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Carlton Fairley
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Now I know how Anakin Skywalker felt

If you are reading this please forgive all grammatical errors. I have a degree in Electrical Engineering, not English.

Well, it happened. I gave in to my anger. I turned fully to the Dark Side. I bought an iPhone 4s. Actually I bought two iPhone 4s’s but that’s neither here-nor-there. The fact remains after the many years of waging a verbal war against iPhone and iPhone users I joined the ranks to become yet another one of the millions of Apple whores… Yes I know the term whore is drastic, but in my case it truly fits and I couldn’t possibly deny that, and I’m not going to try.

What am I talking about for you new people that barely know me, yet are choosing to read this diatribe? I’ll tell you.

Very short version of the story:
1. I’m a RIM apologist and Love Blackberry and what they stand for.
2. But I had to leave BB for Android when the Droid Incredible came out.
3. Immediately went back to my BB Tour because I couldn’t deal with the battery life of the Dinc.
4. Year and change later the BB died, wife upgraded and got the DInc2, I took back the DInc.
5. LTE Galaxy Nexus arrives on shelves nation wide
6. Broke my back to get said LTE GN day of. (got it a day later)
7. …Venture to say 85+% of my calls dropped and or I’d loose my signal just by even thinking about picking the LTE GN up.
8. Returned LTE GN.
9. Bought an iPhone.
10. My reign as a Sith Lord commences.

Now that I got that out of the way I feel as if I need to explain to my gadget tech geek best friends why, in detail I gave in to the Empire. Come along for the ride, will you?

From the very beginning I’ve pretty much despised what the iPhone represented. I saw it as, AND IT IS a trendy, beautiful, used to be expensive, toy. Those that owned them didn’t use them as phones… they were toys that had the capability to make phone calls on AT&T’s network.

You see, I’ma businessman. I like to communicate. I love writing a good email, and or text message. I bought the Samsung Blackjack and loved it but even way back then, I craved a true Internet browser and or experience on a phone. Back then I knew I was headed towards a Blackberry. At the end of the contract I switched from AT&T to Verizon and got the Blackberry Tour. YOU SOLD ME A DREAM RIM… I was so happy to get it. I had read reviews, previews. The net and I think even RIM was calling it the flagship. Keep in mind this was many months after the failed BB Storm (which I went to VZN FIRST thing in the morning to buy, but was sold out {thank you Google Gods for that}) had hit the market. The Tour was beautiful, functional as a BB and in hardware. I still love that phone and odds are, I would have still been using it if it had not died. But it was still a BB with a shitty web browser and slow and clunky OS. Well I wouldn’t call it clunky but again that’s neither here-nor-there.

Then it happened. Android… lets just call it, hit puppetry and was truly maturing as a functional OS. The Droid Evo landed at Sprint, and the Droid Incredible landed at VZN. At this point in my life I was damn near and still am a proud spokesman for the Google Gods. I was using it all; Gmail, Gtalk, Gcalendar, Greader, Gdocs, Glatitude, etc. O yeah, ONE MORE THING. FREE… as in FREE 99 Turn-by-Turn navigation that JUST WORKED. Think about that please… So to get the DInc meant I’m all in, fully functional and can’t be stopped. But then the sad realization hit. Battery life was beyond terrible, especially coming from a BB. But as one of my best friends will always say with regards to the shift from BB to a Android phone “that’s actually doing something”, “of course the BB is going to have better battery life”. To clarify, “actually doing something” means full web browsing, true multitasking, powerful OS running and making all the magic happen. Understood Dane… Understood. Never the less I couldn’t take it. I gave it to my wife and she made it work, later to upgrade to the DInc2. Meanwhile when I gave her the DInc, I went back to the BB Tour.

Then my beloved BB died as they ALL do. You know BB’s are the only phones I know off that consistently die. They don’t get retired. You’re simply forced to replace them or move on. But anyway, when that happened my wife upgraded to the DInc2 and I took back the DInc. I took it back because the future was waiting for me. I had the good Two-Year Upgrade coming up and I wasn’t going to waste it. By this time LTE was around the corner. Then The Droid Bionic was around the corner, then the DB got delayed. And for all you gadget/phone geeks, you know it got the LOOOOONG delay. Then the sun came up. And it was on THIS day that the Google Gods had made that the Nexus PRIME was coming to Verizon…

I’ll get back to the Nexus Prime in a minute. Let me talk iPhone. You mind?

So back to my beef with the iPhone. Look… I got a 15” Mac Book Pro, I bought my wife a 13” MBP. Later I bought her an iPad2. We both have iPod Classics and we BUY software and MUSIC… I love Apple products. I LOVE iTunes, even thought there is a large tech community that doesn’t. I just didn’t like the iPhone. Didn’t want an iPhone and was truly heart broken yesterday when I returned the phone that I had waited years to buy. I use apps but I don’t neeeeed them. Now that’s a dumb statement I know. Especially being that I use all the Google apps previously listed and more. My logic on apps doesn’t much make sense sooo I’m not even gonna try to explain other than to say this. I’m not a gamer so I don’t need the IN game of the month on my phone. I don’t need to view X-Rays on my smart phone. I’m just a cool, smooth Q, part-part-time freelance graphic designer hobbyist from Greensboro, NC that needs to be able to communicate when I need to effectively. These iPhone user had a toy. In my eyes they we’re big kids locked in a toy store. Angry Birds damn-near comes on all phones these days. It’s a standard by which qualifies smart phones as powerful. And yes I understand why. But I don’t do games like that. Hell, I JUST installed Words With Friends over the Christmas holiday. I think and hope you see where I’m going here.

Next, the battery. I just can’t get my head around not being able to replace my own battery. I know it’s a primitive way of thinking in terms of tech but come’on. When the Samsung Blackjack came out AT&T… or was it Cingular… …they GAVE you a spare battery AND a spare battery dock because they KNEW the battery life sucked. So here’s how I played it. Keep the dock always plugged up in the car pretty much guaranteeing a full charge when needed. Milk the active battery until the phone died, immediately put the charged battery in, keep it moving. Boom. Got the BB Tour and those days were over. BB battery life… you already know is stupid crazy nice. You could literally go days without charging that phone. But as previously stated, the phone in the grand scheme of things wasn’t doing anything. DInc didn’t come with a spare and I was simply too lazy too buy one, nor did I Want to buy one so I just gave it up to my wife. With the iPhone when it dies, It Dies (Rocky IV…). No replacing the battery just dead until you can get to a plug. Yeah there were accessories… yes I know this but it’s the principle people. Feel me? (Omar Little… If you don’t know you’re a loser)

Finally, the BUTTONS!!! You know how you don’t have to look at your TV remote to do EVERYTHING you need to do…? You can be Drunk, High, Rollin, Buzzin, Pissed off, and have Greensboro Day Syndrome and still blindly operate a TV remote. Well guess what people. That’s the greatness of buttons. Yes, I love the full Qwerty keyboard. Still do… Matter a fact lemme be even more frank. If the Blackberry could operate Android apps, correction the previously mentioned Gapps, I would have the New Blackberry Bold which if you didn’t know is DOPE A$$ Phone. If you don’t believe me, stop by a VZN store with working floor model display phones and tell me I’m wrong. The OS is there. They’re just two/three years late with ZERO apps. But still the HARDWARE is 110% on point and… flawless. To bad RIM is doomed.

So there you have it. The three reasons I hated on the iPhone.
1. Toy/App Snobbery
2. Un-removable Battery
3. Lack of full Qwerty Keyboard

2011, the year of LTE phones, and Verizon’s Google Nexus, I mean Google Nexus Prime, I mean Samsung Galaxy Nexus Prime, I mean The Samsung Galaxy Nexus. What can I say, I snuck out of my NEW Job to go get this phone. Shish, don’t tell my boss, that’s why I was gone for 45 minutes on a none-lunch break. Yeah I went the VZN store, waited in line with the other eager GN customers all to walk out the store with a receipt for a GN that was going to be overnighted to me because some…


Sorry Mom and Dad

…because some Fucktard with a corporate account ahead of us walked out with NINETEEN GN’s and wiped them out. Blah blah blah, I got the phone the next day And it was good.

Now lemme tell you people. The Galaxy Nexus is a great Great phone. LTE is STOOOPID fast. The Screen is BIIIIIIIG and BRIGHT, Ice Cream Sandwich is TRUE iOS competition and a Google Fiends Dream, AND for an Android the battery life (For me, wasn’t bad. But at the end of the day… it’s a phone. And guess what. I was dropping calls like Hell fire volcanic potatoes delivered personally by Lucifer himself. I’m talking ‘bout potatoes seared in the fires in Mordor of Middle-Earth. Dude… so… I got the phone in my hands on a Friday. Didn’t activate it until Saturday afternoon… Rough night at Stans the previous night. Didn’t need to make any phone calls immediately. Sunday night, went out to Harris Teeter (1st St. NE and M St. NE, in DC) to grocery shop then to Mellow Mushroom in Adams Morgan to pick up a pizza we ordered. While driving from the Teet to MM, I called Moms and my sister. The calls dropped four times… Really… My experience with that GN with regards to signal issues (dropped calls, the VZN LTE outages, and phone struggling to keep the signal it had) were the worst communication experiences I’ve had in my gadget lifetime. Calls dropped for no reason. Calls dropped in places where I had “full” bars (signal strength). It was Antenna-gate, the Android Chronicles. Yes, I recognized I couldn’t get enough of talkin MAAD trash about the iPhone4’s OG Antenna-gate saga. And yes, early adopter woes but guess what people, at that point the GN was DOA. All the goodness of what ICS brought to the table was null and void. I’m sorry, by default a phone needs to do ONE THING RIGHT with out question. Make and Hold phone calls. Damn your 4g LTE issues Verizon…

Secondly, the hardware… It sucks. The power button is a third of the way down from the top on the right hand side of the phone. So damn near eeeeevery time you rotate it you hit the button.

Side note… LOL what I’m about to say is going to contradict my button fetish. Sometimes buttons suck. ICS gets rid of the standard Android buttons and replaces them with three soft buttons that are the shiz’nit. But then you got these STOOOPID-easy to press buttons on both sides of the phone (left: Volume toggles, right: Power). Every time I gripped the phone I was hitting one of them.

Back to the over all build of the phone. The battery cover… yeah… On paper that was a cool idea. In reality… Bad design. One, you always feel like you’re breaking the phone when removing it (not that you’re removing it everyday, but I’m saying) Two, for 24 hours I struggled to securely get the cover to stay flush. Finally figured out what the issue was late Saturday night at a house party. I’m the only loser in a house party with my best friends fiddling with a battery cover. Moral of that story phone manufactures. PLEASE DESIGN YOUR PHONE WITH CARE.

These issues where and are very big deals to me. Deal breakers. I paid $300 dollars for a phone. That’s the cost for an early adopter. I accepted that cost with ease. I WILL NOT EXCEPT shotty hardware and dropped calls for that price though. So what I may have had a dud phone (when it comes to the antenna; as some people are not having signal strength issues). News flash people, Verizon has your phone record. They can see when you drop calls due to hardware and or signal issues. The store rep listed all my dropped calls two nights ago when I was in the store, at that time contemplating exchanging it for another GN or giving in to the Dark Side. Lemme just get into the finally straws. You all don’t have time to be reading any more ‘extra’ novel.

So yeah… My wife is in grad school at UMD. She was a happy Android (DInc, DInc2) user. Got her a 13” MBP Christmas ’10, and bought her an iPad2 right after Fall ’11 Semester started. Guess what she said… “I think I want an iPhone.” Steve Jobs, you a genius. You hooked her lil’behind nice a good. At that point I knew I was going to get her an iPhone for Christmas ’11. Problem was we weren’t due for an upgrade on one of our lines until Jan. 1st ’12. I learned that the Friday before Christmas. You see I was a week into owning the GN and I was somewhat happy being I was having issues. Walked into my favorite Apple Store, the one in Georgetown to buy her iPhone4s. Until that day I had never touched a raw dog iPhone4/4s without the case. Lemme tell you… …well lemme add number 4 to the list of crap I talked about the iPhone4. It’s a freaking work of art. Long story short it’s a work of art to the point where one good drop and your communication device is shattered.

4. Glass phone

…But I had never held one. I picked up one of the thousands of display phones in the Georgetown store and truthfully, that was it for the GN. It was officially DOA. I’m not talking about OS’s here. I’m talking about hardware. I’m not saying I’m wrong about why a phone manufacture should never make a glass phone again. I’m talking about the feeling of what quality IS. A lot of people, non-Apple users don’t realize that yes, these products are expensive (notice that I DID NOT SAY over priced). They are expensive for a reason (I hope). I’d like to think we’re truly paying for Quality hardware, and of course what’s under the hood is dope as well. Just because you put a the interior of a fully loaded X6 M series BMW in the frame of a Ford Escape DON’T make it Quality product. Apple is the complete package people. End of story.

So yesterday, I took back the phone of my dreams and bought two iPhone4s… And guess what I did at the same time? I SAVED MONEY. What kinda mess is that…?

Ok I’m done for now with this story. If you want more details feel free to hit me up.

P.S. So I was in the apple store tonight troubleshooting iCloud, cause IT AIN’T perfect and GUESS who the frak walked in…

THE GOOGLE GOD himself Eric Schmidt with his (I’m assuming) wife.

I have to close this out with this. He was at the SAME table RIGHT BESIDE ME troubleshooting something for his wife’s white iPhone. There was a line of apple employees keeping their distance in awe. I mean with all due respect. We live in a world where we had/have MJ, MJ, Barack Hussein Obama, Bill Gates, Eric Schmidt, and Steve Jobs. These people are and were ICONS!!! And I was in the presence of an ICON. A Google God as I refer to the Googles.

But that’s not the best part… Guess what phone HE was using (or at least the phone I saw him holding)…?

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

I’m pretty dang sure he was rockin a Blackberry Bold 9900 brought to you by Research In Motion, via Verizon Wireless.

I…, I just feel vindicated. Sure that’s prolly just his work phone because we all know BB’s are built for work. But still. He could have any phone in the world. He could have a top secret stealth being-photoshopped-while-in his hand super tech phone running Maxie B’s Strawberry Buttercream Cake OS. But he didn’t. He had a Blackberry.

The End,

Newest Member of the Sith kind…
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