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Jamul C. Smith
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My little cousin!!!

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Astro-archaeologist Conrad Yeats shares the secret history of the Washington Monument from his secret government white paper.


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Just finished up.

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This is your chance to win a free Google Glass! All you have to do is:

+1 and SHARE this post, then join the giveaway here:

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Trick or treat time!

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OSU 34 - Iowah-wah-wah 24 !
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Operation Pretentious, Meaningless Accomplishment

The past half year has been an interesting period for Central Ohio Enlightened agents. With many players long since Level 8 and no new missions added to Ingress, we have had to invent new accomplishments for ourselves, while simultaneously motivating ourselves to continue playing once these goals were achieved.

We had long moved past the era of flash Level 8 parties, turning them into Level 8 harvests across entire swaths of Columbus that lasted months at a time. We repelled attack after attack, to the point that our strategic superiority was blamed on "agent density." Despite even numbers across the region (or even lower numbers on our side) we had successfully held down the opposition from holding Level 8 portals for even a full day. We challenged ourselves to see how many high-level portals we could make across Columbus. And then we challenged ourselves to make the discrepancy between our portals and their portals as large as possible. We made giant fields, many lasting for more than 480 seconds . We tasked ourselves with making an arbitrarily high number of fields in one night. We wiped all blue fields from the area. We eradicated all blue portals level 7 or higher from the map. In short, we had established dominance in Columbus. And there was much rejoicing.

Yet there were also issues.

We have contended with some negative situations in the area. We have witnessed a growing number of non-legitimate opposition DROP into our zone. We have witnessed attacks on empty streets and empty cemeteries. We have witnessed deliberate attempts to remove stronghold portals from the game through shady methods. Many times we discouraged our teammates from quitting the game due to these situations, though we felt hollow doing so. Since we accomplished most of what you could in the game and we were fighting an unfair battle anyway, how do you convince your teammates it's worth the effort to continue?

We leaned on community. We had developed a fondness and camaraderie unseen since the days of the KGB. Then, through the discovery of agent skyssx of a #sitrep  on this very site, we learned to lean on absurdity and invention.

Let me set the scene a bit. We started to see humorous operation reports from the area - reports filled with gross inaccuracies and fanciful invention. We realized one could simply invent any achievements desired and post them to this page and the world would never question it! We started to craft missions that would sound preposterous to the world at large, simply to see if we could get away with them. You can only kick a dead horse so many times, so this fun, too, quickly faded.

Agent skyssx then noted a report of a mission that created the world's first Level 9 portal. As we all know, Level 9 does not exist yet in our game. We all thought this mission was completely pretentious and meaningless. But then we realized that it actually fit our "make up crazy stuff" mission goals, while simultaneously actually being "real." The agents in mind were theoretically Level 9 by the current point structures.

With absolutely nothing left to accomplish as a team in Columbus, we decided to task ourselves with creating the world's first Level 10 portal. We did not have eight agents at 4.8 million points when we conceived the notion, but we knew a sizable crop was nearing the mark. Five agents reached the plateau within days of each other and suddenly we had not just eight, but 10 Level 10 agents.

Since all but one Columbus Enlightened member is composed of working adults, we knew the toughest part about this mission would be to simply pick a time and place. We wanted to leave no one out, but our members were spread across the city. Since it was for history, we knew we had to do it right. Several attempts were made to coordinate. None of us is a high school or college kid, so time was a major factor. It's one thing to get eight people together to make Level 8 portals. It's another thing when those people have to be a specific set of players. Attempt one fizzled. Attempt to never materialized. Finally, we set to a plan that seemed destined to happen.

At one point we wondered if we could scrape eight of us together. But the stars (future pun intended) aligned and suddenly all 10 people could be there! We decided to make a trip to Polaris for the historic portal. The North Star was a fitting spot to crown another Enlightened first in Columbus.

The Players

MattyMojo - 14+ million AP
billbishere - 11+ million AP 
VaguelyRandom - 10+ million AP
blandestk - 8+ million AP
TableFlipper 8+ million AP
widow - 6+ million AP
qluxe - 6+ million AP
UpwardSpiral - 5+ million AP
ladybee - 5+ million AP
Brakus - 5+ million AP

We met for food, beverages, and jolliness beforehand with over 25 members of our community. We burned out some Level 8 portals for good measure. When all the Level 10 agents were in place, we held a special lottery to determine the owners of our first four Level 10 Portals. Agents VaguelyRandom, widow, ladybee, and Brakus were the lucky contestants, though Brakus ceded his winning ticket to MattyMojo. We gathered around the North Star, snapped some photographs for posterity, used an ADA on our own Level 8 portal, smashed it to pieces, and waited for MattyMojo to claim the portal. Once his resonator graced that lucky portal, the rest of us followed suit.

Before our eyes stood a gleaming moment of perfection: the world's first Level 10 portal.

We made the other three portals in the immediate area Level 10 as well. VaguelyRandom, ladybee, and widow can all say they have owned a Level 10 portal. It is a pantheon few will ever enter.

The crowd erupted in a roar of applause. Some community members were even seen weeping at the moment. Not since Enlightened Agent screamingnaked hit Level 8 had such tears of joy been shed. It was a touching display of talent, dedication, and love for the game. In a word: paragon.

We reentered the pub to finish the night's revelry. For one night, the stagnation, the impropriety, the tedium, and the falsities were all behind us. For one evening we were a completely united community, relishing in the opportunity to share rarefied air with such worthy combatants. Many backs were slapped, many highs were fived, and the servers were tipped fantastically.

Was this 100% the world's first Level 10 portal? Who knows! Even if it's not, if my sitrep says it is, it must be! We are confident it is the first. If it's not the world's first, it's the first in the USA. If it's not the first in the USA, it's the first in Ohio. If it's not the first in Ohio then we sure as heck know it's the first in Columbus. But forever from this day onward, October 11, 2013 shall be known as the day that Columbus Enlightened brought the world its first Level 10 portal. (We also destroyed the first Level 10 portal, as we used an ADA on our own Level 10 and brought it down, just to notch another first!)

What now? Who knows! Short of seeing an influx of new game objectives and stronger opposition, we will most likely continue to invent absurd, pretentious, meaningless goals for ourselves. Deep down, the Level 10 portal really means nothing: it was our love for each other that served as a guiding Polaris for us. No lethargy, boredom, or impropriety can ever take that from us!

We stand as an enlightened group in solidarity and we are proud to bring another first to the greens!

(special photographic thanks goes to agents Vritas and phreddie!)

+Brandon Badger 
+Joe Philley 
+Matt Moore 
+Bill Bynum 
+John L. Voegeli
+kevin king  
+Jamul Smith 
+Ilya Kruglov 
+Frank Deck 
+Debi Stout 
+Myles Stanton 
+Eric Hansen 
+Phred Doolittle 
+Travis Fleak 
+Jacob Antoun 
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