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Jeremiah Quintanilla
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Is your economy stagnant? Tired of watching your share price go sideways? Or' you just in the mood for trading people for piles of cash and a sense of accomplishment? Follow these steps, and you too can be responsible for the apocalypse or the inevitable extermination of your bloodline.

1. Find some dissidents who have the ambition to kill but simply lack the means.
2. Loan them.. or just give them funds outright (this is your seed money)
3. {optional} Look for resources or priceless artifacts that you can use to subsidize the project or improve your standing among the wealthy elite
4. Scare people by submitting news articles and talking points that put "the problem" front and center stage
5. Buy some vacation packages, open a few offshore accounts, secure a couple ivy-league acceptance letters-- you know, bribes
6. Hire someone to wine and dine the politicians you need to compel the others to spend billions of taxpayer dollars on arming those in opposition to your newly-formed terrorist group
7. Submit your contract(s)
8. Collect the profits

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Take a moment to let this sink in...
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