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Imran Saifi

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there is the day when. mei ghar chhd kar jaa rha thaa and mujhe yakeen hai ki agar thoda kuch hot toh mei hamesha ke liye bhi ghar chohd kar jaa sakta thaa aur ye bahut hi jyada possible hai ki mei mara jaata kisi bhhi chiis sei. yaha mera parivar hai jo ki aisa hai ki meri aakho mei aasu, seene mei golia, they hurt me so badly, jukge me and do hell to me bahut hi jyada se jyada se jyada hai kyuki kaisaa hoga ki agar koi aapke seenei mei har 5 second baad 50 suia chubhae. mei subah 10 baje uthta hoo only the reason subah-subah mummy ke words (mujhe maarte hai unki bihari aur unka accent aur sabkuch) mei bata nhi sakta ki mei kya kar rha hoo and kitni jyada pidayen hoti hai in sab baato sei mujhko aur ye log naa hi samajh payenge aur naa hi samajhna chaahenge ki kya bitetii hai mujhpar ye badi hi durlabh  chiis hai jisko samjhnei ki inke bas ki baat nhi hai. mei bata nhi sakta ki mei kaisa feel kar rha hoo ye aisa hai ki jab koi insaan marnei hi vaala hota hai aur uskei dimag mei aavaje aur vo alvida kehta hai sansar ki har ek vastu sei. aham won't able to tell. how much this is strugglest for me there is what can you do if there is nothing's going to be left. mei kya karu samajh nhi aa rha yeh ek worse feeling hai that i can feeling right now. no love, no hope, no destiny, no purpose, no family, no people around to love, there i am not able to say that what i have nothing. when i born then this is a good environment but after 10 years old i realised that everything i am watching is just a dhokha. now i have  nothing the place where i live is like i am in a balloon and that balloon is small there i can't breathe i make my food with my family inside that balloon and there from outside everyone is pushing me there insects gonna become humans and they are just trynna making my bad all the time i have no words to explain. there in balloon i just wanna live my life i trynna live my life because i am thinking that there is nothing is left but i am living my life.there inside that balloon i am not living my life as good as i can there is persons who judging me, saying that i am doing hell they are doing better, saying i am mad they are so brave, i am doing nothing just wasting my time, they are better so much so  much, the things that i don't like to do they are just hitting my 5senses of body with that, my room is hell for sure for me or i believe there is nothing worse than this these bihari peoples insects hero world bestest pigs are just drilling my eyes with pens and  just burning my soul with the help of ray gun from the future and just shooting bullets to all my rest of body with sometimes with some lik ak-47, revolver, a pistol, k9, or mouser. they are worse i never hoped. i can spent my whole money for get rid of these peoples. i can work for ten years and i kill my ten years if that make me feel relief from these type of peoples. this is hell for me it all just making me weak i feel and i just feel like killing myself from inside there slowly everything that i have left inside my body.there i just can't able to describe that all this is happened to me. i just can't tell that what my life is. you just imagine a world with 3 no. of peoples in your life you like and live your life with. now just imagines there all 3 peoples gotta die. now imagine there is 0 no. of peoples in your life. lastly lately, just do imagined that there 9 peoples are coming who is destroying you from insid whatever is lefe in your life they are destroying you for the purpose of making some steps in own life. how could you feel. and if there is no any way to making things better. how could you feel from inside. this is not a story or joke this is life that sound so beautiful from its own word. i feel hurt so deeper and deeper from every galia she said. galia means bad words.    there is this is my life all the peoples everywhere peoples are surrounded me like air and just judging me like this is last moment they have or i don't have any other chance. there i can't tell how bad they are i just taking drugs using powerful brain wash music and just doing things for making me stronger to resist but what happened when everything is just vanished when you have to play or non-workable at all you won't able to tell this when this happened to you but i am saying because this is my dream life i just wanted to see how strugglest life is. there everything is going to be end with what is my dream in my life but there is i am feeling everything in my body soul mind and in my heart i can't describe more because when that time come peoples take action and in maximum cases they do sucide. i tried to sucide but i am afraid to do this right now because my two different different friends do kill me if thaty can listen to this. they think i am a great man. and their words are worth for me because there is more peoples do say that  i am nothing. ...................................................................................
i think there is peoples in this planet are living own life happily playing and moving forward with own family what i am doing i feel like 3percent of my family that is rest is hoping for my worse how can i imagine my life with my family. there is better to taking a bullet or being mad but i know i am. i'm a survivor and i started this job from 7 years ago and i am a good survivor so that i am still fighting righ now. but there is a limit at which everyone can giveup. i have no words to describe that this is how much hell plus hell plus hell plus hell plus hell plus hell plus hell plus hell plus hell plus hell plus hell plus hell plus hell plus for me. ther is one hell for one person. there is illusion everywhere. i can't see the light. i feel pain that is worse. i wanna say forgive me god for my sins. i wanna say this is so much to my life.  ..........................................................................................
no one is in my family i can trust or i can call when i feel low. there is my zero friends rest who trynna understand me without saying me fool or making me feel a real noone or mad. there is no one.  
i too just wanna see dreams but not possible for me i lost everything .
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