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Funny Poems for Kids
Hilariously funny but slightly subversive poems for kids
Hilariously funny but slightly subversive poems for kids


Apologies for the mild expletive - I hope you’ll think it was worth it the pursuit of mirth!

The Fire Officer’s Inspection

The fire officer did his inspection today
And he asked me “In the event of a fire,
Tell me what steps would you take?"
I replied "Bloody big ones" squire
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Another entry for our Winter Poetry competition, written by Subhan, who is aged 9 and lives in Birmingham. Subhan is Erum’s younger brother; it’s clear a poetic streak runs in the family.

A Snowy Day In The Mountain

Walking across the snow,
With my hands deep and low.
So and so I see a crow, flying in winters snow.
At the edge of a cliff,
I take a big sniff of ice cold air.
Then I'm shaking,
Like my mum's saying,
Don’t let the frostbite, bite you tight.
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We’re not exactly been snowed under by entries for our Winter Poetry Competition, but the ones we’ve received had all been brilliant!

The latest entry is by Erum, who is 11 years old and lives in Birmingham. ‘A Day in the Barn’ brings together a love of horses and our winter theme in a poem which I think is amazingly assured. What do you think?

by Erum

Hoof prints in the snow,
Up 'n away we go!

Horsey Horsey don’t you stop,
I like the way you clippoty clop,

Your mane goes swish,
'n your tail goes swoosh,
Horsey horsey don’t you stop.

The rider in the saddle goes up down,
Up down, up down in the trot!

Groomed by the groomer,
Coat shining bright,
Just like stars in the night!

Tucked away warm and tight,
As snow glistens through the night.

Sweet dreams, dear horsey, and sleep tight,
Don’t let the snow frost bite!

Tucked up cozy, I'll see you tomorrow,
Lookin forward to another day in the snow.

Sweet dreams, dear horsey,
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A logical conundrum which might set your head spinning.

Close Shave

Why is it when?
Two planes almost hit
It’s called a near miss?
That doesn’t fit
It should actually
Be called a near hit?
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I’m certainly not suggesting that you follow the extreme behaviour displayed in Paul’s poem, either praying or thieving.

Childish Prayer

When I was a boy I prayed to God
For a new bike for me
Then I realized that God
Doesn’t work like that you see
So I stole one instead
And asked him to forgive me
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Do you find any of your relatives scary? Oddly, a terrifying aunt can be really useful, as we discover in Paul’s poems.

Display Caution
by Paul Curtis

We keep a picture of Auntie Grace
On the shelf above the fireplace
Health and safety is our only desire
As it keeps the kids away from the fire
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A short poem which will appeal to the athletically challenged.

I Ran A Personal Best
by Paul Curtis

I ran a personal best
In the 100 metres
And my new record is
Almost 80 metres
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Another impossibly silly poem from the pen of Paul Curtis.

I Work At The Met Office

I work at the met office
And my name is Bob
I have to do the pollen count
God it’s a difficult job
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A timely poem considering the current state of turmoil.

I Hate The One Pence Pieces
by Paul Curtis

I hate the one pence pieces
5p's and tuppences
I suppose you think it strange
But I simply don’t like change
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If you think about this poem for too long you may find a hidden truth lurking…

A Carelessly Discarded Match
by Paul Curtis

A carelessly discarded match
Can start a forest fire
Yet it takes a whole box
To light your bonfire
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