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Francis Moran
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Attended St. Johns College
Lives in USA
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Francis Moran

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I think you'll enjoy this. Whoever wrote it could have been my next door neighbor because it totally described my childhood to a 'T.'  Hope you enjoy it.
Black and White.
Black and White TV
(Under age 45? You won't understand.)
      You could hardly see for all the snow,
Spread the rabbit ears as far as they go.
'Good Night, David.    
Good Night, Chet.'
__________________
Broadway open House, Marcus Welby, MD, Jack Parr Show, 
Amos & Andy! (Just to name a few shows)
My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning.
My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter and I used to eat it raw sometimes, too. Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag, not in ice pack coolers, but I can't remember getting e.coli.
Almost all of us would
Have rather gone swimming in the lake instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then.
The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system.
 We all took gym, not PE... and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Keds (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors.  I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now.
Flunking gym was not  an option... Even for stupid kids! I guess PE must be much harder than gym.
Speaking of school, we all clapped erasers, said prayers and sang the national anthem, and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention.
      We must have had horribly damaged psyches. What an archaic health system we had then. 
 
Remember school nurses?    Ours wore a hat and everything.
I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself.
I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, 
X-box or 270 digital      TV cable stations.                                                    
Oh yeah... And where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed!
We played 'king of the hill' on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites, and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48-cent bottle of mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn't sting like iodine did) and then we got our butt spanked.         
Now it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $99 bottle of antibiotics, and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.         
We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either; because if we did we got our butt spanked there and then we got our butt spanked again when we got home.         
I recall Donny Reynolds from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop, just before he fell off.
Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house.
Instead, she picked him up and swatted him for being such a goof. It was a neighborhood run amuck.         
To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family.
How could we possibly have known that?
We needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes.
We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn't even
notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac!
How did we ever survive? 
LOVE TO ALL OF US WHO SHARED THIS ERA; AND TO ALL WHO DIDN'T, SORRY FOR WHAT YOU MISSED. I WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING!
Pass this to someone and remember that life's most simple pleasures are very often the best.
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BRITISH HUMOUR IS DIFFERENT
These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little b****.
Bites!

FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
 
** And the WINNER is... **
 
FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

Statement of the Century
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly."If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"
 
 
Children Are Quick
__________________________________
 
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
__________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
______________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
____________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a goodcook.
____________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's..
Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
 
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
_________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
________________________________
PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH 
Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off
 
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Love the accent. Pretty good speech too. 
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walt d
 
Too bad she wasn't in it. 
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HOW THE INTERNET STARTED, ACCORDING TO THE BIBLE.
( PLEASE DO NOT GOOGLE THIS ONE OR CHECK WITH ANYONE ELSE.  THEY WILL ONLY LIE TO YOU!)
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy (Dot for short).  Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"  And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"

And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way
with the drums.  And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew.  It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew to The People (HTTP).

And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.  And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land.

Indeed, he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.  And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." 

And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known, and he said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."  And Dot replied, "How about Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators?"

"YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

That is how it all began. And that's the truth. I would not make up this stuff. 
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WOW !!!!!!!!!!!
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Watch how Bandit enters the truck unhesitatingly. Watch his gratitude. Providence has placed in all creatures the knowledge of and gratitude for love given and received. 
 ·  Translate
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Francis Moran

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Enjoy .....
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I prefer the dog to the nitwit in the tower who sounds like he's being castrated with pliers and a very dull knife ...  Hilarious 
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Subject: The bronze rat
A Tourist walked into a Chinese curio shop in San Francisco . While looking around at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized, bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he must have it. He took it to the old shop owner and asked, "How much for the bronze rat ?"
 
"Ahhh, you have chosen wisely! It is $12 for the rat and $100 for the story," said the wise old Chinaman.
 
The tourist quickly pulled out twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story".
 
As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, the tourist noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had begun following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting so he began walking faster.
 
A couple blocks later he looked behind him and saw to his horror the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.
 
Sweating now, the tourist began to trot toward San Francisco Bay .
 
Again, after a couple blocks, he looked around only to discover that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.
 
Terrified, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far as he could into the Bay.
 
Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat and were all drowned.
 
The man walked back to the curio shop in Chinatown .
 
"Ahhh," said the owner, "You come back for story ?"
 
"No sir," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze Democrat.
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H King
 
How about a bronze Muslim and illegal ;-)
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Subject: In case you need a laugh
 
 
 
 
A young man with his pants hanging half off his ass,
two gold front teeth & a half inch thick gold chain around his neck,
walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.
 
He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi.
You know, I just HATE drawing welfare.
I'd really rather have a job.
I don't like taking advantage of the  System,
getting something for nothing."
 
The social worker behind the counter said
"Your timing is excellent.
We just   got a job opening from a very wealthy old man
who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his 2016 Mercedes-Benz CL &
he will supply all of your clothes."
 
"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.
You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips.
This is rather awkward but you will also have to satisfy her sexual urges
as the daughter is in her 20's and has a strong sex drive.
 
The guy, wide-eyed, said, ...."You're bullshittin' me???"
 
The social worker said,... "Yeah, well . . . you started it."
 
  
 
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 Retiree  Mental Fitness Evaluation
 
 

This test is to  ascertain your mental state now. If you get one right you are
doing ok, if you get none right you better go for counseling.
(I'll meet you  there.)
 

There are 4 test questions. 
Don’t miss one.
 

  
Giraffe  Test
 
1.    How  do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
Stop and think about it and decide on your answer before you  scroll down.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
The  correct answer:
Open the refrigerator,  put in the giraffe, and close the door.
This question tests whether you  tend to do simple things in an overly complicated  way.

 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
Elephant  Test

 
 
2.    How  do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? 


  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Did you say, Open the  refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the  refrigerator?
 Wrong Answer.

 
 
 

Correct Answer:
Open the  refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the  door. 
This tests your ability to think through the repercussions  of your previous actions.
 
 
 
 
 


 
       Lion  King Test

3.    The Lion King  is hosting an Animal Conference. 
All the animals attend ... except  one.
Which animal does not attend?

 

  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Correct  Answer:
The  Elephant.  The elephant is in the refrigerator. 
You just put him in there.  This tests your memory.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Okay, even if you  did not answer the first three questions correctly,
you still have one  more chance to show your true abilities.

 
  
Crocodile  Test

  
 
4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles,
and you do not have a boat. 
How do you manage it?
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Correct  Answer:
You jump into the river and swim across. 
Haven’t you been lis-ten-ing?
All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Conference. 
This tests whether  you learn quickly from your mistakes.
  
 
 
 

According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide
,
around 90% of the Retirees they tested got all questions wrong,
but many preschoolers got several correct answers. 
Anderson Consulting says this conclusively proves the theory
that most Retirees do not have the brains of a four-year-old.

Send this out to  frustrate all of your smart friends..
    
PS: Just the fact that I sent  it to you should make you feel good
 
 
 
 
 
 
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A new Lord’s Prayer
 
 
BY A 15-year-old SCHOOL KID who got an A+ for this entry    
(TOTALLY AWESOME)!    
The Lord's Prayer Is not allowed in most    
US Public schools any more.    
A kid in Minnesota, wrote the following    
   
   
NEW School Prayer:    
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    
Now I sit me down in school    
Where praying is against the rule    
For this great nation under God    
Finds mention of Him very odd.    
   
If scripture now the class recites,    
It violates the Bill of Rights.    
And anytime my head I bow    
Becomes a Federal matter now.    
   
Our hair can be purple, orange or green,    
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene..    
The law is specific, the law is precise.    
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.    
   
For praying in a public hall    
Might offend someone with no faith at all..    
In silence alone we must meditate,    
God's name is prohibited by the State..    
   
We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,    
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks...    
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.    
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.    
   
We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,    
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.    
It's 'inappropriate' to teach right from wrong,    
We're taught that such 'judgments' do not belong..    
   
We can get our condoms and birth controls,    
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles...    
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,    
No word of God must reach this crowd.    
   
It's scary here I must confess,    
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.    
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:    
Should I be shot; My soul please take!    
Amen    
   
 
Stealing someone's coffee
is called a mugging.
 
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sad that it has come to this. God bless this young person.
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In his circles
677 people
Education
  • St. Johns College
    Philosophy, 1965 - 1968
Basic Information
Gender
Male
Story
Tagline
Retired. Veteran. Justice of the Peace.
Work
Employment
  • reitred
    present
Places
Map of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has lived
Currently
USA
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Was out looking for place near ocean for good piece of fish. Stumbled on this place &"plain" atmosphere made it seem welcoming. Unfortunately landed on day when a friend of owner showed up w/ his significant other. Felt pretty much ignored. Fish & chips were nice. Owner acted like I should thank God for this particular piece of fish they had gotten up at 4:00 a.m. to have. Fries were prepared as requested. Cole slaw tasted homemade. Could have been more. Would have been if they had skipped lettuce bed serving no purpose. Same w/ fish. Still portions ok. Price VERY unreasonable. No senior discount. Don't take credit cards but have independent ATM. So they won't pay for card fee but they'll let you pay. All in all very disappointing. Guess it's a place for the owner's pals who like loud place that makes them feel they're at Mel's Diner. I won't be back.
• • •
Food: GoodDecor: Poor - FairService: Poor - Fair
Public - 3 years ago
reviewed 3 years ago
Root canal/crown. Expensive but not unreasonable (I suppose). Aloof dentist. Thought it would last longer. Not certain that it was the best work. Certainly not as good as others I've had. Returned for assistance and thought effort would be made to assist. Very little. Never saw dentist, just assistant. Minimal "correction" done. Was expected to pay for minor work to correct their work of just a few years earlier. Owner's wife (?) was upset that I got dental hygiene treatment at senior discount public health facility. Would not recommend this office at all. Too cold.Very nice when one agrees with them. Not when one objects at all.
• • •
Public - 4 years ago
reviewed 4 years ago
2 reviews
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