anything.
I’m not filled with regret or remorse anymore. Instead consumed drop by drop by the emptiness of being full. Full of everything but you. I’m past the place of surrendered return. The seeds are in my heart and I’ve held back so many tears I’m sure they’ll grow. Grow into what I wonder.
This is the peak of it all. A dream shattered and a terrible end. Still I wish I was in the middle. The middle always has the promise of both directions. Go left, go right? Doesn’t matter, they both bring me back to this place. A place where I’m surely always going to be.
Drop by drop somehow it always seems to fill it up. Thought after thought, maybe this will guide me home. That unstoppable river of us. The current in the wrong direction. Make certain to remember, Dreams are just hopes we have the pleasure of waking up from in the end.