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Tareq Mahmud
193 followers -
Technology Enthusiast founder and CEO of Fowara, LLC
Technology Enthusiast founder and CEO of Fowara, LLC

193 followers
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Yes, I Actually Hit <Send>

Actual e-mail from recruiter:

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Hi.

Our firm "Prime buy store" has found your CV in CareerBuilder database and consider you are a perfect candidate for this job which we offer.

Position name is: Mailing Assistant.

General job requirements:

* Ability to pick up packages weighing up to 30lbs.
* Ability to print and scan documents
* Knowledge of such programs as Adobe Acrobat Reader and Microsoft Office
* Basic knowledge of the computer

If you suppose that you can meet these basic job requirements and are interested in joining our company as a well-paid Mailing Assistant, please contact us through e-mail.

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My Reply:

Dear ______,

Why, thank you for the thoughtful offer. Of course I would love to apply for the position of Mailing Assistant.

I believe I am ideally qualified for the position. As a three-time Computerworld / Smithsonian nominee for Achievements in Information Technology, I believe that I possess unique skills in copy and fax machine operation that place me ahead of the pack. As an entrepreneur who has started three different successful companies, I have repeatedly demonstrated my capability to lift packages well in excess of thirty (30) pounds. With my proven skills in Microsoft .NET C# / VB.NET, Java, PHP, SQL Server, MySQL, NoSQL, CouchDB, Lotus Domino, MQ Series, cloud computing, data warehousing and systems integration, I believe that I can come up to speed in Acrobat Reader and Microsoft Office, provided I don't have to use PowerPoint often because PowerPoint fucking pisses me off.

My compensation and workplace requirements for the position of Mailing Assistant are $165K/year, with full benefits, 6 weeks of annual vacation effective immediately upon hiring, a high-wall corner office with a view, a new 15" MacBook Pro for travel and a Commodore C64 with 5.25" floppy disk and direct-coupled modem as a desktop machine, and an administrative assistant of my choosing. Preferably blonde.

I look forward to hearing back from you!

Best Regards,
Rip Rowan

PS: I should fucking buy CareerBuilder and burn that piece of shit to the ground. What a waste of valuable electricity.

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Trying out Google Plus pages... Is it worth it?

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Trying out Google Plus Page... Is it worth it?

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