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In Which I Singlehandedly Solve Omer Asik's Nickname Connundrum

The biggest crisis coming out of the Houston Rocket's pre-season exhibition matches has not been Jeremy Lin's alarming lack of athleticism. No, their biggest concern is the lack of a suitable nickname for their off-season acquisition, center Omer Asik (pronounces ASH-ik). While his teammates are content simply to call Omer the Big O, the wise and learned Rockets' announcers have refused to capitulate to this most egregious faux pax, noting that there is and ever will be only one Big O: Oscar Robinson.

Hoping to be of some assistance to our poor immigrant friend, who may yet be unfamiliar with our cultural milieu, I've stepped in to generate three possible alternate nicknames for Omer, in the hope that both the old and the new school might be appeased, and that Omer's transition dunks might be rightly immortalized with an appropriately noble bball moniker. Without further ado I give you my entries into the Omer Asik nickname impasse:

The Big Ohm
Turkey's connection with Buddhism has been long chronicled. In fact, some say that the true place of Buddha's tree of enlightenment was actually on the border of Turkey and Syria. For his part, Asik's commitment to Buddhism and non-violence is well-known. His nickname should be nothing if not a reflection of his spiritual path, thus his possible nick, the Big Ohm.

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The Destroyer
Everyone knows that Omer is just Remo spelled backwards and that Asik's mother named him after the most famous Remo in history: Remo Williams of The Destroyer book and movie fame (Remo Williams Trailer) in the hopes that he too might achieve the kind of notoriety and physical mastery that the legendary Remo Williams learns from mysterious Chiun, the last master of Sinaju. Though Omer has acquired an Asian side kick, it's unclear whether the pairing will be as successful as the original Remo's was.

Mega-Judge
The most notable thing that hits one upon first gazing at Omer is his striking resemblance to legendary American cinema star Judge Reinhold. While Reinhold's contribution to American film can't be captured in words alone, his rugged visage has been burned into the memories of teen girls across the country if not across the globe. That Turkey has produced a Reinhold doppelganger, whose talents include searingly good looks, foppish hair and the ability to run the floor in transition is unheard of. At nearly 7 feet, Omer is nothing if not a mega-Judge, and the only unfortunate byproduct of this nickname may be the inevitable reverse nickname, whereby the inimitable Mr. Reinhold becomes micro-Asik.
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9 comments
 
I really thought it was beneath you to contribute to this every athlete needs a nickname plaque. Tisk, tisk.
 
I didn't know there was a plaque! I brush regularly! At least once a week!
 
It's true, but dental health has always been important to me.
 
Back to the lecture at hand, why does Asik need a nickname again?
 
He doesn't. I saw an opportunity for amusement and took it...AND I'M NOT SORRY I DID!!!! IT WAS WORTH IT! IT WAS ALL WORTH IT!
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