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Victoria Trabosh
299 followers -
Accomplish the extraordinary - you are enough
Accomplish the extraordinary - you are enough

299 followers
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Inspire Me Today has chosen to repost what I wrote for them almost 2 years ago. Before I knew I had cancer. And as I read my own words I know they are true for me. I hope the can inspire you too. Vicky

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17 years ago
It never occurred to me when Mom was dying what it would be like to no longer have her in my life. She was my confidant, my co-conspirator, my cheerleader. And I, for her. She fought her battle with dignity and grace in a way I'd never seen anyone fight, and her final breath in my arms was a silent surrender to the battle.

I have thought of her every single day since she died. Every single day. I wonder what life would have been like if she hadn't died. She would be enthralled with all the technology, engaged in the arts, creating beauty herself through all artistic mediums, being a vital part of my and my brother's lives, swooning over her grandchildren and great grandchildren, a vital and productive human being, accompanying me on any profound or wacky adventure and adding her wisdom without apology to my life and the lives of those she loved.

This is the woman who looked at me when I was 39 years old, and said again to me gently, "Oh Vic, quit trying to be something you're not: you're wonderful just the way you are." (after I'd said yet another boneheaded thing and was wishing once more with all my heart I could be just like her: quiet, shy, demure....) And I'm so NOT. But she celebrated ME. She loved ME. She cheered ME. And in all of that I have lived a life I believe she would have been proud of.

I continue to be directed by thoughts of, "What would Mom think?" And I know, through it all, she would approve. Not of all of my actions, my choices, my behavior. But of me. She approved of me. And so I live a life that through all the victories and trials honors her. And I choose to honor her more by my actions than my grief.

Dearest Mom, if you can see me through the windows of heaven, may my life bring you joy. May the story that you've seen unfold be one that must unfold. If you can cry in heaven when I've been in the most painful moments, if you can laugh at the funniest times, if can be courageous for me when I've fallen, if you can ask God to heal me once again when disease has attacked me, if you can greet all of my loved ones who have died since I lost you, if you can pet our beloved furry kids who cross the rainbow bridge, if you can whisper wisdom that keeps me going, if..... I know you have done so.

We are one. Our bond is unbreakable. I will miss you and mourn my loss of you all the days of my life. But I will never regret this life without you because this is the journey I was meant to live. And God knows better than I what I need.

Miss you Mom. Love you more than I will ever be able to express. Wish you were here. Thank you for always being in my heart. For giving me such a strong foundation from which to live. And for teaching me that who I am is enough. You were more than you ever knew. You've touched lives through your wisdom that you would be stunned to realize. And while you never saw the brilliant and magnificent woman within yourself, I was given the vision of what you were and have never laid down the torch of your light which I share with the world. Mother, I miss you. I'll see you one day. No hurry: I know you'll wait.

Much love always, your Vits
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I made a video and would like to give you my book for free and my chapter in the latest book, : Cancer: From Tears to Triumph Thanks!

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PDX entrepreneurs take care of what is important to Portlanders.  Nicely done

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