Freedom, Choice, and Loosing Contact
There is a lesson I learned a long time ago at my first job from a skilled manager of mine who was training me for management. The manager told me one day “People always want to take the easy way out. If there is an easy way, a shortcut to accomplish something then people will find it and take it rather than doing things the correct way as they should be done”. That manager was indeed knowledgeable and correct in that statement.
Recently someone left my life for good. They said many things to me, all of which were nice and good advice. Then up and gone, just that quick. They said it was due to something I said, which as is usual they would not tell me what that was. They also said that I needed to “work on some things” and that they did also.
Who on this planet does not have anything to work on? Who has no need to work on having more patience, more compassion, more skill at various tasks, more self-control, more helping others, more attention paid to their loved ones, more friendliness? Who has absolutely nothing to work on and improve about themselves? IF, we are all to do as was suggested and not have contact until after we “work on some things” then it seems as if everyone on this planet will have contact with absolutely no other person since everyone needs to improve something.
Some may say that it was a higher power forcing them out of my life. If that was the case, then one would have to accept that there is absolutely no freedom of choice at all. Everything everyone ever does and has done is being controlled without any of their own freedom of choice according to that philosophy. That would mean we can all just sit back and enjoy the ride because whatever is “supposed to happen” will happen and is beyond our control so no need to put effort in anything. According to that philosophy, everything we say to each other is also beyond our control, we have no freedom of choice, what we say is being controlled by some higher power that “wills” us to do and say everything we do.
Maybe I am the archaic one here. I maintain that freedom of choice is an absolutely essential phenomena and something that we all have by virtue of being born. No matter where a person is born, no matter what philosophy or religion one was born into, no matter what regime may control the control and commerce of a given location, we all have freedom of choice. We choose to obey the rules our families set for us. We choose to obey the rules that a given religion or philosophy set for us. We choose to obey the laws that a given government regime sets for us. We go to work and school and they set rules for us, which we also choose to obey. We could all just as easily choose to not obey the rules. We have the ability to choose to cross the street in the middle without waiting for a light. We choose to not do our homework in school. We choose to wait until the last minute to finish a project or assignment. We choose to attend religious services or not to attend them. We choose what meals we want to eat that we have at our disposal. We choose how hard we work. We choose who we keep around us and who we do not. We choose if we stay at a given job or not.
It appears as though another person I know may be correct when they said “We are liars by virtue of being human”. In fact, we do often lie whether or not we want to admit it. We lie to ourselves very often. We lie to ourselves in order to protect our egos. We lie to ourselves in order to maintain certain beliefs we have set for ourselves. And then we lie to others, often unconsciously, in order to further reinforce the lies we are telling ourselves. We lie to ourselves often when telling ourselves things such as “I do not look good in this color or clothing”, “I am too fat”, “I am too skinny”, “I am not smart enough to handle this”, “I am not skilled enough to do that”, “I have not had the background growing up to do or know that”, “I cannot do that because of what people would think about me”, all lies we often tell ourselves almost daily. We can do that, we just choose not to, we choose to lie to ourselves in order to protect our egos and beliefs.
Thus, why did this person leave my life after saying nice things and giving good advice? Simply, they chose to leave my life. They chose to not tell me what it was that offended them. They chose to say that “we have things to work on” and use that as an excuse to walk away. They chose to run away when things got a little tough. There is no blame in that as most everyone runs away from everything when things get tough for them. That is a problem almost all people have (Special Forces of Military perhaps being the exception there that I have deep respect for). When things get tough and we reach a certain limit of tolerance we run away rather than stay and handle the situation head on. That is our choice. We choose to run away from tough things, it is not mandated by some higher power.
We as humans have freedom of choice all the time. Even in areas where we seem to be oppressed we have the freedom to choose whether or not we will obey or fight the oppression. We choose to obey or not obey the laws of the family, philosophy, religion, government, and land. We choose to remain in contact with people or not remain in contact with them. People move away all the time yet still it is there choice and our choice as to whether or not we remain in contact. Thus, this person walked away by their choice and chooses to remain away forever. That is their choice and now I must live with that.