So… serious post time. A really, REALLY serious post that was pretty hard to write, but I knew I had to do eventually. It is something that has been on my mind for quite a while, and something that I had repressed time and time again for the past 10 years or so. I have only just started to seriously address it in the past year. If you’re reading this well after I posted it, you can probably already see what this was about, but here it goes, anyway.
I am actually transgender. I know that may come as a huge surprise to most of you, but it’s something that I have been deliberating VERY carefully and sincerely for a decade now, and I know I am happier for it. For the past three years in particular, I have been trying to reconcile all of this by thinking “What if I’m just gay?”, and I thought that worked for a while. It might have seemed like it was working from the outside, but I have actually been dealing with an eating disorder and depression for a long time now. It was only when I started considering the possibility of being trans again did all of that start to go away. It especially started to improve when I got out to Washington, and could start fresh. Being in an environment where people see me for who I am has improved my mental well-being considerably, and I never want to go back.
Another thing that might surprise you is that I've already been doing something about this. I have been in therapy about this for several months now, with different therapists and getting lots of different opinions and help. Moreover, late last October, I started on hormone replacement therapy with the help of a doctor. And you know what? I have never felt better. I can actually feel happy now. Happy for longer than just maybe an hour at a time, and happy not because of something extraordinary, but just because. Plus, I am no longer ashamed of how I look. I can actually look at myself in the mirror again. I no longer feel like there’s something fundamentally, implacably wrong with my body. I no longer feel an overarching sense of dull malaise each day. I feel so much joy whenever I can see myself as a girl, and so much dread when I can’t. Even just hearing my real name from other people brings such a smile to my face. I finally feel… at peace.
Even if you can’t quite understand this, that’s okay. I know that it must seem like a foreign concept to many of you, so I’m not asking you to fully get everything about this right away. What I am asking is something far simpler: Please call me by my real name - Victoria. Also, please use feminine pronouns when referring to me. Even something as simple as that makes a big difference to me.
All that said, I would like to reintroduce myself to you all. My name is Victoria. I am a girl. I am finally happy with who I am. All of you are my friends and family, and you’re very important to me. I just hope that we can continue to be like that. After all, I’m still the same person I always was - I’m just a lot happier for getting a couple of problems fixed. :)