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Paul O'Neil
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Paul O'Neil

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Think my 20 month old daughter wants to be a Maori warrior. She's shouting, sticking her tongue out and squatting up and down. 
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Mine is down and wife back, time for coffee then the sack. Hope it goes quick at Andy. Speak soon fella.
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Paul O'Neil

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50 Shades of Chav:
As i saw him walking towards me with his pasty white arms hangin out of his lonsdale vest his socks tucked in his trackies, commin out of the job centre. I felt a warm sensation runnin down my legs soakin my pyjama bottoms which i had been wearin all day leavin a tell tale sign in the crotch. I didnt mind they were goin in the wash in a few days time any way. That evening i cooked him his fave tea pot noodle and a Greggs pasty. As we sat down to watch the repeat of jezza kyle, i smelt that sweet smell that always turned me on, weed, B.O and lynx Africa. As i looked at him wanting him and yearnin for him, he spoke them immortal words i loved to hear "Who you lookin at ya daft cow?". I knew right there nd then i wanted 4 kids with him straight afta 1 nd other. They would be called Beyonce, Usher, Eminem and Kerry - Katona. As he laid on the settee burpin nd fartin. I knew i was in love (via Sheryl Mccoy)
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Off for 11 days. Lovely jubbly. 
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My humblest apologies Google + I keep forgetting you. Wish their was an app to incorporate twitter,Facebook and this. 
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Going shopping to the Metrocentre. Must be bloody mad. Hope their are no slow people or they're getting knocked over. Man on a Christmas mission. 
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Think my daughter has finally gone......where's that bloody vino!
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Lying in bed wondering how the hell have I developed fleshy tits. 
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Just had another cracking facial off the wife, now I look 5 years younger......so that's 21 then ;) Could've nodded off it was that relaxing. 
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Can't wait to get it on Wednesday!
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I think a small animal has crawled into the little ones nappy and started to decompose. That is one violent assault on the nostrils. 
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Paul O'Neil

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Just looked at my spam folder. Have about 20 emails from Best Penis. Reckon I'll delete them as am more than happy with the one I've got. 
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Paul O'Neil

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