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Kevin Boyd
St. Louis born Artist living in Cincinnati, who loves his Wife, Cardinals Baseball, Craft Beers, Comic Books, Star Wars, Gaming and all other assorted Geekery
St. Louis born Artist living in Cincinnati, who loves his Wife, Cardinals Baseball, Craft Beers, Comic Books, Star Wars, Gaming and all other assorted Geekery

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Most disturbing encounter I have ever written, came to me in a dream last night. #dungeonsanddragons

The Ogres Cave
As the party moves up the path the come across numerous effigies made of sticks and Bones (Check reveals them to be human, dwarf, and dragonborn bones). 
As the party makes its way past the totems the path begins to widen, there is a clearing ahead. On the far side of the clearing a large stone face of a cliff-side can be seen rising out of the forest. There is a smell of rotten meat and something cooking, it is not a pleasant aroma. 
From the edge of the forest the party can see a cave entrance with many large heavy animal skins covering most of it.
Piles of bones and more effigies can be seen ringing the clearing, they all appear to be humanoid.   
A fat female Ogre, fat even by Ogre standards, is standing over a large crudely made metal cooking pot. The pot is suspended, secured by hooks hanging from four large wooden poles, over a roaring fire.  She is using a large flat fallen stone covered in filth and dried blood as a make shift meal preparation area. She walks back and forth between the pot and the table, chopping various types of roots and fungus with a gigantic cleaver and throwing them into the boiling pot.  
A guttural howl, followed by a rhythmic series of loud grunts starts to emanate from within the cave. The Ogre quickly makes her way to the cave entrance and falls to her knees, arms extended and head bowed to the ground, just outside the cave entrance. 
From behind the skins, steps an even larger, fatter if that was even possible, male Ogre.  He stands head back, arms stretched wide, he carries an ornately carved wooden staff in his right hand, he is chanting incoherently to the sky. The large male Ogre is dressed in what can only be described as wizard cloak made from dead animal skins, well mostly animal skins that has been very poorly died purple. His enormous gut protrudes out from behind the cloak. He also wears a finely crafted purple, large brimmed hat, which is far too small for his head. Tassels of knuckle bones, teeth, and bone beads have been added to the hat, they dangle from the brim and into his eyes. 
The Female Ogre, surprisingly nimble for someone of her size, springs to her feet and retrieves a large bone from one of the many piles littered around the area and places it gingerly on the table, she giggles and retrieves her sharpest knife. Smiling a toothy yellow grin, she bows to her mate and shuffles around to the far side of the table.
The Male Ogre stomps over to the table, throws his makeshift wizard robes back with a flourish, and with the staff grasped in both hands, he raises it above his head and quickly brings it down in a chopping motion, but pulls up at the last second and only lightly touches it to the bone on the table. He yells a command word and there is a bright flash of chromatic light and instantaneously a green swirling mist erupts from the ends of the bone, the swirling mist engulfs the bone and begins to grow. As the mist grows and grows the Ogres start chanting Dwarf! Dwarf! Dwarf!  The mist starts to form into the shape of a humanoid, within a few seconds a fully formed, 6 foot tall, naked, human male is laying on the table where the bone used to be. The ogres look disappointed but only momentarily.
As the man becomes more aware he attempts to leap from the table, but the male Ogre quickly pounces on him and holds him prone. The man screams “NO! NO! Please Not Again! Why!? Why!?” The female Ogre deftly slices the man from groin to chest and quickly starts removing fists full of organs and entrails. The man screams “Why!? Why!?” and falls silent.

If the party intervenes and saves the man, he was an Elf named Tumbruel at least that is what he thinks it was, he was/is a Wizard, although he is now quite mentally damaged, and does not remember much of anything else but being killed every day, over and over for the past...he trails off and says he does not remember exactly when it happened, could have been years ago at this point.  He was making his way to the Magic Fountain at the Monastery on the Hill and he was waylaid and captured by the male Ogre. 
A gust of wind had taken his favorite hat right off his head, he was not paying attention while trying to recover it and stupidly stepped right into a pit trap. When he awoke the Ogre was just about to eat him when he made the Ogre the perfect offer “In exchange for his life, unlimited food forever!” 

Tumbruel was very pleased with himself, it was the most perfect and flawless offering to any Ogre ever, a source of limitless food. He explained to the Ogre he was a mighty Wizard and in exchange for his life he would trade the Ogre his magic staff, which has the power of reincarnation. The Ogre would never have to set traps or hunt again, all he had to do was find a single scrap or a bone from any creature and he could magically create another creature that he could then eat. Tumbruel went on to explain there were plenty of forest creatures running around and that all the Ogre had to do was kill one and he would be set for life. The Ogre agreed and released the Wizard, but once Tumbruel taught the Ogre the command word he saw the gaping hole in his flawless plan. 

Added Absurdity -  
The Ogre eventually forgot how he got his power to make food magically appear. He decided that he must be a “Warzerd” of some kind, he had heard that word once before somewhere and he must have been chosen by the gods for great things. His chosen status was solidified by the fancy purple hat that had appeared in his cave, even though it was quite plain and needed some adornments, it was obviously a gift from the heavens.  

The Ogre eventually found a mate, which was easy for an ogre who could magically make food, and she also agreed he must be some sort of chosen-one sent by the gods, and treated him as such. She was much worldlier than he and had seen a “Warzerd” once before. He carried a staff, donned a funny hat, and wore flowing robes with sparkly bits around the edges; he tasted good as she remembers. So using berries for dye and the hides of anything should could find she crafted her mate a fine set of “Warzerd” robes.

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Kevin Boyd commented on a post on Blogger.
Make Zombie-isim a disease, like the walking dead. If bitten have to find a cure within X number of days or turn into a zombie. 
Of course any Cleric worth his salt can cure. :) 

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How to know when using DIV, ARTICLE, SECTION, etc. with the #HTML5 element flowchart

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How many people are tired of every third post being some kind of poll? #ironic  
302 votes
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Corgy puppy awesome show.
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Very cool.
Thanks Polygon for mentioning #CriticalRole "Dungeons & Dragons is booming online, but not in the way you think"
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