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It’s not a fun time to be a man right now, what with all the terrible behavior being revealed by #MeToo. It’s even worse if you understand that we deserve all those bad feelings and more. So. Much. More. We deserve it because we’ve behaved horribly,…
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“You Oughta Know” Original: I want you to know, that I am happy for you I wish nothing but the best for you both An older version of me Is she perverted like me? Would she go down on you in a theater? Does she speak eloquently And would she have your…
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STAY TUNED: Tomorrow, 9/28, The BetaFiles Podcast returns with new segments, new commentary, and the return of Dr. J. The Daily Files return next week, along with more Google Translate Poetry, White Board Confessions, and fresh articles from our staff.  
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“Penny Lane” Original: Penny Lane there is a barber showing photographs Of every head he’s had the pleasure to know And all the people that come and go Stop and say “Hello” On the corner is a banker with a motorcar, And little children laugh at him behind…
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I think it’s safe to say that, right now, public discourse isn’t at its loftiest point in our history. Up until last week, I told myself that things could certainly be worse, saying “Hey, no one’s taken a stick to a colleague on the Senate floor while a…
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  In this second entry of “You Really Ought to Read it First”, we’re going to talk about the Bible in general. There are a lot of people who, in spite of all the truly weird stuff that’s in it, believe the Bible is literally true. Like every word of it.…
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As you may have noticed over the last few days, it’s been rather difficult to turn on a news program without hearing about the White House’s latest policy debacle, the separation of families attempting to cross our southern border. This was a fairly big…
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Well, my friends, I had another birthday this week. And, as the title of this missive indicates, this one marks 57 years on the planet. My father taught me from a very young age that I had a responsibility to give back to my community and in an effort to…
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Original: Well we’re movin on up, to the east side. To a deluxe apartment in the sky. Movin on up to the east side. We finally got a piece of the pie.   Fish don’t fry in the kitchen; Beans don’t burn on the grill. Took a whole lotta tryin’ just to get up…
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I realize that may be a shocking title for some of you, but I really can’t think of any other way to describe the phenomenon I’m writing about today. You all know who I’m talking about, though. We’ve all seen them, loudly voicing their support for Trump,…
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