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G J Johnson
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I C BMs
Jonah was concerned about the future. As in, not having one. "Do you worry about North Korea ending it all? Two madmen in charge of nuclear weapons, and such?" We were sitting at the circulation desk, coolly ignoring customers. I leaned back, crossing my ar...
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My Twitter War with Celebrities, and What I Look Like Now Will Make Your Head Explode, Off Your Shoulders
On Monday I got into a fight with some people on Twitter. Some folk just can't handle my tight science. #prettyfly #whiteguy First I got trolled by some weird little douche. I fought back with all I had. Btw, I wear my cap backwards because it allows easier...
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What Mark Ruffalo Looks Like Now Is Insane, People are Freaking Out from This One Weird Trick
I came into work, moaning and groaning. And not in the sexy way (my usual MO). "What's wrong with you?" Jonah said. "I spent Labor Day laboring on my new bookcase. See what I did there?" "No." "Anyway, I'm an idiot, as we know . I had the same adventure wit...
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Mystical Connections
Jonah came into the break room. Which was weird since he practically lives there! But I kid. "I have some chilling news," I said. "We ran out of bagels? AGAIN??" "Uh... no. There're some tootsie pops in that torn garbage bag, if you're that desperate." "YES...
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Snakes Alive! Now I'm Five!!
Pat had a question for me. "Do you think it's possible that I could pretend to live at your dad's house in Santa Fe so I could get adopted by my yoga teacher?" "Well, that's not a simple question. Let's unpack it. And then collapse in exhaustion." Things ha...
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Total Eclipse of the Fart
I've been working in customer service for a loong time, but sometimes a customer/patron will say something that will stop me cold. An elderly fella came up to me with a grave visage and said, "You know anything about book jackets?" A full five seconds passe...
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London Calling
Jonah came up to me and slyly slipped me a letter with a wax seal. "Just for you," he whispered. I had gotten back from Chipotle and I wasn't thinking clearly. They had just added queso to their offerings!! Verily, people, it felt like there was an orgy in ...
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Ideas
Dad won't let me have a broom, Pat says with a groan. Speaking of Dads, he wants my own to have residency at his place in SF so he can get adopted by his yoga teacher. Dad? I'm sure he'd like to get roped into this scheme. King lady. She's very thin, can se...
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Master of the Segue
Lady marches up to me at my library post, and in a loud, clear voice asks if we have eyes. "Eyes?" I look into hers. She's the whimsical Columbian I've dealt with many a time--she of the creative lipstick application and the random requests to stay at staff...
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Keeping Pace at the Library
A customer told me that something strange was happening in the community room. "You see her?" A tall, thin lady was pacing the room, arms crossed. "She's been doing that for the last thirty minutes!" From a distance Jonah and I watched the woman hypnoticall...
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