WARNING: This is pretty long!!!
I am feeling pretty shitty right now. Yesterday will go down as one of the top 5 sucky b-days. And only because my sun allergy got in the way and I feel like I let a friend down. There is not a damn thing I can do about it and I know this. But as my good friend reminds me from time to time, feelings are subjective and can be blown out of the water. I know that in the back of my mind. He is very correct, but damn it, it sure is hard to get past at times like this.
People think I am joking sometimes when I say I am a Vampire and am allergic to the sun. Some of my friends have seen it and know it to be true and some just figure I am being a drama queen. But this is a real health issue for me and can have some serious health issues if I push it and some of them very serious. And I did push it and knew it was coming. I was just hoping I could somehow push it off. But at the end of the day the body will protect itself, no matter how stupid you are being and pushing yourself. That is on me, but sometimes you have to push and I am good at pushing just to the line. But I was stupid and went over that line and that is on me and I am just lucky the result was mild.
For those new to me and my sun drama, I am allergic to the sun. No joke, I break out in wheals, rashes and now has advance to in between a 1st and 2nd degree burn. That is any contact with the sun on my skin and the reaction is with in seconds to 1 minute. It is pretty bad. But I have learned to live with it. I go out covered, meaning hat, scarf to cover side of my face and back of my neck, gloves to protect my hands, long pants, skirts or dresses and materials can NOT be thin as the Evil Daystar with get me through thin materials.
This year I was asked to help a friend's adult child out with this fireworks stand endeavor he did last year that worked out well. Well I did explain that I am limited to what I can do and the sun will play a huge part on what I can do. Like how much direct sunlight these booths get. Problem solved and I could do night watch, freaking prefect. Well come to find out some of my many other skills and talents were going to be needed, which would require being out doing high sun times. But if I could work it right, I could get those things done, help my friends out and still protect myself. Well of course that is not how it went down. I am who I am and once I have given my word on something, as I have proven time and time again, I am stupid and loyal to the bitter end, even at the cost of self. Stupid and on me, yes I know it. But at the end of the day I am true to myself and those around me.
So yesterday, a rather big problem had come up, there was no choice but to suck it up and fix it. Night guard duty would normally be from 11 p.m. to 9-10 a.m.. Which is pretty good and before the heat of the day. Well I did not get back home time 2:30 p.m., which is in the hottest part of the damn day. My friend noticed I was rather fuzzy headed and not being super clear in my sentences. I had been up for over 32 hours and normally don't sleep well as it is. I went to lay down to get sleep before my shift and passed the fuck out. I didn't wake up till 1:47 a.m. I of course freaked out and called my boss to let her know I was fine. She was asleep but seemed all right that I was fine. But I feel like shit that I let her down. She called 4 times last night, which I didn't hear. I slept through my alarm, I was pretty much dead to the world.
Pretty much my body shuts down to protect it's self. The last time this happened I was asleep for 22 hours. No one could wake me and people were pretty close to calling an ambulance because I could not be woken up. That was a serve case. This was a mild reactions, but like I said, I over did it. I didn't think I had pushed it that much, but clearly I was wrong and now that I am older I have to re-acknowledge my limits. And as we all know, no one wants to face such hard truths they have no control over. I can not, physically handle the sun this much anymore. I can not push so hard even if I feel fine and think I can. I am just not physically capable to do the things I could once do. It fucking sucks man and I hate it. It limits me on so many levels. The main one would be having a day job. Or like when I am in Portland I can not spend 3+ hours on a bus to go visit friends. So I guess if people really want to see me they will have to come get me, because I just can't do the sun anymore. Guess I will continue to see less and less of my friends now. Which sucks so much and hurts so much. But what can I do and still take care of me? Problems for another day.
A basic definition for the laymen and I will provide links to some very basic sites for those that care to read and understand me a little more:
""Sun allergy is a term often used to describe a number of conditions in which an itchy red rash occurs on skin that's been exposed to sunlight. The most common form of sun allergy is polymorphic light eruption, also known as sun poisoning.
Some people have a hereditary type of sun allergy, while others develop signs and symptoms only when triggered by another factor — such as certain types of medications or skin exposure to plants such as limes or wild parsnip.
Mild cases of sun allergy may resolve without treatment. More severe cases may require steroid creams or pills. People who have a severe sun allergy may need to take preventative measures and wear sun-protective clothing.""
It is becoming such an issue that I am going to have to do a full on lifestyle clothing change. I have decided on Victorian Gothic. Just because I am suffering doesn't mean I can't looks good and I make that style look amazing. I can't afford to buy any of the cool outfits, not even second hand, so I will have to learn how to do even more advance sewing. Good thing I already have making corsets under my built from a master seamstress, thank you Suzie. I know how to make three different corsets from 3 different periods. It's going to be layering and the more fancy sewing that is going to be a huge challenge, but I will learn, because I have no choice and have to protect my body and health. So no laughing if my lines are not prefect and amazing please, I am doing the best I can.
Well if you actually made it this fair and read all the craziness, I thank you and you now know a little more about me. So well I may joke about being a Vampire, it is a real fact of life for me. And I may joke about it, but it is how I cope and deal with something I have/had no control over.
Thank you for reading and I hope everyone has a great, safe and wonderful 4th of July weekend.http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/sun-allergy/basics/definition/con-20035077http://www.webmd.com/skin-problems-and-treatments/sun-poisoning?page=2https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Photodermatitishttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pellagrahttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hartnup_disease