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Tracy Wilkins
Blowing minds at least once a day since 1986!
Blowing minds at least once a day since 1986!

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Friends, they are soon voting on a terrifying new bill that will permit the INDEFINITE detention of US Citizens WITHOUT charge or due process. It is very real and very scary. Learn more and then PLEASE call your Representatives.

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I always used to heat them in the toaster oven...makes a world of difference.
This post is about this frozen box of pretzels I bought yesterday, which can allegedly be heated to perfection in the microwave, dusted with salt (that comes in a handy packet and everything) and then enjoyed the way one enjoys a pretzel that does not suck.

What. A. Load.

Seriously, I don't think there's enough beer and mustard on the planet to make this pretzel -- which is more chewy unsatisfying lump of salty dough than what is traditionally understood to be a pretzel -- enjoyable.

But it's sitting here, on my desk, looking all sad and lumpy and pathetic, one bite taken out of it, almost apologetic. If this pretzel-like thing could talk, it would probably say, "Hey, man, I'm sorry. When I was at the pretzel place where they make pretzels, I came out of the oven and I was perfect. I was warm, I had that pretzel thing going where the outside of me is slightly thicker than regular crust, so the inside of me was all soft and kind of lighter than regular bread, but when they froze me and put me into the box, well, something just died inside of me, man."

I feel like I should apologize to the pretzel for hating it so much -- it's not entirely its fault that it sucks as much as it does -- but unlike everything else that surrounds me, this particular inanimate object doesn't seem interested in having a conversation with me that I can transcribe. Uh, beyond the , uh, one prepared statement, I guess.

I guess it's my own fault for ignoring a lifetime of disappointing microwavable bread products and ignoring the sage advice of my wife, who said, "That's going to suck, and you're going to be pissed that you bought it, and you keep complaining about feeling tubby so why are you eating pretzels, anyway?"

I guess the moral of the story is: don't go shopping when you're hungry.

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Brilliant and simple.
Thoughts of change:

- Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.
- Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.
- Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.
- Write poetry.

- Love deeply.
- Walk barefoot.
- Dance with wild abandon.
- Cry at the movies.
- Take care of yourself. Don't wait for someone to take care of you.

Go for the win.

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A brilliant idea! I want to do it. Who's in?
Found on Facebook. This is a great Halloween idea!

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Hey! Internets! There are SO many millions of you out there, one of you MUST be able to explain this to me. ...anyone?

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Shocking and utterly heartbreaking. I had no idea of the scale of this.

And this: Taiwan Shark Fishery Images Underline Global Threat | Pew

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I think the vending machine metaphor is absolutely brilliant! (And funny.)

+Rae Hoffman +London Hampshire

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...Seriously, Mississippi?

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...Really? I had no idea this was a common practice. Did you?
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