You know you’re getting old when these questions start to bother you. ..
§ Is it possible to cry under water?
§ How important does a person have to be before they are considered "assassinated" instead of just "murdered"?
§ If you "put your two cents in," but it's only "a penny for your thoughts," where’s that extra penny going?
§ What disease did cured ham actually have?
§ How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
§ If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
§ Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
§ Why do doctors leave the room while you change then examine you after you're buck naked?
§ Why is "panties" plural but "bra" is singular?
§ Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to charcoal?
§ If Jimmy cracks corn, and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
§ If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
§ If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just order take out?
§ If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
§ Don't "The Alphabet Song" and "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" have the same melody?
§ You just tried singing those two songs, didn't you?
§ How come, when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad, but when you take him for a car ride he sticks his head out the window?
§ When we know the batteries are dead why do we press harder on the remote control buttons?
§ If "insufficient funds" means there's no money in the account why do banks charge a fee?
§ Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but insist on checking when you say the paint is wet?
§ Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
§ Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
§ Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but duck when you throw a gun at him?
§ Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
§ Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
§ Why will people run over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, and put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
§ Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
§ How do all those dead bugs get into enclosed light fixtures?
§ How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
§ Whose sick idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
§ If statistics show that one out of every four people is suffering from mental illness, and your three best friends are okay... ?