NPOSIALPU's June 2013 prophecy on Max Clifford came true. But poetic problems at The Slovenia Times meant deleting this important historical dialectical material celebrating the visit of Prince Eddie and the "Countess of Essex"...


From unvajazzled patch Slovene, I cawllw
On Liz's TOWIE fave dor-er-in-law,
Who representin' Clacton to Chigwellw
Willw prove to awl the Woyals are normalw.
'Er purpus 'ere, er, dunno wot it's fowr,
They's Iphones: 'ope to be regalewd
Wiv news Max Clifford and Rebekah Wade woz jailewd.

Let Harlow drink, and Canvey Island blast,
Not pullin' 'ere, I need more Shoeburyness -
More Essex gelws, 2 end my sexshuwelw fast,
Wivaht ta-oo, wewl fi', 'er zone smokeless;
Wha'evva the test, I 'ope our noo Countess
Has one lady-in-waitin' or handmayde:
Loves ridin', furry bawlls, an' lemonade.

My lupine howl commemorating this royal hover is based on Troilus And Criseyde by Geoffrey Chaucer, verses 1 and 3.

The Old English of Chaucer is not the same as Essex English and you can check that here: and here:

For a technical explanation of the stanzas

For a technical explanation of the Countess of Wessex - according to aristocratic protocol Essex only has Duchesses, Pearly Queens and various barons - see

The National Poet Of Slovenia In A Language People Understand is hoping for a royal appointment.
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