A jumble of footprints and hasty steps I can't retrace,
The mountains of things that I still regret,
Is a vile reminder that I would rather just forget
The thing is, I'm unsure of how I respond now, do I follow Goslings advice on how to get over her, knowing that it won't work, but at least I'll have some fun? Or do I commit to being alone for the time being as I have been for some self discovery and try to make sure I'll be right if she decides to come back around? Because I do believe she might. She's stubborn as hell, and she'll fight it for a long time, but I know she still thinks about it. But unless you've met your soul mate, you won't understand anything that I'm saying here so just never mind. Because the doubt about what to do comes from a place of wanting to remain faithful even though you know that there is nothing to be faithful to. I've been single for about four and a half months now. The only thing holding me back from being with someone else is the idea that I'd hurt her if she came back. I'm lonely, and I want to be with someone even if I know I won't love her. But wouldn't it be cheating since I feel guilty for even flirting with the girl at my coffee shop?
See I don't think you actually have to be in a relationship to cheat, because isn't a relationship just an idea? I say "just", but of course it's more than that, but I mean it isn't something tangible. It's a social construct. An idea that two people agree upon. But I don't think it even takes two people, no, I think that one person can commit to an idea on his or her own, and that is just as important and valid as an idea that two agree upon. An idea that one person out there is for you, and that no one else can compare to that person. The idea of a soul mate doesn't require two people to agree that they are each others before committing to it, it just requires you to believe, no, I keep saying believe but that's the wrong word, you KNOW that the other person is the one. The only one who truly matters. And if you're with someone else, or start to like someone else as more than a friend, you feel guilty about it. It's cheating on the idea of that person who means more to you than anyone else could ever hope to, even though they don't feel the same way.
I'll admit that I've forgotten where I was going with this, as I'm writing from my phone and it takes much longer to get my thoughts out than with a proper keyboard, but the jist of what I'm trying to say is that I found my soul mate at the age of 15 on Myspace with a little help from some mutual friends, and I've loved her every day since that first night I walked her home from Sabrina's house. I got lazy as time went on after we were living together, god knows I used to try to make every minute together mean something, but I thought growing up and being responsible meant you stopped doing all that couple stuff, but I know I was wrong about that.
And now I'm just trying to figure out how the rest of this plays out.
- ShermanticComputer Technician, 2012 - present
- Group 4 SecuricorSecurity Professional, 2011 - 2012
- SecuritasSecurity Guard, 2009 - 2011
- Spirit HalloweenSales Associate, 2009 - 2009
- Green Hills Country ClubGrounds Keeper, 2008 - 2008
Rt. 1 Box 212, Farmington, WV
- Fairmont State UniversityTaking a semester off, present
- North Marion High
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