JUNE 7, 2012
Struggling to Fill No. 2 Post, Al-Qaeda Resorts to LinkedIn
Desperate Times for Terror Group’s HR Dept.
KARACHI (The Borowitz Report) – President Barack Obama has created one job that is proving difficult to fill: the No. 2 post at al-Qaeda.
That’s what they’re saying at the global terror group, whose Human Resources department has recently turned to the social networking site LinkedIn in hopes of filling the slot.
“It used to be that madmen would just walk through the door hoping for a crack at seventy-two virgins,” says Hassad el-Medfaii, director of HR for al-Qaeda. “Now we have to go looking for these guys, and they all want dental.”
Complicating the terror group’s recruitment efforts for the tricky-to-fill No. 2 position: the recent publicity about President Obama’s so-called “kill list,” which the HR director calls “a big turn-off for a lot of applicants.”
“I’ve had to sit down with them and tell them that the kill list has been totally overblown,” he says. “No one’s talking about the list of all the people they’ve missed. It’s way longer.”
Mr. el-Medfaii says that he has spent a lot of time on LinkedIn over the last week “trying to spread the good news about working for al-Qaeda.”
“This is a great job for anyone who likes to travel, especially back and forth between Pakistan and Afghanistan,” he says. “Plus – and I’m really trying to get the word out about this – we have one of the biggest caches of porn in the world.”
While he says that he has found some “promising candidates” on LinkedIn for the No. 2 position at al-Qaeda, he and his staff are taking extra care in vetting resumes.
“We don’t want to find ourselves in the same kind of mess Yahoo is in,” he says
Repost this everywhere if you please.
Ray was the last living member of a “BACH” quartet — writers who transformed science fiction from a pulp magazine ghetto into a genre for hardcover best-sellers. Isaac Asimov, Arthur Clarke and Robert Heinlein helped shatter barriers for the rest of us, establishing the legitimacy of literature that explores possible or plausible tomorrows. But it was Bradbury who made clear to everyone that science fiction can be art. An art form combining boldness and broad horizons with sheer, unadulterated beauty.
And love. Ray always spoke of it. Love of possibilities and imagination. Love of language, the rolling of phrases off tongue and pen. Also hope, without which, love is sterile.
For those that aren't aware, there's a student who attends an ISP school. He's been receiving constant bullying from groups of other students simply because of his race and sexual preference. Since last October, his mother filed 10 complaints with the principal and school board asking for help in the matter.
IPS simply put their head in the sand over the matter. They did nothing which further encouraged the bullying. Finally, the mother gave her son a taser to take to school. Shortly thereafter, the student was surrounded by 10 students who threatened his physical safety. The student then pulled out the taser, pointed it straight up in the air and fired. The bullies ran away.
The student then entered the school and sat down in a chair in a classroom. Shortly thereafter, The police responded and arrested the student. He is facing criminal charges as well as disciplinary action from the school.
We do not agree with bullying for any reason. Across the country students are commiting suicide because of bullying. We should not tolerate this. Let's make a change here that matters.
Please attend the rally. Power in number will greatly help this issue. Thank you.
Address of rally point:
Veterans Memorial Plaza
501 N Meridian St.
Indianapolis, IN 46204
Occupy Indianapolis - Anti-Bullying Rally
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